Conquering Social Anxiety: A Personal Journey

Overcoming Social Anxiety

I was ten years old when I was told I had some sort of social anxiety. I had no idea why I didn’t like to be in the public eye, I just didn’t. My parents were aware of this and they were told I should be introduced with other kids in a sporting activity or something of general interest. I had no idea what I was into really, TV and video games like any other kid, but obviously, they lacked social interaction. I just didn’t want to talk to anyone else; I just didn’t care for any attention. I was told to make my mind up and decide what kind of club I wanted to join. My parents suggested judo, a tough and disciplined sport that I always respected, I agreed but instantly regretted my decision…
The following day I was

contemplating whether or not I should back out. I stayed with my decision and decided to pursue it. In hindsight I’m glad I did, it was a sport I liked and ultimately a sport I did well in. I went down to my local judo club that night and entered the club. I instantly had butterflies roaming around my stomach, I wanted to turn back and leave, thankfully, I didn’t. I was introduced to the sport by a boy around my age, a stocky boy with a shaved head and scary looking stare. I was prejudice, I came to the conclusion that this was a boy who liked to hurt people, a bully of sorts. However, not only was he a nice and friendly person, he was the sort of person I could get along with. He was very vocal and confident, the exact opposite of a young me. I needed someone to engage in conversation first, I could never initiate. And so we began my first day of judo.
A thump, a smash, and the look of pain were all I witnessed as I looked on.

I was watching the action at the heart of the club. This is where the more experienced judokas practiced, all of them looking fluent in every move they pulled off. Nobody ever made a mistake by the look of it. There was an older boy, around sixteen, nonchalantly throwing people to the ground, it seemed as if it was as easy as breathing to him. That is what I wanted to be able to do, not necessarily with judo, but with interacting. My stomach groaned harder and harder the longer I watched, I was terrified. I was really nervous stepping on the mat, knowing how I would get thrown on my back as soon as I did. The instructor introduced me to the rest of the class, I wanted to be sick but continued on anyways. Looking back, I did act strangely, even though everyone was extremely friendly and welcoming I still didn’t want to be a part of it. To this day I wonder why I was awkward in social in social situations, it confuses me, but it was a major problem to me back then. When I was asked to pair up with someone a shiver crawled its way up my spine. I looked about panicking about who I was going to pair up with, no-one was to be seen but a boy of my size. A thin boy with two of his front teeth missing, it didn’t stop him smiling from ear to ear though. The instructor told me to grip his collar and pivot. The fact that I actually put my hands on him confuses me to this day, it felt weird and uncomfortable and at the time I hated

it.
After about an hour of switching partners and practicing throws – failing miserably though - I finally was able to go home. Not only did I want to go home but I wanted to never return. Looking back at this I realised that I was pretty awkward around people, everything about me screamed awkward. I couldn’t even look people in the eye while practicing. When I was at home I looked back at everything and thought that I was actually over-exaggerating, it wasn’t that bad. I decided I should actually go back and try to act more confident, I don’t know where I got this courage from, but I’m glad I did. As I reflect on this I think that this was the main reason I got more social around people. Judo really did help as I was constantly intermingled with someone I had never met. You had to talk also about what you wanted to practice, so in some way, that was what really got my confidence up.
About a week in and I loved it; the atmosphere, the smell of the club as you walked in, the instructor getting annoyed with younger judokas, it was what it was. A couple of weeks ago I would have thought of it as hell; the interaction, the constant touching, and even the thought of walking into a crowded club. But I was a new me. I was more social and approachable than ever before, no more awkwardness or shyness existed within.
In hindsight, I really was socially awkward. I didn’t interact with anyone, I couldn’t even go to the shop without panicking. I was a complete mess. To my recollection I think I never even went to a shop because of the anxiety. I am glad that my parents pushed me towards judo, without it I would still be a stuttering, red-faced, nervous boy. I now feel more confident, going to a shop no longer bothers me, and neither does talking to people, and most of all, asking for help in school doesn’t help bother me. I was getting used to the talking and interacting with people and at one point it just became second nature.