Tom Fields-Meyer Life Sparknotes

Nicole Tschida
EDU 321 A
10-30-17

Following Ezra
Following Ezra is about the journey that a father takes to understand the unique world in which his son lives and about the trials of being a parent. Tom Fields-Meyer tells the personal story of a parent of a child with autism. The start of Tom’s journey takes place in the summer of 1999 on the foothills bordering Simi Valley, California. His wife Shawn had just finished her degree in rabbinical studies and has been ordained a Jewish rabbi. Tom and his wife have three sons: Ami, age five, Ezra, age three, and Noam who is eighteen months old. The story follows a father searching for the right doctors and specialists, in his attempt to “fix” his son. Through his journey, he discovers how to

stop trying to change Ezra and to follow his lead. Tom chooses to learn about Ezra’s interests and way of thinking and begins to develop a relationship with his son. Tom soon realizes his son has a unique ability to remember an infinite amount of details and to sort it out in his mind. He also learns about his son’s enthusiasm for life and uses these gifts to help Ezra learn and grow.
When Ezra was three years old, his family had just recently moved from New York to Los Angeles. At his new school, his preschool teacher noticed concerning behavioral differences between Ezra and other children his age. Ezra would isolate himself from his peers and he seemed to be afraid of everything. He would run away from his parents and not listen to them when they called his name. Constantly fidgeting and taking off his clothes, Ezra seemed to be uncomfortable in his own body. When Ezra was at home he would often play by himself, lining up plastic dinosaurs and jungle animals in symmetrical patterns. What was concerning about Ezra’s behavior is that he seemed to be stuck in the solitary play stage of social development while he should have been in the associative play stage. Ezra should be venturing out to play with other children his age, instead, he lacked interest in communicating with his peers. The abnormal behavior that Ezra exhibited went unnoticed by his parents. They did not notice anything particularly wrong with Ezra. They were under the mindset that every child is different. The reactions of Ezra’s parents to the news that their child had autism were vastly different. The therapist informed them that they have to allow themselves to grieve because their child did not turn out the way they expected (pgs. 21-23). When Ezra’s mother, Shawn, learned that her son had autism she felt completely lost and hopeless. Ezra’s Father, Tom, did not feel the need to grieve because he had no preliminary expectations for any of his children. He wants to understand and support his son and follow his lead (pgs. 21-23). Despite Ezra’s parent’s reactions being very different from each other, both of them were shocked when they realized that their child was not developing the same as other children his age. Ezra showed all the characteristics of having Autism, but it was not until age 3 that he was officially diagnosed. Through seeing therapists weekly and working with Ezra’s teachers and other specialists the IEP team was formed. Once this team was formed the challenge was to get Ezra to communicate effectively with people and to help him not be afraid of the world.
The challenges that Tom and his wife faced in raising Ezra, were often spontaneous disruptive behaviors.

Ezra would run away or chase something that caught his attention. He seemed to not be listening when people were speaking to him or giving him instructions. One such incident is when Tom took his son to get his haircut and it resulted in a violent standoff between Ezra and the barber (pg. 34). Another strange behavior ezra exhibited was his constant fear of the things, there were times when he refused to go into a room because something frightened him (pg. 39). It was not just Ezra’s fear of the world that made it a challenge to parent him, he was also unable to understand the difference between having thoughts and saying them out loud. There was one particularly embarrassing incident that Tom recalls where his son, at the age of 7, asked Charlie (a neighbor) repeatedly why he was fat (pgs. 57-58). Despite these moments of embarrassment the hardest thing that Tom and his wife had to struggle with was the inability to connect with their own son. Ezra was often lost in thought in his own little world. Although it was difficult to make a connection with their son, Ezra’s parents did begin to make those connections through his interests and obsessions. Learning how to connect with their son in a new and unique way was a challenge for Tom and his wife but through constant perseverance, they were able to establish that connection. Being the parent of Ezra is certainly not easy. It has its own unique challenges and struggles, but Tom will never regret having his son or be heartbroken he didn’t turn out to be like other typical children of his age. Over the years Tom learned how to focus on what is important, which is to love his son unconditionally and follow his

lead.
There were many changes to the family life cycle throughout Following Ezra. Tom and his wife Shawn welcomed three son’s into their life, Ezra being the second. Their life became more challenging when Ezra was diagnosed with autism at age three, changing their life completely. Everyone was affected when it was made known that Ezra had autism. There was stress between the parents because they worried about their son, and worry over whether Ezra would be able to connect with his brothers, family members, and peers. Had Ezra been diagnosed at birth it would have been less of a shock to his parents compared to believing Ezra was developing normally and finding out later that he has autism. One of the major family functions mentioned throughout Following Ezra was socialization. From the moment of his birth, Ezra experienced this function. He grew up around: his parents, brothers, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and other relatives. He received a constant flow of communication from his family. During his early years, his socialization skills were primarily used in the context of his family. This began to change as he entered school and had to learn how to interact with multiple children of his age group. One particular challenge Ezra faced was his inability to connect with people and his constant fear of the world. His father explains the hardship of realizing that he cannot connect with his own son. Ezra’s inability to connect with others also affected his relationship with his brothers, while they would play with their peers and each other Ezra often played by himself. The connection his parents desired for him to have with other people was limited because of his autism. While Ezra may have appeared at first to not be gaining any socialization skills he slowly over time through constant interaction with his own family and his teachers and peers at school began to learn how to connect with people. As new family members and other people came into Ezra’s life and interacted with him, his socialization skills began to improve. Ezra was no longer a boy lost in his own world, he was beginning to branch out into that world that at one time made him afraid.
In Following Ezra, Tom shares his experience as a father trying to raise a child with autism. He explains particularly well and in great detail all the challenges and experiences he faced while raising Ezra. I loved the way he brought the reader into the story by explaining every situation, struggle, and emotion he felt from the time Ezra was first diagnosed with autism at age 3, to Ezra’s Bar Mitzvah at age 12. This allowed for me to make an emotional connection with Tom. Because Tom was able to articulate so well the daily struggles of being a parent of a child with a disability. I was able to sympathize with and understand the emotional toll that can occur when a family is trying to connect with their child and all hope seems lost. This book is very valuable for aspiring teachers because the autobiography helps them to understand the parents point-of-view. When you are a teacher, it is very important to be able to understand how a family feels when their child is diagnosed with autism or another disability. Not all families will take the news of their child’s disability, as well as Ezra’s father did, but it is important to be able to show families empathy and to let them know you understand their fears and worries. This book is also valuable for parents or other family members of a child with a disability because they can hear the story of another family going through a similar situation and feel more support. When a family learns of another family who has dealt with similar experiences they might feel less isolated. I can relate to Tom and the challenges he faced because in my own family I have siblings that have disabilities. Through reading Following Ezra I felt a connection with Tom because I understand his trials, but I also gained a deeper appreciation of parents who have a child with a disability. Often people try to fix the problems they see, but Tom instead of “fixing” his son learned to love unconditionally and follow his lead.