Revision Stratigies: English Assignment Analysis

636 Words2 Pages

Revision Stratigies

By

Kara LaMar









English Composition

Richard LeMons

7/24/2015














In the letter to the college adminitstrators, the students’ wrote a letter urgeing the school not to make community service a requirement. The student had many valid point’s on why this should not happen,while the paper had a strong introduction,and a good overall argument there are many mistake with syntax ,and sentence structure. To be taken seriously by the administrative staff, the student needs to consider revising the letter.In the following paragraphs I will be discussing what mistakes I found and make some suggetions of what should have been written, to give the letter more flow.

Overall the letter had valid points but just need to have better sentnce structure.There where many fragmented sentence’s,for example; the student wrote”We aren’t obligated to …show more content…

Community service will not work for the student body due to the reasons’ I have mentioned. With changing words a and the sentence structure it will sound more adult like,and not confrontational.Administrators will not become defensive,the student’s will get their point across,and maybe they will give more consideration to not having the community service

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