Sex Lies And Conversation Deborah Tannen Summary

Alex Martinez Martinez 1 Mr. Chapel English Composition I 12/11/15

The Tale of Two

In the short story “Sex, Lies and Conversation” by Deborah Tannen, men and women are

compared as if they have two different mind sets when it comes to communication. Tannen uses

a tone of confusion and curiosity to make sure the reader is in fact aware of how men and women

really feel about how each of them talk. I believe that women and men have a different view of

the word communication. Men don’t think much of it but, women believe that if they

communicate and tell one another everything the relationship between both will be more stable

and trustworthy.

One of the examples that Tannen really brought up was at the beginning of the story.

There was a small gathering with both men and women

present. During the gathering a man
was just talking and telling stories while his wife was quiet and keep to herself.

Tannen

commented to the man and said “Women frequently complain that their husbands don’t talk to

them.” After that was said the man told everyone there that his wife is the talkative one. When

they are home she is always keeping the conversation going. He also said that if she didn’t they

would just sit in silence. Tannen was referring to the fact that women don’t like to talk in big

crowds for the main fact they don’t want that much attention brought upon them. On the other

side men love attention and when they have a chance to shine they go for it. That’s one way

men see communication different. Men communicate to others to brag to an extent and tell their

stories. Women keep quiet and content to themselves till the right opportunity comes for them to

speak their mind. Normally that person they want to speak their mind to is the husband.

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Tannen’s research over why women tell the husband that he doesn’t listen or pay

attention to her is quite conclusive. Tannen say men don’t want to listen because of the alpha

mindset men have. They feel as if they are being talked down upon like a dog or a

simple
employee. So when women say he doesn’t pay attention when she talks to him or doesn’t look
at her. The man really is but just doesn’t want to be talked down upon. Body language tells a lot
about how the conversation is going. Being slumped down and not paying attention makes
women feel as if the man doesn’t care for what she has to say. When that happens it causes
fights and arguments that could lead to something bad occurring.
When a couple argue it comes from how they communicate to how each of them handle
it. When a women says the husband doesn’t open up to me enough and doesn’t share his
feelings she expects him to come home every day with something new to talk about. Sometimes
men don’t feel the need to elaborate on his day. Maybe he had a bad day and doesn’t want to
talk about it. Then the wife keeps pushing and pushing until he finally gets mad and they start
arguing. Then one thing leads to another and it all happened because they didn’t communicate
the way a married couple should. Women feel the need to tell their husband everything. That’s
the way a marriage should go. A women’s husband is supposed to be her support through
everything and listen and give each other advice through bad situations. When that doesn’t
happen women feel like they are not important and are being pushed away.
Tannen’s research about how the opposite sex’s communicate is very valid. Women
need men to be there for them when they have something to say. Most of the time they don’t
have anyone else to talk to about it. So the different ways of how they communicate are very
odd. Men don’t need that much attention while women want the man to pay attention to
everything they say and to elaborate with them. When events like that happen men and women
have a strong healthy relationship with one another. If they don’t communicate right women feel
as if they are not wanted and things could lead to the women leaving the man. In conclusion the
main point to keep a marriage and relationship trustworthy and strong is to communicate.
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Works Cited
Tannen, Deborah. "Sex, Lies and Conversation." The Norton Mix: A Custom Publication. New York, N.Y.: W.W. Norton, 2011.