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Deborah Tannen's Can't We Talk
Deborah Tannen’s case study entitled “Can’t We Talk?” is the most relevant reading that I have ever done for any class. It relates to a problem that every person regardless of age, race or sex, will have to face many times in his or her lifetime. The problem is that men and women communicate differently and these differences can often lead to conflict. This case study is very informative because it helps to clarify the thought process of each sex. That said this reading leaves the reader somewhat unfulfilled because Tannen does not offer a solution to the problem.
In Tannen’s first section, status vs. support, Tannen states that women view talking as a way to receive support, whereas men are always trying to gain the upper hand while talking. Tannen and her husband had jobs in different cities. When people would comment on her situation Tannen would accept their support of her difficult situation. Her husband, on the other hand, would feel threatened and felt compelled to refuse their support and point out the good in the situation. Due to societal influences men are often expected to be tough and therefore they feel threatened more easily. Because they feel threatened more easily they tend to go on the offensive more during conversation. Women are expected to be more sensitive and therefore they seek support. The section entitled advice vs. understanding is very closely related to status vs. support. In this section a woman has a deformed breast, due to a previous bout with cancer, and expresses her distress to her husband. Her husband responds that she could have plastic surgery to correct the deformity. She became quite upset at the thought of another surgery. Because of t...
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...roblems of inter sex communication. She does a superb job of pointing out how each sex reacts to each situation and why, but does not even propose a solution. Now that I have read this case study I feel as though I am prepared to offer a solution although I am not sure how viable it is. The recurring themes of Tannen’s case study are that men are expected to be tough and women are expected to seek support. These themes seem to be the root of the conflict between the sexes, so I would propose that each sex should do their best to break away from these expectations. Men should strive to be more open and less concerned about preserving a macho image whereas women should strive to be less dependent on the approval of others. While my proposed solution would not completely abolish miscommunication between the sexes, it would be a large step in the right direction.
In her article “But What Do You Mean” Deborah Tannen, claims that there is a huge difference in the style of communicating between men and women. Tannen breaks these down into seven different categories; apologies, criticism, thank-yous, fighting, praise, complaints, and jokes. With each of these she compares men to women by explaining the common misconceptions that each of the genders do. The different style of communication can cause some problems at the workplace and even affect the environment. The different styles of communication has been around forever and almost becomes a “ritual”(299). Tannen is effective with mainly women and not men. She is primarily successful with women due to the fact that her tone targets women, also the organization
“Let Them Talk!” written by Wayne E. Wright is an article that focuses on the idea of promoting English Language Learners (ELL) oral-language skills in the classroom instruction time to improve their literacy and academic achievement. Too often are an ELL’s speaking and listening skills overlooked and not given enough attention to, even though it is one of the most important parts of communication. Wright encourages teachers working with ELL students to allow time for the student to adjust, not to pressure them into their language development, respect their various stages, bring them into whole class and small group discussions, correct simple language errors in speaking that impeded comprehension, and have them interact and communicate in the classroom for meaningful purposes.
Female friendships are thought of as complicated, confusing and stereotyped as maleficent. Roxanne Gay stated in her book Bad feminist that, “all female friendships must be bitchy, toxic, or competitive.” (47) Her point made in the chapter titled; ‘How to Be Friends with Another Woman’ clarifies and lays out the rules and procedures women must undergo and follow to satisfy society’s basic layout of women’s relationships. Her points stated specify the attitudes, behavior, and expectations of one another to balance and create a stable relationship.
Deborah Tannen’s, “Fighting For Our Lives,” explores the ideas and concepts behind human sociology. She delves into the sociolinguistic relationship between women and men in conversation. Tannen amplifies the importance between language and gender and how they affect interpersonal relationships. Tannen showcases her analytical thinking processes by using rhetorical strategies to support her claim on conflicted communication within the argument culture. Specifically, focusing on politics, the law, education, spousal relationships, the media and within work environments. She gives many examples to support her claim by using figurative language and literary devices such as metaphors and logic and reasoning to accurately convey her message.
