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Self awareness and self development assessment
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Almost every day throughout high school I experienced something that I could not identify. It was over a year since I had graduated until could put words to emotion. I discovered that I was not free in my own mind. I was in a prison. One that I couldn't touch and for many years I could not see. After several visits to counselors and therapists I finally had the words to describe what my experience was. It had come to the attention of my family that I had some sort of psychological problem and something had to be done. I was always labeled as a shy and quiet kid, and like my family I had thought nothing more of my behavior. However, now it had become something more obvious. I had told my parents the kinds of problems I was having. Basically I didn't want to talk to anyone or to be anywhere near anyone I didn't know. I didn't really want to leave my house for any reason for fear that I might have to talk to someone. I was so critical and scrutinizing in relation to myself that I couldn't even enter into a conversation. Everyone seems to have a part of themselves that lends itself to thoughts of pessimism and failure, but mine was something that was in the forefront of my mind at all times. Something telling me that everything I did was a failure, and that anything I ever did would not succeed. Through discussion with my family it was decided that I should move out of my parents house to a place where I could find treatment and get a job. I was to reside with my sister Lisa, her partner Brynn, and their Saint Bernard in Greensboro. As we pulled out of my parents driveway, the circumstances seemed very surreal. My entire way of life had been turned upside down with only a few hours consideration. I was very much “at sea” in the ... ... middle of paper ... ... I could see that part of me that caused me harm was starting to show itself and I would act, clearing my mind completely before anything could take hold. As well as eradicating negativity, I also forced my mind into happiness through focus and meditation. Nothing has changed my life more since the realization that I had to make who I was something that I chose, and not something that just happened. Since this revelation nothing seemed the same anymore, as though I could see the world through new eyes. It changed everything from my taste in music, literature, and movies. Things of a dark and pessimistic nature used to hold a strong allure for me, and yet I found much of things I once enjoyed didn't seem to entertain me anymore. I remembered the mental state that I once held and now seeing how I have changed, know that I can never return to the prison I came from.
The term social anxiety is, by most, not associated with being a serious, mental sickness. The common person usually thinks someone with social anxiety is simply not a “people person” However, social anxiety has been defined as either a disorder or phobia. Social Anxiety Disorder is an actual, underdiagnosed psychiatric disorder which should be recognized not as mere shyness, but a psychological illness with symptoms and treatments. It is a disorder which is becoming more and more prevalent as time progresses. Due to the technological advances and appliances that exist in the modern age, there has been an overall change in the average amount of social interactions that the everyday person may have. This leads to an exceeding amount of people who get nervous, frightened even, of being in any type of social situation. Just about half of Americans labels themselves as shy; mostly everyone has had stage fright at some point in his/her life. For a shocking amount of people, that sort of situation is dreadful (“Beyond Shyness and Stage Fright” 1). The stage fright “becomes a disorder when the resulting symptoms make individuals miserable or seriously interfere with their work, friendships, and family life. This crippling dread of certain personal encounters and social situations is called social anxiety disorder or social phobia, and it is increasingly understood to be a treatable condition” (“Beyond Shyness and Stage Fright” 1).
Everything was always bleak, I forced people away, doing group projects solo, ignoring the attempts of conversation. I knew that it was destructive, but at the same time didn’t care. Eventually, after months of anxiety induced nausea and vomiting I went to a general family doctor. This was both a good step forward and a bad choice, good in that I was finally seeking help, but bad in that I didn’t seek a proper specialist. After 15 minutes I walked out with a script feeling no better that
There’s an event in everyone's life that changes you, whether it be a simple hello or a death in the family. Tragically, mine begins with my mother marrying her second husband. The lessons I learned from this man shaped me into the person I am today. I came from a bad situation and he took my family in and and showed me that not every man is the same. Perseverance, the ability to forgive, and willingness to change your life for the better are just some of the things he taught me. If it weren’t for the little talks we had I wouldn’t be hopeful that I am, that I will turn my life around.
I had no place to call home. My mom had not come to visit me one time, and I had only received a hand full of letters from her. She told me in those letters that she was sick, and I couldn’t live with her (She died of cancer a little over a year after my release). My twenty-three-year-old brother was a drug addict, so I didn’t want to live with him. With no place to live, I would end up in a state halfway house or some other type of group home. For someone who was about to turn sixteen, this was a lot to deal with. The last two hours of my bus ride, which were supposed to be the happiest part of the trip, turned into the worst. The tension in my heart was almost unbearable now. It felt like someone had reached into my chest and was clinching my heart in an angry fist. My eyes teared up from the
I was ten years old when I was told I had some sort of social anxiety. I had no idea why I didn’t like to be in the public eye, I just didn’t. My parents were aware of this and they were told I should be introduced with other kids in a sporting activity or something of general interest. I had no idea what I was into really, TV and video games like any other kid, but obviously, they lacked social interaction. I just didn’t want to talk to anyone else; I just didn’t care for any attention. I was told to make my mind up and decide what kind of club I wanted to join. My parents suggested judo, a tough and disciplined sport that I always respected, I agreed but instantly regretted my decision…
Letting go of past trauma and unresolved pain feels like a weight has been lifted off of your head and heart. Once it’s gone, wisdom, peace and joy will take its place. Utilizing this information offers a structure in which to transform individuals and society which is a reinforcement to challenge and inspire others to move beyond conventional or learned paths of behavior to a greater, truer vision of themselves as they find freedom and personal empowerment.
