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Grief and loss theories
Grief and loss theories
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Now I can say with confidence that I had never figured out when people suffer from the unacceptable loss of a person dear to them. For my part it used to be sympathy, solicitude. When this happened to me, when my grandmother died, I started to realize the anguish people felt when their loved ones pass away. This unbearable pain which rips you apart, it feels like a heavy stone in your heart and makes you weep each time you recall a deceased family member. Time is unlikely to soothe this pain, no matter what others say.
Every morning I wake up thinking that she is in the dining room drinking her coffee and watching her favorite TV shows. All of a sudden the truth starts rushing up and I come to realize that it was just a dream which was still hanging around me. In spite of my outward calmness, I felt as if there was a big hole inside me. My grandmother’s death was truly a sobering event and the most traumatic loss in my life. The commemoration of my grandmother will always be with me wherever I go and always tinting my dreams with her gentle smell of rosemary and the glittering silve...
Death and Grieving Imagine that the person you love most in the world dies. How would you cope with the loss? Death and grieving is an agonizing and inevitable part of life. No one is immune from death’s insidious and frigid grip. Individuals vary in their emotional reactions to loss.
Why did they die? Why didn’t you stop it from happening? These are common questions asked following a loss. During this time of processing, two feelings are predominant; anger and guilt. The feeling of anger can be externally directed toward other people such as family members, colleagues, store clerks, bank tellers, and even pets. The anger can also be directed inwardly; this is when someone is angry with themselves. In both of these situations, the anger is misdirected. The anger being experienced is actually anger at the person that died. That is not meant to say we are angry with the person that died, rather we are angry at the loss of their physical presence in our life. We have been robbed of the opportunity to be with our loved one. Guilt is the other strong emotion that can be present when we are experiencing a loss. Many individuals get lost in guilt. These individuals believe they could have, should have, or would have been able to prevent their loved one from dying. If we step back and look at the situation, we realize we are only human. It is not our fault someone has died. We are not powerful enough to actually stop death from happening. Guilt is self-blame and it becomes a viscous circle that makes it hard to process grief. When individuals are able to rid ourselves of anger and/or guilt, it becomes possible to find
As I walked through the door of the funeral home, the floral arrangements blurred into a sea of vivid colors. Wiping away my tears, I headed over to the collage of photographs of my grandfather. His smile seemed to transcend the image on the pictures, and for a moment, I could almost hear his laughter and see his eyes dancing as they tended to do when he told one of his famous jokes. My eyes scanned the old photographs, searching for myself amidst the images. They came to rest on a photo of Grandpa holding me in his lap when I was probably no more than four years old. The flowers surrounding me once again blended into an array of hues as I let my mind wander……
Have you recently experienced the death or deteriorating health of a loved one? Do you feel stuck, confused and overwhelmed with grief?
Coming to terms with the death of a person important in your life, whether you knew him or her personally or not, can be extremely difficult. It is hard to put your feelings into words and adequately express the pain and darkness you are experiencing. On August 31, 1997, Princess Diana passed away, on June 29, 2009, Michael Jackson, the King of Pop, died - on these days the entire world for them. The world experienced the pain it is to lose someone in your life without even knowing these people personally. An estimated average of 1.80 people die per second. Hundreds of spouses, siblings, and friends that we know personally die every hour (http://www.medindia.net/patients/calculators/world-death-clock.asp). Death is a common human experience
Many turning points have occurred in my life, but I would say one really sticks out for me. This was when my granddad died in 2010. I talked about this event and how it affected my life in a thought piece earlier this year, but I thought this would be a good opportunity to elaborate on such a life changing event.
People should show each other love and respect because no one knows when. It will be the last time they see each other. Life gives us things that are both sad and joyous, but we learn from each experience. I have experienced the feelings of losing someone I love. Witnessing such an experience can change one’s life either to good or bad, there is always a change. I witnessed my grandma’s unexpected death with a lot of exclamation marks. We were having our usual gathering every Friday. My uncles, aunts, and cousins were there. There were a lot of kids and a big table full of our favorite meals that my mom and aunts made. Kids were playing outside the garden enjoying the beautiful weather. We can see them from the front window in the living room. The smell of fresh air plus the smell of the desserts was all over the house. The room was filled with my uncle’s loud conversation and hysterical laughs. My Grandma was sitting at the corner of the living room on her fancy, leather sofas. It was not the first time we gathered at her house, but it was last time.
