Personal Narrative: I Am A Victim

I am not a victim. I am a survivor.

When I was merely thirteen years old, my boyfriend never seemed to comprehend the word no. But I never seemed to comprehend that I was capable of leaving him and escaping the relationship that brought nothing but destruction and desolation to my life. Out of fear, I stayed. And I stayed. And I stayed. For three and a half years, I was unable to build up the courage to break away and live my own life the way I craved. For three and a half years, I felt so depressed and alone that I even considered ending my own life.

Yet, despite those three and a half years, I am not a victim. I am a survivor. I am a survivor of sexual assault and psychological abuse. Consequently, this period of time and this boy impacted my life the most and still have the greatest influence on everything I do today, nearly two years later. I see the world, along with everyone within it, differently now.

Although what I went through was a negative experience, the outcome could be looked at as being somewhat positive.

Looking at the situation as an optimist, I see the good that came from what I went through. For instance, I now go out of my way simply to make another person smile in hopes that even one small gesture might brighten his/her day. I never judge a book by its cover, and I always accept everyone as they are. Being treated so poorly has only made me want to treat others with the utmost respect and dignity that they deserve. As Thumper said, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say nothin’ at all.” This quote is so simple yet has so much meaning and truth behind it that I live by it every

day.

On the other hand, looking at the situation pessimistically, I see how much I have changed for the worse. Certain days, I live in fear while all the pain and emotions come rushing back like a tsunami. I fear being alone, yet I also crave it. After constantly being fed lies for years, I have a hard time trusting people and figuring out what is true. I still discover something new about myself every day, which can be both good and bad.

However, despite what this boy has done to me, I forgive him. Without doing so, I never would have been able heal and move forward with my life. Nevertheless, I would not change my experience, as it has made me a better person and has shown me what not to settle for. I deserve respect, and I deserve to be treated with dignity, just as every person deserves. The greatest influence on my life also happens to be the greatest pain I ever went through, but I am a survivor.