Personal Essay On Objects And Memory

When a loved one passes away I experience a mixture of emotions. I feel sad because they are gone, and I also feel angry because I feel that their death was wrong and unfair. At the same time I feel happy, and privileged to have known them and had the relationship that I had with them. Most of all, I miss them everyday. There is no right way to respond to the death of a loved one, and no matter how much grief and loss one has gone through it never feels routine nor the same. Although our loved ones may be physically gone, they can still live on through our memories of them.
There are certain objects, places, and people that remind me of those who have passed away. My loved ones that have died live on through my memory of them. Some days my memory of them is so real, I feel as if they are still here with me and will come walking through my door to greet me. Other days, I do not really

remember their way of being, their scent, and their laugh, and I feel as if I am forgetting who they are and were. Overall, there can be some objects, places, and people that can help you remember vividly the life of your loved one.
In the novel Locomotion, by Jacqueline Woodson, she writes a story from the perspective of a little boy named Lonnie who recently lost his parents in a fire. Through his poetry he describes how he feels about the loss of his parents, and his little sister Lili, who is still alive yet not present with him because they live with different guardians. In his poem titled “Mama,” he describes the smell of his mother's perfume, honeysuckle talc powder, which reminds him of her. When he misses her he goes to the drugstore and asks the cosmetics lady if he can smell it to see if it is the right one. In reality they know he is not going to purchase it and just wants to smell it, because he often goes there to do just that. As he smells the perfume bottle “for those few seconds, Mama’s alive again.” He begins to remember many of her qualities like the way she laughed at his jokes, how she hugged him, the way she sang in the shower, and how she always had candy in her red pocketbook for him and Lili. Simply through the smell of her perfume he is able to remember his mother so vividly that he feels as if she were still alive and present with him. This perfume which was an ordinary everyday object for his mother, became significant to Lonnie. After his mother's death this object, this smell, connects him to his mother and reminds him of the way she was when she was alive (Woodson, 7-8). Ultimately, objects are a very powerful way of connecting yourself with the memory of someone, and the past.
Objects help tell stories.

They help us connect with the past and remind us of events that took place and the people who were there (Fein and Danitz, 2008). The objects help us “find our way forward” to be able to move on with our lives, but never forget those we lost (Fein and Danitz, 2008). In the documentary “Objects and Memory,” they discuss how ordinary things during the 9/11 terrorist attacks became a“connective device to the past” (Fein and Danitz, 2008). The helmet of a firefighter, a piece of paper with the signature of someone’s dead husband, a two dollar bill, all of these ordinary objects held meaning to the survivors of loved ones who passed away during the terrorist attack in New York. The object “freezes time and holds your connection” to that person and that event. The objects help us to remember that the past is real and is something that did in fact happen (Fein and Danitz, 2008). Despite cultural differences, holding onto “objects from the past speak towards the future,” and we preserve them because they preserve our memory of what once was (Lecture, May

12).
No matter how much time passes after the death of a loved one, we will always remember them. “Time heals all; and yet time makes no difference” (Lecture, May 19). Time does heal because we learn that life goes on, yet time makes no difference because our wounds can be opened again in seconds (Lecture, May 19). Objects can be powerful in helping us remember more vividly the person, and the event. Lonnie is able to remember his mother with the scent of the perfume bottle. He holds on to his memories of her through the smell of the perfume. He is nostalgic. He misses her. He is sad. Yet, this perfume bottle helps him feel connected to her. Similarly, I hold on to the bracelet that my cousin gave me because it reminds me of him. The ordinary object, a twentyfive cent bracelet, holds a lot of significance to me now and can sometimes cause me to feel happy or sad, regardless of the time that has passed. I remember when he gave it to and had a matching one for himself. I remember where we were, and who was with us. It reminds me of the time we spent together. It reminds me of the time we had as real. It reminds me of the bond that we had, and it reminds me of my family in Guatemala. Everyday ordinary objects become significant to us, as they hold meaning to us of the past and the person, with the power to bring us to a certain moment.
It has been two months since he passed away. Some days I feel okay. Other times, I will look at my bracelet and be brought back to the realization that he will never turn twenty years old. He will never see his five months old daughter grow up. He will never see me graduate, and we will never see him again. This paradoxical truth statement about grief holds true,“time heals, yet it can also make no difference” (Lecture, May 19).