Deborah Tannen is the author of “Sex, Lies and Conversation: Why is it So Hard for Men and Women to Talk to Each Other”. Tannen is a linguist who researches the relationships between men and women. She has not only conducted research, but has information published in several books and essays about this topic. Her research includes talking with several of groups and collecting data on the behalf of their response. In her essay, “Sex, Lies and Conversation,”Tannen argues that complications arise in marriages and relationships because individuals are not able to communicate with members of the opposite sex.
In the introduction of Deborah Tannen’s “Conversation Style: Talking on the Job”, she compares and contrasts the ways men and women communicate. This reminds me of what I tell people that are struggling in their relationships. Women and men express themselves differently. Women think, but men act. If you can’t wrap your head around this, being in a relationship with anyone is going to be hard. Yet, this is such a basic way of looking at this issue. Not only are the genders vastly different, but each person relates to the world around them in a certain way. He or she also needs to be related to in a specific way. Looking at personalities and personal histories can give a better look at the way we communicate with each other. Tannen examines
Something that has made an acceleration to several arguments is gender communication (Oluwagbemi-Jacob 225). The gender
Chapter 9 Gendered Close Relationships is about stereotypes for men and women ideas on how to behave in relationships. The expectations for male and female in a relationships have been set by their gender roles. The meaning of personal relationships is where partners depend on each other for various things from affection to material assistance. Partners are expected affection, companionship and energy. The two main models of personal relationships are male deficit model and alternate paths model. Male deficit model suggests male lack skills in developing relationships with others. In alternate paths model, men and women just have different ways to sustain a relationship. It’s not that men lack skills but men show it in a different way.
David Grazian’s study builds on Quinn’s research on men and women's interactions and Grazian finds similar results as Quinn did in her study. In the study of Grazian the performance of both men and women was driven by both genders trying to prove that they are as the audience (society) says they should be. Society has men believing that all women want only one type of man, a masculine man and society has woman believing that men want women who are quite, pretty and live to make their man happy. Both parties in both studies have been fooled by society and they don’t realize or understand
Do men and women effectively communicate in the same way, or is it just a conversation of misunderstanding? There is constantly a new interest in whether men and women converse successfully. Professor and journalist, Deborah Tannen writes, “Sex, Lies, and Conversation: Why Is It So Hard for Men and Women to Talk to Each Other?” Tannen compares and contrasts all conversational styles, and explains how the expectation of dialogue affects how men and women converse. Tannen focuses on the subject of marriage and the imbalance of interest between male and female couples. The contrasting perspective however comes from, Deborah Cameron, author of, “What Language Barrier”. Cameron conveys that the stereotypes left upon male and female communication
Wood, J. T. (2013). Gendered lives: communication, gender & and culture (10th ed.). Boston, MA: Wadsworth Cengage Learning.
Sociological perspectives suggest that nonverbal communication is of particular importance to women because their socialization to docility and passivity makes them likely targets for social control. Sexuality (masculinity or femininity) is not biologically determined but is part of social learning. In "Womanspeak and Manspeak," Nancy Henley, Mykol Hamilton, and Barrie Thorne have argued that while women’s general bodily demeanor must be restrained and restricted, and that their femininity is gauged by how little (personal) space they take up. In contra...
Overall, we can see that 200 years later we are still attempting to escape from the gender line created through society’s image of men and women. Men and women still fail to communicate their feelings within their relationships, resulting in an overall unhealthy marriage. Today women and men attempt to challenge these gender stereotypes by taking on the roles of the opposite gender, but like in the “Yellow Wallpaper” are immediately met with “heavy opposition” and disapproval through the process. Although we may seem as though we are improving in escaping from the gendered stereotypes, the past will always be recurrent in a majority of relationships today if dominance within the relationship is not equally balance between both sexes.
Lieberman, Simma. “Differences in Male and Female Communication Styles” Simma Lieberman Associates (undated). Retrieved February 25, 2010<
...or a relationship”. In genderlects, there is no superior or inferior method of communication, but rather, men and women just communicate differently. By understanding these differences, one can reduce the amount of misunderstandings in future conversations.