Social anxiety disorder is also known as social phobia. It is defined as the fear of social situations that involve interaction with other people. It is the fear and anxiety of being judged and evaluated negatively by other people or behaving in a way that might cause embarrassment or ridicule. This leads to feelings of inadequacy, self-consciousness, and depression. The person with social anxiety disorder may believe that all eyes are on him at all times. Social anxiety disorder is the third largest mental health case issue in the world, and it can effect 7% of the population (15 million Americans) at any given time.
Have you ever had a time in your life where you felt like everything was just dumped on you? I did, and undoubtedly it happened just as I came to school at State University. That saying, “When it rains, it pours,” just seemed to fit me perfectly. Within a two week period one of my friends from high school committed suicide, my grandma went in the hospital, and my boyfriend broke up with me. Yet, from these experiences in my life, I grew, more than I have ever grown before. This is why I am writing about it. Although, everyone goes through hard times, there were not many people out there who related to me. That is why it was hard to get help when it was needed. Maybe someone can learn from my experience and be just as strong as I was.
My parents sensed my troubles and we moved. Adjusting to a new high school took time. It was not easy making new friends and I continued to be lost. These incidents weighed heavily on my mind. My anguished heart refused to see beyond my own woes. A recent disturbing incident changed my purview of life.
At the young age of ten, I was faced with a situation that has had one of the largest influences in who I am today. My parents’ divorce has and still currently plays a role in my life that has affected my drive for motivation bringing diverse perspectives. At such a young age, I was filled with such remorse, discouragement, and fear. My educational abilities were collapsing, along with some of my common social activities. I was absent-minded due to my adolescent understanding and confusion of the situation. I became emotionally depleted coming eye to eye with what I was promised would never happen. My personal connections with my family gradually became diminished, from what I kept so valuable. I was placed in a situation that tore apart my contentment, arrogance, and self motivation. It wasn’t until years later, I took my position as a chance to transform my bleakness into a strong desire for greatness.
Growing up from 7th grade on, something was different with me. I was always anxious and depressed. I began staying home from school in 8th and 9th grade. I was struggling. Freshman year, things started to go downhill. Pushing away everyone who cared about me, had become second nature. My family situation was a mess. I began at a new school for my 10th grade year, and about 2 months in, I was bullied and slut-shamed so bad that I had to leave that school. I developed a substance abuse problem and was using daily. My life was in a burning trash can. One day, I got sent to rehab by my parents. I went to Sunrise Academy and turned my life around. Even though it took me a year and a half, I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for that day that I was
“Before you can break out of prison, you must realize that you are locked up.” Growing up I have always been the more isolated, introverted type of child. I believe one’s mental stability is a prison that we are all caged in and it is up to us to be free; to set ourselves free! The whole idea of a prisoner being locked away and isolated from the outside world comes from the idea of a free person's perspective. I have always felt like a prisoner in the cage of my own mind, locked away for what seemed like forever. Never being able to fully express my thoughts or emotions, until I set myself free from my own personal prison! My life began to change once I started expressing who I am and being confident in my ability to be unregrettably me.
Rolling waves gently brushed upon the sand and nipped softly at my toes. I gazed out into the oblivion of blue hue that lay before me. I stared hopefully at sun-filled sky, but I couldn’t help but wonder how I was going to get through the day. Honestly, I never thought in a million years that my daughter and I would be homeless. Oh, how I yearned for our house in the suburbs. A pain wrenched at my heart when I was once reminded again of my beloved husband, Peter. I missed him so much and couldn’t help but ask God why he was taken from us. Living underneath Pier 14 was no life for Emily and me. I had to get us out of here and back on our feet. My stomach moaned angrily. I needed to somehow find food for us, but how? Suddenly, something slimy brushed up against my leg and pierced my thoughts. I jumped back and brushed the residue of sand of my legs. What was that? As my eyes skimmed the water in front of me, I noticed something spinning in the foam of the waves. Curiosity got the best of me and I went over to take a closer look. The object danced in the waves and eventually was coughed out onto the beach. “Emily!” I called to my eight-year-old daughter who was, at that time, infatuated with a seashell that she found earlier that day. “Come here and see this! Mommy found something.” Although I had no idea what that something was and I definitely didn’t know it would change my life forever.
When I left my room, my mother knew that I had gone through a rough time, and I did not want to talk to her about it. Even though there was only a month left in my school year, I promised myself that I would be completely truthful to my friends, my family, my heritage, and myself. I expected all my friends to leave me, but I was fully prepared for this. However, none of this ever happened. My friends didn’t leave me, I wasn’t alone at the lunch table, I wasn’t even seem differently by those around me. I had failed my family by doing this, and I wished I had stopped acting like someone I wasn’t sooner. This is one of the only mistakes I have made which I consider a failure because it had taken me close to a year to fix, and this is why I consider it my most successful failure.
Has there ever been an experience that not only has changed your development but also has recalibrated your entire life? If you were to ask me this question i would answer yes with great exuberance. I would also state that this occurred not even a month ago. I state this response with great joy simply because I enjoy the recalibration I have encountered, since this change can enhance a better future for myself. It has let me find my true passions and let me realize my true dislikes. Most importantly it has given me a new sense of maturity I feel that I didn’t earn! But in order to explain this adjustment that has crossed my path the reader must understand what and how my life was lived previously. Following this I can describe the events of my experience that leads to the pep talk that induced me into making the change that was essential in order to improve my future.