Ever hear the famous words “fine, whatever” or “don’t act so serious, I was only kidding”? Of course, on average an individual expresses passive-aggressive behavior 3-8 times through the day (Whitson). This behavior can be defined as: a “defense mechanism that allows people who aren't comfortable being openly aggressive get what they want under the guise of still trying to please others” (Urban Dictionary). Passive-aggressive behavior provides only negative outcomes and should be considered as an emotional disorder because it/they makes people emotional unstable, can affect relationships with others, and makes people afraid of challenges/conflicts and change. A person with passive-aggressiveness tends to do poorly in having effective relationships.
This is learned from home life that a person experienced as a child. As a passive-aggressive adult, a person would have grown up to believe that speaking their truth, or simply saying ‘no’ to something wrong, is dangerous, and will “jeopardize their chance to receive love and affection from their parents or caregivers” (Seltzer). Meaning that the real feelings or emotions never present itself through the person because he/she is afraid to express him or herself. Growing up with either strict regulations or regimented laws, and no chances at personal adventures that expresses the person. Not only is passive-aggressive behavior effective to the person it also emotionally affects others. For example, in a work environment, a co-worker has idea that a person does not agree with. Instead of saying that they think they have a better idea or does not agree with, that person will just agree with it. Later on, the person starts missing deadlines or comes up with excuses of not “having the time” to do it. This affects the co-worker because, then the co-worker will have to change to please that person and possibly start all over, which causes stress and anger. This is called “underhanded sabotage”, where a person “purposely undermine tasks, projects, activities, deadlines or agreements. Causing harm or loss materially” (Ni). Mentioned before,
Stress-management. Humans usually react on impulse without giving a thought of what they are about to do or what they are about to say. If we give enough time to think if our actions or words would hurt others, then our violent behaviors will be reduced. One strategy that really works well is by keeping silent when you're at the peak of your emotion. When you are angry, frustrated, depressed, or hurt, it is much better to keep silent for a while. If you are already able to think clearly, that's the time that you ought to confront the person
Many people believe verbal communication to be a very powerful way of expressing oneself. Words gain there power when the volume is raised and lowered alternatively to make a point. Additionally, the influence of speech can manifest itself in a number of ways. It can be used to humiliate, to intimidate, to flirt and to threaten, all of which are integral and pragmatic strategies to win a power struggle.
Anger is something that everyone has. It is a natural response to threats and it can sometimes be necessary to survive. However, when handled improperly, anger can be a very destructive emotion. Letting anger take control of a person can make them very violent, aggressive, and unreasonable
A deliberate injurious act or course of action against another person, motivated by resentment of
If anger were a disease, there would be an epidemic in this country. Road Rage, spousal and child abuse, and a lack of civility are just a few examples. Emotionally mature people know how to control their thoughts and behaviors how to resolve conflict. Conflict is an inevitable art of school and work, but it can be resolved in a positive way.
Our behavior or conflict style tells a lot about us as humans. It is an important piece of life’s puzzles, and how we go about living a healthy life. Our particular path decides where conflict will lead to, or if it could be resolved quickly with everyone feeling content. However, our non-verbal behavior could indicate when a person is upset or anoid.This is usually related to unmet needs or goals (Steve A. Beebe, 2008, p. 191).
I had never really considered the definition of assertive behavior, nor had I ever contemplated my own assertiveness level. I generally think of assertiveness more as a state of being, not really something that I need to strive for. After reviewing Module One and researching assertiveness and assertion training, I realize that I have not Dbeen realistic about what assertiveness entails. According to Beagrie (2006), “Many people confuse assertiveness with being bossy, overbearing or aggressive. Being assertive is simply the ability to stand up for yourself, state your views, tackle issues up-front and, in many cases, stop others from taking advantage” (p. 24). I can admit that up until now, I was one of those confused people. I have often viewed assertive people as somewhat bossy and overbearing. Even when I have needed to be assertive, I have felt that people may view me in a negative way . In reality, I now see that there is absolutely nothing wrong with expressing how I feel as long as I continue to respect those around me.
Simon, PhD, D. G. (2008, November 7). Understanding the Aggressive Personalities | CounsellingResource.com.CounsellingResource.com – Psychology, Therapy & Mental Health
The two defensive mechanisms I use most often are VERBAL AGGRESSION and SARCASM. I tend to use verbal aggression when I think things are are not going my way. I tend to use the BLAME GAME and end up using verbal aggression. I also use sarcasm at times, not intentionally, when I get frustrated and say things right away without thinking the situation out. I respond defensively towards my wife with verbal aggression when i think i am correct. When in reality, if I would just stop and think first instead of just opening my mouth. I also use sarcasm when I get frustrated over the simplest stuff. Not trying to mean harm to no one, just end up saying the wrong things. I am definitely learning lots from this chapter to put towards my relationship and
In my experience of being taught on expressing my emotions is different from my friends. But, we can also relate to each other because we come from the same culture. Since my friends and I came from the same culture we were taught similar in our beliefs. As I grew older I was slowly being taught that in my culture we do not really have rules or guidelines for everything, but more about the beliefs of our older family members that we are taught that helps build our own set beliefs. Since we go based off of our own beliefs in my family, my dad always told me that I can believe whatever I want to believe in and that he is not trying to force me into believing in something that I do not agree with. When I was young I had my Dad and my older brother that would influence my expressing in emotions, because they were males to and I can relate to them more than my mom and my two sisters. Both of my parents taught me that I can express my positive emotions. My family believes that to have good health and a positive life is to not think about negative things all the time and expressing them to others. It is good to have a clear mind and to express good emotions as much as I can if I want to be more healthy, is basically what I am taught in my family’s culture. Being around males as a kid, I was taught to hide my feelings and emotions or to try to show less of it. But, as I
Animosity can be comprehended in different ways. It can be conceptualized as an identity quality or including causes inside a troublesome disposition as such animosity might be inborn to the person. Another perspective of hostility distinguishes it is an indication with or without expectation or versatile capacity. Animosity may likewise mirror a behavioral example that can be ascribed to a disorder, for example, Lesch-Nyhan disorder. A wide range of forceful conduct
Verbal abuse, talking about others, judging others also part of this. This damages others, and it’s hard not to do this because everybody does it but just because everybody does doesn’t make it right.
This is one of the Passive/Defensive styles, which pertain to self-promoting behaviors and ways of thinking. These are used for maintainng one’s position or status and for fulfilling one’s security needs through task-related activities. In particular, the Conventional Style is characterized by a greater importance being accorded to rules over ideas and by adherence to practices and policies, as well as by reliability and steadiness.
This can either be a positive or negative thing and how you act on it, or do not act, can show how in control and effective you are with your feelings. According to the text, “just because you feel a certain way does not mean you have to act on it” and that “people who act out angry feelings actually feel worse than those who experience anger without lashing out” (Adler, Rosenfeld, Proctor II, year?). Even though acting on your feelings may seem uncontrollable, it is important to deal with them in a different and more productive way. Recognizing how you feel and using the right approach during a constructive conversation is always better than quickly lashing out without completely understanding the situation or how you feel besides angry. Furthermore, “recognizing the difference between feeling and acting can liberate you from the fear that getting in touch with certain emotions will commit you to a course of action” (Adler, Rosenfeld, Proctor II, year?). Understanding your emotions is important so that you will be able to experience feelings that may upset you and still be able to deal with them from a positive standpoint. Once you can separate your feelings from actions you will be able to make more rational
can lead to long term mental health issues, often times worse than aggression. In early childhood,