A Defense of Polyamory

Mention the concept of polygamy in any “civilized” gathering, and you just may be able to see the shiver of repulsion that ripples through the crowd. By substituting the word “polyamory” in, you will be able to circumvent this reaction – but only because everyone is staring at you in baffled silence instead. So we begin, as always, with definitions.

Polyamory, like polygamy, refers to the state of conducting multiple romantic relationships at once; however, there are many distinctions between the terms. The most blatant difference is that polygamy specifies the participants are all married to each other, whereas polyamory encompasses a spectrum of relationships ranging from casual to committed. Furthermore, polygamy has its roots in religious and highly patriarchal systems, such as the Abrahamic faiths or the notorious Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Quite distinctly, the lifestyle we now know as polyamory grew out of the hippies’ free love movement in the 1960s, with considerably different values. In its modern form, it is a secular alternative lifestyle that is gradually gaining in popularity. It is estimated that there are over half a million openly polyamorous families in the United States alone.

Despite these notable numbers, polyamory remains misunderstood and much maligned. Largely due to our unwarranted and yet seemingly unwavering faith in the sanctity of monogamy, polygamists often feel tremendous pressure to hide their private lives, for fear of losing the respect of friends and family. By creating a stigma around having multiple partners, we as a society are committing nothing less than discrimination. Despite all of the arguments that its opponents have hurled against the lifestyle, p...

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...n the legal realm is not enough. To truly make a difference, we must change the status quo; we must shift our own attitudes to become more accepting of alternative ways of conducting intimate relationships. Considering that it does not harm love, it does not harm children, and it does not harm the moral fibre of society, there is no reason why polyamory should not be viewed as a perfectly legitimate lifestyle choice. And in the end, that is what it comes down to: choice. Polyamory represents the ability to choose who to involve yourself with, and who to entrust with your emotional, intellectual, and sexual needs. This is a freedom that can lead to happier, more fulfilling lives, and thus is a freedom that no one has the right to bar. As Trudeau once famously said: “the state has no place in the bedrooms of the people”, and neither do other people – unless invited in.