Funeral for a Father I Never Knew

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Recommended: Management of grief by jhumpa lahiri english comp 2

"He looks just like me. Mom, I should have tried to see him." These were my words as I looked at my biological father lying in his coffin. His name was Larry James, and he lived in Utah. I hadn't seen him in years.

It was during the spring of last year. The evening was quiet, and I was trying to concentrate on my chemistry homework, which was becoming incredibly tedious. The sudden ring of the phone broke the calm. Nobody yelled downstairs, so I knew it wasn't for me. However, after a few minutes, my mom came downstairs with a serious, we-need-to-talk look on her face. At first I thought, "Oh great, what did I do now?" Then I realized she had been crying.

"Tanya, your Aunt Linda just called."

My Aunt Linda, I had never even heard of her.

"Your father, Larry, died last night."

I was numb; I didn't know what to think or feel. My mom continued talking, but the entire conversation seemed unreal. She told me that he had committed suicide and the funeral would be on Friday. I needed to decide if I wanted to go.

After she left, my emotions overtook me. I broke down and began to cry. Not just any light, short cry but a tearful, shuddering sob. I didn't even know why I was crying. After all, I really didn't know him. Yet, I still felt like he was a part of me. All I could think about was that the next time I went to Utah, I was going to try to see him and that would never happen. Even though I didn't really know him, I still decided to go to the funeral because I thought I needed the closure.

The four-hour drive from Hotchkiss to Utah seemed to take an eternity. In my mind I kept going over the fact that my father was dead and I would never truly know him. I tried to remember him, but my only memories were of him at th...

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...etting. Larry meant a lot to her, so she was really upset. She recognized me, though, which is amazing considering she had Alzheimer's and hadn't seen me for over two years. Even though I wasn't able to really know my father, being around his family made me feel closer to him. After the dinner following the funeral, my mom and I said goodbye to everyone.

Later that night, my mom and I began reminiscing about Larry. I wanted her to tell me more details about him than what she had previously shared with me. Instead of telling me, she showed me. There were pictures of my mom and him on their wedding day and the reception afterwards. The picture that stuck in my mind was the one where Larry, my mom and I were actually a family. With tears running down my cheeks, I said to my mom, "Mom, I never knew him and I could have prevented that. I should have tried to see him."

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