Three Stages Of Cheating In The New Monogamy

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Being cheated on can be traumatizing and possibly the worst thing that has ever happened to you. After you find out that your partner has been cheating on you your instinct may be to run. Making a rash decision is not the answer. According to The New Monogamy, by Tammy Nelson, there are three stages a couple in this crisis will go through after the discovery of an affair. First is the crisis stage, then the understanding stage, and lastly the vision stage. This is a crisis that calls for professional help, seeking a counselor will be the best chance you have of keeping your marriage together.

The Crisis Stage - During this stage, both partners will be very emotional. The partner who was cheated on will feel hurt beyond repair and while the cheater will feel guilty for what they have done. It will be difficult but now is not the time to decide if you are going to work it out or part ways. Everything that you know is now upside down, and you won't trust anything that your partner says. At this stage, you will grieve, and it's necessary to let go of your relationship because even if you stay together that relationship is gone. …show more content…

This is the time for you, your partner, and your therapist to explore the answers to those questions to figure out what happened and why. Each partner played a role in allowing the affair to happen. You will have to be honest will each other going forward, you cannot build a new relationship on lies. You will examine what was not working in your relationship that allowed for the affair to happen and learn healthy behaviors in place of the current unhealthy ones. Once you can stop blaming each other for what happened you will be able to move on to the next

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