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Battle of the Sexes In “Sex, Lies, and Conversation,” Dr. Deborah Tannen discussed good points on why opposite sexes have trouble talking and communicating. While writing the story she dug deeper than the surface of the problems, and why they happen the way they do. I relate to the points she discusses because I have been through similar situations with my own relationships. From reading this story I am able to understand the problems in these situations, and how to improve communication between sexes. The three types of communication Deborah Tannen discussed in “Sex, Lies, and Conversation” are linguistic battle of the sexes, listening to body language, and the sounds of silence. First, Deborah Tannen argued that in the linguistic battle …show more content…
Tannen compares women and men by stating, “women look for listener noises such as “mhm,” “uhuh,” and “yeah,’” and contrast men by saying that they, “often give silent attention.” With women giving affirmation sounds shows that they are listening and agreeing with the other letting one know that she understands and agrees. As for men, they do not really show that they are listening, nor do they mind if the it does not look as if the other is listening. While talking with my mom or girlfriend about my day they often use the listener noise signaling that they are listening, but while taking with my dad he is silent and just listens. This creates problems because women do not feel as though guys are listening if they are not giving noises or motions as signals, so they assume men are not listening to them which makes them feel as though the male does not care about what they are …show more content…
Tannen proves this by explaining how women prefer small groups because “you can tell your feelings and thoughts, and still be loved,” and compared men because they “live in a hierarchical world, where talk maintains independence and status.” Women feel as though everything they say is judged in public, but feel more comfortable in private because they do not feel they are being judged. Men want to feel dominant in situations by proving intelligence so they talk in public to show off. My girlfriend hardly ever talks while we are in public, but talks to me easily when in private. She does this because she does not like the attention from others or people judging whatever she says, but feels comfortable discussing with me. Whereas I notice my friends and I openly discuss topics our thoughts in public. Understanding this difference between sexes can help one to communicate better realizing that women are going to talk in private and men will typically show off in
In her article “But What Do You Mean” Deborah Tannen, claims that there is a huge difference in the style of communicating between men and women. Tannen breaks these down into seven different categories; apologies, criticism, thank-yous, fighting, praise, complaints, and jokes. With each of these she compares men to women by explaining the common misconceptions that each of the genders do. The different style of communication can cause some problems at the workplace and even affect the environment. The different styles of communication has been around forever and almost becomes a “ritual”(299). Tannen is effective with mainly women and not men. She is primarily successful with women due to the fact that her tone targets women, also the organization
Deborah Tannen wrote “ Talk in the Intimate Relationship” to help people learn something about how men and women's interactions differ. She is a language scholar and has past experience of failed relationships and she feels as though this was because of lack of communication. Her main focus is on metamessages, these are messages that go beyond what we say. She states that the people that are literal minded, miss out on the context of what communication is. What this essay will consist of being what Tannen calls metamessages, summarizing her article on how men and woman talk, deciding whether Tannen is favorable to both genders and last but not least if I agree to an extent with Tannen says in her article.
Communications generally occur in body languages: how the individuals interpret each other. Her essay is an event that is reoccurring more and more lately. The event results in a failure in marriage. In today’s society more and more people are splitting up or having divorces due to miscommunications. The essay, “Sex, Lies and Conversation,” that Deborah Tannen wrote is much use of today because it explains where miscommunications happen and she has her own studies and research to back it up. The essay goes into depth about her ideologies that cause miscommunications. Look at a miscommunication twice and do not be quick to judge because it will save plenty of
In the introduction of Deborah Tannen’s “Conversation Style: Talking on the Job”, she compares and contrasts the ways men and women communicate. This reminds me of what I tell people that are struggling in their relationships. Women and men express themselves differently. Women think, but men act. If you can’t wrap your head around this, being in a relationship with anyone is going to be hard. Yet, this is such a basic way of looking at this issue. Not only are the genders vastly different, but each person relates to the world around them in a certain way. He or she also needs to be related to in a specific way. Looking at personalities and personal histories can give a better look at the way we communicate with each other. Tannen examines
Do men and women effectively communicate in the same way, or is it just a conversation of misunderstanding? There is constantly a new interest in whether men and women converse successfully. Professor and journalist, Deborah Tannen writes, “Sex, Lies, and Conversation: Why Is It So Hard for Men and Women to Talk to Each Other?” Tannen compares and contrasts all conversational styles, and explains how the expectation of dialogue affects how men and women converse. Tannen focuses on the subject of marriage and the imbalance of interest between male and female couples. The contrasting perspective however comes from, Deborah Cameron, author of, “What Language Barrier”. Cameron conveys that the stereotypes left upon male and female communication
Tannen, Deborah. You Just Don't Understand : Women And Men In Conversation / Deborah Tannen. n.p.: New York : Morrow, c1990., 1990. Valdosta State University GIL Catalog. Web. 3 Mar. 2014.
