Extraordinary Relationships: Chapter Analysis

Chapters 5 and 6 in Extraordinary Relationships gave a good introduction into new concepts relating to Human Interactions and Relationships. These new concepts give a better idea in understanding relationship patterns and the various emotions that come along with relationships. Two concepts that stood out to me that were discussed throughout the chapter were relationship patterns and relationship emotions. Over time many relationships develop their own unique patterns. In many cases these patterns have been part of the individual all along. Gilbert (1992) states “Usually what people do in a relationship crises is more of the same thing they have been doing, only more intensely and more anxiously” (pg.36). When individuals go through relationship

issues anxiety is heightened. When anxiety is heightened the partner’s ability to think straight and effectively is impaired. It is not till their anxiety decreases that they are able to think about their problems. What they began to see is they are in a relationship pattern that is increasingly hurting their relationship all together. Like mentioned before, these patterns are not new and they have been of the individual since childhood. Gilbert (1992) believes that patterns “may have begun years ago; it may even go back to childhood or previous generations” (pg. 36). When the partners began to recognize these patterns and the various feeling that go along with them, they are able to begin to contribute in a positive manner. Gilbert (1992) states “What is important is that people be able to see patterns of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors where they exist.

Once they can objectively see the pattern and how it repeats itself over time, they are in a position to see their own contribution to it” (pg. 36). An individual can only change their own relationship pattern. If one individual in the relationship tries to make a positive change to their relationship pattern it is more than likely that the other partner will follow in their footsteps (Gilbert, 1992). While reading this chapter on relationship patterns I began to notice similarities with some of my own relationships. It was awesome to see how these patterns come about and how to improve them. One of the second concepts discussed in the chapters was the emotions in relationships. One factor that stood out to me was how vital and crucial emotions are to human life. Gilbert (1992) believes that “Emotions are important to all life, firing the strong, quick reactions necessary to survive the dangers of existence” (pg. 38). Emotions can also be described as patterns that are created early on. In relationships emotions are one of the crucial parts of a relationship, but they can also lead to be part of the most difficult parts of a relationship. Gilbert (1992) states “While they are necessary, desirable, and pleasurable, feelings and emotions also lead to most of the

difficulties in relationships” (pg. 39). When anxiety forms in a relationship, partners began to create emotional patterns. These patterns are conflict, distance, cutoff, dysfunctional spouse, and dysfunctional child. These two concepts don’t only play a part in my future profession of social work but as well in my personal life. The field I have decided to go into is social work, both these concepts are essential to this profession. Understanding emotional patterns will better help me understand my own clients and as well as their history that lead up to theses patters. Knowing these concepts will also help me better my own relationships. I look forward to reading and learning more about human interactions and relationships.