Trading Resentment for Regret
I've never really understood my father. He's a complicated person. His emotional scars are numerous and violently exposed. Like all troubled souls those scars run very deep indeed.
We've never seen eye to eye. I dismissed him at an early age as the example of everything I didn't want to be; crude, loud, aggressive, and extremely judgemental. Harsh, almost savagely vengeful. Unforgiveably right-wing. Full of undirected, self-consuming anger.
He seemed to be the very embodiment of the worst kind of angry racism, sexism, homophobia, general intolerance and arbitrary discrimination that makes for good reactionary politics. That others, including almost everyone we knew, didn't agree with him he put down to stupidity or blindness. In his own children, of course, it was "communist" teachers.
I didn't have an easy adolescence. Teenagers are trying on any family, but in ours, my increasingly confrontational relationship with my father quickly degenerated into the apocalyptic. He sensed my thinly disguised contempt and responded by constantly humiliating me. I was little better; a self-absorbed, arrogant and naive child.
I remember a different man. A proud father with his young son, snow-forts in long winters, camping, stories late into the night. And it's not just memories. There are countless photographs to prove this man existed. And he's still there, as his reaching eyes often show, though his tongue remains frustratingly still.
So what happened? I've no idea. If I knew, I'd be the greatest pop-psychology guru on the lecture circuit. Howl-in-the-woods men's groups would have the answers to their most frequently asked questions.
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... imagining things I think we communicated, as best as two adults with almost no common interests can manage.
Wait, no, we do have at least one common interest. He's my father, and I'm his son.
Letting go of the bitterness is hard, and takes a lot of time, but I've managed to shrug away enough of it to admit a few things to myself. In many ways, my father and I are similar. We're both direct. We're both forward. And we're both as stubborn as grazing camels. And I might finally be able to take solace in that we've been slowly but surely building a bridge.
Resentment and anger are easy. People cultivate those parasites with ease. But regret, regret lies on you like an unshakeable weight, subtle and undeniable, an ever-present background theme. If I'm not careful, soon I'll have traded opportunity for resentment, and resentment for regret.
He was very liberal and at one point even joined the Communist Party. He used his writings to display to people from around the world the way that business and government used and betrayed the average citizen.
The Spanish Inquisition forced Sephardic Jews of Spain and Converso Jews living in Portugal to relocate to Italy. “The Spanish Inquisition was established with papal approval in 1478 at the Request of King Ferdinand V and Queen Isabella I. This Inquisition was to deal with the problems of the Marrano Jews, who through coercion or social pressure had insincerely converted to Christianity”. Many Catholics...
My father has been married four times, three of which I’ve known about. The one before I was born I’m not supposed to know about, but my brother and I do, we just don’t talk about it.
everything he was about to the people and didn't hold anything back, and it wore on him
Every ancient society and civilization has creation myths that were passed down and keep alive throughout the passing of time by word of mouth. These myths are the world’s oldest stories and are vital to these cultures because they explain their beginnings and give purpose to their existence. By analyzing and interpreting different creation myths it becomes easier to understand different cultures and their connections and relationships with heir beliefs and god(s).
A broad understanding of the functioning of a culture can be gleaned from the inception of a creation myth - the moment at which the birth of the world (or of a particular culture) takes place. Since myths are a culture’s way of explaining their role in the larger world , looking at how a culture perceives this world to have begun is crucial. There are several broad categories into which myths are placed...
Looking back at my past, I recall my mother and father’s relationship as if it were yesterday. I am only four years old, small and curious; I tended to walk around my home aimlessly. I would climb book shelves like a mountain explorer venturing through the Himalayans, draw on walls to open windows to my own imagination, or run laps around the living room rug because to me I was an Olympic track star competing for her gold medal; however my parents did not enjoy my rambunctious imagination. My parents never punished me for it but would blame each other for horrible parenting skills; at the time I did not understand their fights, but instead was curious about why they would fight.
When the modern person ponders the formation of human beings, our mind automatically goes to Adam and Eve, whom were the first man and woman created by God according to the Book of Genesis. Before there was Adam and Eve, diverse cultures came up with myths about the construction of humans. These myths included: “The Song of Creation” from the Rig Veda, An African Creation Tale, From the Popol Vuh, and A Native American Creation Tale “How Man Was Created” Each one of these legends gives a diverse perspective on the creation of human beings.
.... He was a man whose life experiences revealed the ugly truth of what it takes to be an effective leader. His legacy will go on for ever.
* I carry so many of my father's tendencies. We both seek recognition but dismiss it when offered. Why?
It would definitely be easier to dwell on resentment against my parents because spite comes so easily in human nature. Without a second thought the blame is thrust onto the other person. In contrast, when a precious asset is lost, the prime focus should be on what good came out of it. Most people turn bitter, which might only increase the complication.
My father received the brunt of my negativity. I began to be cruel and unkind to my father because I blamed him for the behavior of his children. He tolerated my ugliness with grace for the most part. I would be quick t...
It’s very difficult to move forward in life when you are burdened with anger and bitterness. Unforgiveness alters your perspective and in turn influences your responses and decisions in life. For example, a person that’s been carrying around bitterness for years will be inclined to view the motives and actions of others through the lenses of unforgiveness. Because they haven’t forgiven their offenders, they tend to be paranoid and suspect of other peoples’ intentions. This behavior will cause you to lose friends and even prevent you from making new
ABSTRACT: In Albert Camus' 1950 play Just Assassins, terrorists are at work in nineteenth-century Russia. They kill people, and they all believe that there is a superior moral reason for doing so. But they also know that killing is wrong. In their own view, they are innocent criminals; innocent, because their action is justified, but criminals, because they kill. So tacitly they conclude that they deserve punishment that will remove the regret from their shoulders. Their execution, by the same despotic authorities they are attacking, completes their actions: regret, caused by justified killing, gets its counterpart. Regret is an interesting mental phenomenon. Some people say that feeling regret is irrational, or even that it is immoral. But surely the usual opinion is that in some situations regret is an appropriate way to react. An interesting question is what it means to say that sometimes it is 'appropriate' to feel regret. Do we have a moral obligation to feel regret sometimes? How could one have an obligation to feel anything, since, at least seemingly, feelings are not voluntary acts. If we do have a moral obligation to feel regret in some cases, does it follow that all good people are emotionally "hot," while "cool" persons, who are not able to feel deep regret, are bad?
While most parents realize there are normal struggles between parents and teens as their sons and daughters struggle for independence and identity, they are often shocked by the length and intensity of the conflict. They are stunned by apparent rejection of some of their most sacred values and confused by their teenagers "acting up" and "acting out." In attempting to become psychologically independent of their parents, teens often attempt to move completely away from any control or influence by their parents.