Deborah Tannen is the author of the book You Just Don't Understand where she analyzes the different meanings of communication between men and women. Her research shows that women and men use the same words and phrases and yet can interpret and react to those same words and phrases differently. Tannen compares the two sexes to find men use their conversation as a type of competition or to preserve their independence. For example, men talk about their knowledge regarding sports, cars, women, exc. Meanwhile, women try to foster intimacy through communication. For instance, women often talk and relate on a personal level. Throughout Tannen's book she uses "cross-cultural communication" to describe the differences between the language of men and women. Tannen observed that, "For males, conversation is the way you negotiate your status in the group and keep people from pushing you around; you use talk to preserve your independence. Females, on the other hand, use conversation to negotiate closeness and intimacy; talk is the essence of intimacy, so being best friends means sitting and talking. For boys, activities, doing things together, are central. Just sitting and talking is not an essential part of friendship. They're friends with the boys they do things with" (Tannen 95).
Deborah Tannen’s case study entitled “Can’t We Talk?” is the most relevant reading that I have ever done for any class. It relates to a problem that every person regardless of age, race or sex, will have to face many times in his or her lifetime. The problem is that men and women communicate differently and these differences can often lead to conflict. This case study is very informative because it helps to clarify the thought process of each sex. That said this reading leaves the reader somewhat unfulfilled because Tannen does not offer a solution to the problem.
Fourth, men appreciate verbally competing more than ladies; on account of this distinction, ladies can feel that they are being assaulted in a discussion. Fifth, ladies and men use commend in an unexpected way. Ladies have a tendency to expect to be congratulated doing a job, while men tend to believe that not saying anything is good enough. 6th, woman talk about their issues so as to share their encounters; they complain not to have their issues comprehended but rather to empathize. In the other hand, men don't see the complaints as discussion yet as issues to be understood. Lastly, men and ladies have a tendency to contrast in jokes. Men incline toward teasing and fun loving abuse while ladies favor funniness that is more self-censuring. Because of these distinctions, ladies can misjudge men's silliness as antagonistic. In conclusion Tannen closes by expressing that distinctions are not wrong, simply diverse—and that perceiving these distinctions may help men and ladies convey all the more
Communication between males and females has always been somewhat complicated. Because we are arguing that males and females have different cultures we wanted to take a look at what some of these differences might be. According to our research the inherent differences between male and female culture are the different roles that society holds for them and the ways these roles lead to different communication styles. The stereotypes that men and women grow up with affect the types of ways in which they communicate. We first wanted to take a look at how they specifically differ while men and women are arguing or having normal conversations. We also looked at the different types of networks that men and women share. These networks also differ and as do the reasonings for their formation. Although we do not think that men and women need to change their cultures to effectively communicate, we do think that better communication is possible. One of the researchers we took a look at was Deborah Tannen. According to Tannen the reason that men and women do not communicate well is that men and women use language differently. Women take the attitude that conversation is to explore solutions to common problems while men concern themselves more with getting information and hard data from conversation. Tannen states that what women look for in communication is human connection, while men consider status to be most important. They are looking for independence and are constantly looking for higher accomplishments. Intimacy threatens this independence, so men have a tendency to avoid it. One of the old sayings about women is that they talk more than men. It turns out that it is not necessarily true. Women seem to talk more in private conversations than do men. Women do not generally have a fear of intimacy and therefore are much more open with one another during private conversations. It is more difficult for women to use this type of communication style in the public arena. In that case it is men that do most of the talking. Tannen ultimately argues that men use communication as a weapon. They use long explanations to command attention from who it is they are speaking to. They use it to convey information and to ultimately gain agreement. Tannen suggests that through even simple conversation men are continually protecting their status. She sugg...
The article, “Sex, Lies and conversation”, by Deborah Tannen is about the problem between woman and men cross-cultural communication caused by “sex-separate groups have different organizational structures”. Also, she explains how the lack of communication is ending marriage, “…. divorce rate of nearly 50 percent, ……a virtual epidemic of failed conversation”. Three points from Tannen’s article that might help me to improve the quality of my conversation are: First, understand that men and women seem talking from different point of view. Second, that in a conversation the other person doesn’t have to face me directly to be listening, and Third, to not sympathize when someone is talking because it could be intrusion.
In the short story “Sex, Lies and Conversation” by Deborah Tannen, men and women are
...a meaningful communication to take place. In conclusion, there are differences between men and women that go beyond social nurture. These differences have their origin in their genes. The differences evident in men and women are translated in their behavior and communication. There are possibilities of these differences in their turn raising the problem of failing to understand one another because in a communication men and women have a different set of expectations from each other. It is essential to understand and appreciate these differences for a meaningful communication to take place.
Tannen, Deborah. "Sex, Lies and Conversation." The McGraw-Hill Reader: Issues Across the Disciplines 8th edition. Ed. Gilbert H. Muller. Boston: McGraw-
Tannen, D. (2007). You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation. New York, NY: Harper.