In Battle Royal Thesis

I never really considered myself an "acceptable" writer. I always would panic after realizing I have to write a paper because I never feel prepared or ready. After my semester of English 1102, I realized that I can spot good points for my argument, but I had difficulty analyzing them in terms of my thesis. My thesis and topic sentences were not my strong suits because I either don't dig deep enough, or I panic and add so much to my thesis/topic sentence that the syntax and diction is awkward and confusing. I would spend hours trying to fix these errors because of writer's block and anxiety; however, as the semester kept going, I found it to be easier to fix the errors in my paragraph by asking myself how to improve my paper and asking my peers

what are the strengths and weaknesses of my paper. It caused me to focus more into my papers as I tried to make sure everything was clear and to the point. This course has taught me how to how to create effective thesis statements and how to improve my topic sentences that supports the main idea of my papers; therefore, the skills I have attained from this course will help me formulate clearer analysis papers for my marketing and sports management core classes.
I tend to struggle with thesis statements, but after further instruction, I realized that an effective thesis must explain the interpretation of the topic and express why the argument is important.

The basic properties of a thesis statement is the subject, focus, claim, and the "So What?" factor. While I could pinpoint my subject and claim, I had a hard time with making my focus clear and understandable. In Paper 1, my starting thesis statement was "In Battle Royal, the narrator's status as an educated black man serves as a form of wealth; as a result, his wealth is sparking a need for more segregation and silence of the black man in an unequal and racist economy." This thesis statement was not a strong statement because it did not explain and elaborate why the narrator was truly "wealthy", which makes my focus unclear. To address this issue, I had to ask myself why my thesis sentence important to begin with and what did I want my thesis sentence to argue. To improve my thesis, I explained why his wealth was significant and added why my thesis statement was important to the audience. My final thesis statement was, "In Battle Royal, the narrator's status as an educated black man serves as a form of wealth because his education is an advantage he can use to advance in an unjust society; as a result, his wealth is sparking a need for more segregation and silence of the black man in an unequal and racist economy". This thesis statement is better because it pinpoints clearly why his wealth is even significant. Also, the second independent clause made my "So What?" claim clear because I could further elaborate on the broader significance of the

thesis.
From my Revised Essay 1 Exhibit, I initially had a thesis statement from my second paper that was initially lacking a focus, but then was lacking a "So What?" claim. While trying to come up with this thesis statement, my main problem was trying to add a statement of significance. I realized that the thesis statements in my previous drafts were not strong because it does not expand on the argument of my paper. After further elaboration, my final thesis statement was "In The Outlaw Josey Wales, Josey is depicted as a character driven by vengeance yet has not allowed that to deteriorate his humanity, which is often displayed by his distinct feelings towards other characters in the film; therefore his character progresses in the film as an individual who now sees that human behavior is complex, and it is necessary to show leniency towards those who are unkind and ruthless." Even though this thesis statement is lengthy, it is effective because it displays a clear subject, focus, and claim, but it also passes the "So What?" test in the second part of the sentence; this allows my argument to be clear for me to formulate my analysis because now I have a central idea to work with. In addition, my audience will understand why the whole paper is important. In order for me to edit my thesis statement, I looked back over my peer reviews for my drafts to see how I could improve my thesis. While peer reviewing my work, it was apparent that my thesis didn't pass the "So What?" test. This led me to ask myself "why is my thesis important?" and "why is it so significant to your claim?" I truly focused on my own constructive criticism and feedback in order to improve my thesis statement because if I can see the flaws in my paper, then it was certain that other people would be able to spot the flaws too. By editing my thesis, my new statement shows a clear focus that matches my full intentions for my paper's argument.
I was not aware that a topic sentence had much significance to a paragraph other than introducing the paragraph itself. In this course, I learned that an effective topic sentence will have a unifying idea that support or develop some aspect of the thesis statement. My resulting issues were that my topic sentences had no connection to my thesis statements because they were either too general or broad. One example from an earlier draft that had topic sentence problems was from my second essay, which stated "Missouri farmer, Josey Wales, is a family man whose transformation to an outlaw came at him unexpectedly." This topic sentence was weak because it states what happens in the context in general, but does not advance the argument illustrated by the thesis. Developing the habit of using general sentences in a paper is unacceptable because it is not furthering the analysis, and it can make the paper unsuitable for grading. To revise this, I decided to explain why his transformation to an outlaw is significant in terms of my thesis statement, which argues Wales' progression in his behavior throughout the film. After my revision, my new topic sentence states "Josey Wales, a Missouri farmer, is a family man whose transformation into an outlaw came rather unexpectedly; consequently causing him to exhibit true pain in his emotions, and his faith in humanity is withering away right before him." This is an effective topic sentence because it connects to my thesis statement and supports the main idea of the paper. By digging deeper in my topic sentence, the sentence is now clearer by the unification of the different ideas in my paragraph, which means that now it is an acceptable starter sentence for the paragraph to progress in its evidence and analysis to connect back to the thesis statement.
From my Revised Paper 2 exhibit, I initially had a general idea of a suitable topic sentence for one of my paragraphs; however, my wordings of the topic sentence made it ineffective. My first body paragraph stated: "Dick Diver is a charismatic character who is a member of the upper class society and draws many people to him as a representation of the Roaring Twenties, but unfortunately slips through the cracks of a seemingly perfect lifestyle." This topic sentence is ineffective because the arrangement in the wording, or syntax, made my sentence confusing. As I peer reviewed this sentence, I realized that the topic sentence was also inefficient because it makes it seem like I am trying too hard to be intelligent to the reader by using incorrect syntax. In addition, this also caused my topic sentence to not advance my argument because the sentence was not clear enough for my audience. To revise this sentence, I simply reworded the the sentence to "Dick represents the Roaring Twenties because he is a charismatic character..." With the revision, the topic sentence is now clearer and the audience can see that the topic sentence connects nicely with the body paragraph and thesis. This connection, furthermore, helps with the analysis of the body paragraph because now I have a clear focus for the paragraph's analysis.
Though grammar is not a huge issue for me, I do tend to repeat the error of using inflected possessives as shown in my second paper. An inflected possessive is formed by adding an apostrophe and an s to singular nouns and most pronouns which do not end in s. Using inflected possessives makes the sentence weaker and also makes pronunciation awkward. To correct these errors, I changed the possessive singular pronouns by just adding an apostrophe after the pronoun that ends with s. For example, I changed "the destruction of Josey Wales's home and family served to create a tension..." and improved it to "the destruction of Josey Wales' home and family served to create a tension..." The revision is now easier to pronounce for the audience and it makes the sentence less awkward.
Overall, I believe that my time in this class was very helpful and informative. I now feel more prepared to write my analytical- and information-based papers as I continue my studies at UGA. To showcase this, my Wild Card is an history essay that uses documents to exemplify the primary concerns of the conservative movement between 1960-1980. My Wild Card will show how I used the skills in this class to create a thesis statement and effective topic sentences. I learned that there's no such thing as a perfect essay and there is always room for improvement, so I will strive to write to the best of my abilities as I continue my education and continue writing along the way.