Never take your family for granted. That is something that I did not once, but twice. The first time I ever experienced death with a close family member was with my aunt. I was only seven years old, so I had not even thought about death yet. It was my sisters 4th Birthday Party. We had all of our family members in our garage celebrating. I remember the birthday was Dora the Explorer themed. She had a Dora cake, and got many Dora themed gifts, including a purple and orange scooter. It was towards the end of the party and people were starting to say their goodbyes. I vividly remember my aunt walking down my driveway, turning around, and waving goodbye. I never would have thought that would be the last time I would ever see her
Two years and four months ago I died. A terrible condition struck me, and I was unable to do anything about it. In a matter of less than a year, it crushed down all of my hopes and dreams. This condition was the death of my mother. Even today, when I talk about it, I burst into tears because I feel as though it was yesterday. I desperately tried to forget, and that meant living in denial about what had happened. I never wanted to speak about it whenever anyone would ask me how I felt. To lose my Mom meant losing my life. I felt I died with her. Many times I wished I had given up, but I knew it would break the promise we made years before she passed away. Therefore, I came back from the dead determined and more spirited than before.
Death is a monumental pat of life and everyone experiences it during their lifetime. Unfortunately, some experience the trauma of death too soon. Everyone has their different ways of dealing with the loss of a friends or a loved one. Some hide their feelings, some show them openly, and many just need time and space to handle the situation. There are stages of dealing with the loss of someone close to an individual but, of course, there are differences in every person. Research has shown that children who lose a loved one “experience a wide range of emotional and behavioral symptom and the child often experiences an increase in anxiety and concerns for the safety of other family members and experience fears around separation” (Akerman). Everyone has
Something that I really struggled with was the passing of my Grandmother. She was a strong woman and an inspiration to everybody in my family. I think that I struggled with it because she was a great human being, I kind of looked up to her a bit, and of course she was part of my family. I think that along with her passing, I struggled with the fact that she died when I thought that she did nothing wrong in her entire life and did not deserve to die. Mainly the fact that she was a really good person and she just died like that.
In my life time, I have experienced many deaths. I have never had anyone that was very close to me die, but I have shed tears over many deaths that I knew traumatically impacted the people that I love. The first death that influenced me was the death of my grandfather. My grandfather passed away when I was very young, so I never really got the chance to know him. My papaw Tom was my mothers dad, and she was very upset after his passing. Seeing my mom get upset caused me to be sad. The second death that influenced my life was the death of my great grandmother. My great grandmother was a very healthy women her whole life. When she was ninety three she had
As we sat together she would tell me stories. They were stories I had heard a million times before, but I did not mind hearing them again. She talked about meeting my grandpa and falling in love with him and the time they spent traveling the world together as traveling ministers. She talked about me, and the first time she held me. One of the last things she told me was how she knew her time left on earth was short. She reminded me that she would always watch over me, even after she was gone. After a short 3 months in the hospital, I got a phone call that she had passed away. There was this one time when I was about seven years old, that I was sitting relatively high in a tree I was climbing. I lost my grip and fell 6 feet to the ground and my back hit the hard terrain. The collision felt like it forced every wisp of air from my lungs, and I laid there struggling to breathe. That is how I felt in that moment. My breath was gone and I couldn’t speak. About a week later, I said my last goodbye. It feels like it was yesterday. It was rainy and dark on the day of her funeral. Inside I felt like the sky. My heart felt as heavy and as gloomy as the clouds looked, and the mixture of sadness and anger inside of
When a loved one passes away I experience a mixture of emotions. I feel sad because they are gone, and I also feel angry because I feel that their death was wrong and unfair. At the same time I feel happy, and privileged to have known them and had the relationship that I had with them. Most of all, I miss them everyday. There is no right way to respond to the death of a loved one, and no matter how much grief and loss one has gone through it never feels routine nor the same. Although our loved ones may be physically gone, they can still live on through our memories of them.
“Hello? Grandma?” No answer came as I flipped on the kitchen light. My heart was now racing as I moved across the kitchen, through the door into the living room. The TV was mutely flashing colors across the empty sofa and chairs. “Where are you?” I called, more urgently, backing out of the living room and creeping into her bedroom. Again, the lights were out, the bed undisturbed. As I called out a third time, I heard a muffled cooing. Spinning around, I saw her bathroom door, shut. Shaking slightly, I made to open the door, but met resistance.