I Hate Pedestrians: A Short Story

749 Words2 Pages

I hate pedestrians. The odd thing is that I don’t even drive. I get the privilege of riding the public transit for free through my school, so there’s no reason for me to pay the atrocious amounts of money for parking. Essentially, I despise my own kind. Sometimes I feel the Army conditioned me to be this way. Especially during basic training, they have this “hurry up and wait” mentality. It made perfect sense initially, because it made sure that everyone was on time and prepared for whatever was scheduled for that day. However, there were far too many times where 200-plus recruits were crammed together on bleachers at the training site that weren’t even supposed to fit that capacity, waiting for further instruction that wasn’t even ready …show more content…

But even still, I once had someone tailgate right behind me. The weird thing about it was that I was on State Street, which has a very wide sidewalk, with nobody coming from the opposite direction. This lady had ample room to get around me if she wanted, yet she seemed the most comfortable right up on my ass (my ass isn’t even that special). Now I was starting to get a bit paranoid. I’m borderline jogging at this point, trying to escape the nauseating combination of hair spray and cheap perfume. I contemplated suddenly stopping and getting her to rear end me and realize the error in her ways, but then had the thought that she was trying to pick-pocket me and stopping would give her that excuse to bump into me and steal my wallet (or even worse, grab my unexceptional rear end). So we get to a crosswalk. Arm hairs get to know each other. When the light turned green, she careened in front of me, then she starts walking slow as shit. I couldn’t fucking believe it. Now I’m tailgating her. Now I’m the asshole. I almost had the urge to strangle her. I essentially said “fuck this” and started walking even slower just so she could get a few (hundred) paces away from me, all while glaring at her, hoping that she notices with the third eye in the back of her

Open Document