Parent and Teenager Relationships
As a child begins to enter adolescence, there appears to be a rise in conflict between the adolescent and parents. The amount of conflict differs from family to family and is dependent on many factors. It is mainly due to the changing characteristics and growing of the adolescent and the way in which the rest of the family adjusts to these changes.
Adolescence is a time of challenge and change for both teens and parents. Teens are at a stage in life where they face a multitude of pressing decisions -- including those about friends, careers, sex, smoking, drinking, drugs and parental values. At the same time, they are confronted with profound physical, social and emotional changes.
Myths of adolescence are perpetuated because adults do not spend the time and effort learning about normal, expected changes during this period. It is much easier for us to put a label on people rather than to try to understand them. The teen years are truly "high speed, high need" years. Here are some concepts of conflict and some areas to look out for.
While most parents realize there are normal struggles between parents and teens as their sons and daughters struggle for independence and identity, they are often shocked by the length and intensity of the conflict. They are stunned by apparent rejection of some of their most sacred values and confused by their teenagers "acting up" and "acting out." In attempting to become psychologically independent of their parents, teens often attempt to move completely away from any control or influence by their parents.
When the rejected teenager reaches the limit of patience and tolerance, he or she lashes out -- rejecting the family, the school, the church, the s...
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As a parent you also have to make sure you have certain expectations that need to be followed. You have to expect cooperation and courtesy at home as well as to be able to get a good night?s sleep without worrying where your teenager is.
There are no magic, easy solutions. However, a parent is wise to communicate absolute support to a young teenager by letting them know that you love them and will always be there for them. As an adult, you must model acceptable adult behavior in all situations. If you can say "I'm sorry I got angry," or "I apologize for criticizing you before listening to all you have to say," teens will have more respect for all adults. It is also useful to remind young teenagers that it is easier to treat them as adults if they act like adults. And it is very useful to adult parents to remember that they were once teenagers themselves.
Parents must discover ways to help teens learn to make decisions that minimize the potential harm to themselves and others, and parents must also gradually relinquish control and place increasing amounts of personal responsibility onto teens so that they become self-regulating.
Mzarcovitz, Hal. “Chapter 3: Irreconcilable Differences.” Teens & Family Issues (2004): 9-14. Book Collection: Nonfiction: Web. 25 March 2014
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