Sibling Spats

Sibling Spats

“Both of you, to your rooms, now!” This is the typical punishment that used to

arise from sibling rivalry, but what are parents to do now when the fighting turns into

physical violence? The usual reprimanding may not be enough to calm the raging waters.

There are various suggested ways to control child behavior, but the problem is finding the

appropriate method for the right family.

The first step to finding a solution is locating the roots of the problems. When the

children are subjected to constant socialization, they learn to share and use their siblings as

a sort of “testing ground.” This time helps shape the child’s personalities and other

lifelong qualities (Bode 21). There are some questions concerning why certain siblings get

along harmoniously and affectionately, while others fight constantly. Some of the

disturbances in the relationships can be traced to age differences. When one of the

children reaches adolescence, they become very secretive. They want the world to see

them as an adult. Sometimes this proves to be overwhelming, so the child lashes out at

younger siblings or other family members (Bode 28 - 29).

Birth order also affects the relationships between siblings. All children in a family

behave differently because of the way they are or were treated by their parents and others.

First children tend to be put on their parent’s pedastool because they are expected to

succeed. They are very bossy to younger children, and have strong beliefs about what is

right or wrong, and how their brothers and sisters should behave. They do not let the

younger ones get away with something they could not do at their age. The second or

middle child does not expect to get his or her own way much. They learn to achieve what

they want through indirect means. Last, the third or youngest child learns that the best

method for them to get their way is by being nice. They frequently do what they want and

get away with it because others aren’t paying any attention. Living with all of these

dispositions in one household can lead to tremendous outbreaks of anger and frustration

just because of trivial differences (Bode 46 - 52).

Sibling rivalry has many causes that both parents and children can bring about, b...

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...ne with their parents

(Hoyt).

In conlcusion, sibling rivalry is going to occur no matter what action the parents

may decide to take. It is an age old problem that all families have been faced with at some

time. Parents can help their children learn to resolve their problems peacefully, but the

fighting itself cannot be completely prevented.

Works Cited

Barovick, Harriet. “Reluctant Referees.” Time 22 March 1999: 91.

Bode, Janet. TRUCE: Ending the Sibling War. New York/London/Toronto/Sydney:

Franklin Watts, 1991.

Gifford, Susan Korones. “From Little Girl to Big Sister.” Parents March 1999: 117 -

122.

Hoyt, Carolyn. “‘She’s a Stupid Little Brat’.” Good Housekeeping October 1999: 86,

90.

Ilg, Frances L., M.D., Louise Bates Ames, Ph.D., Sidney M. Baker, M.D. Child

Behavior: Specific Advice on Problems of Child Behavior. New York: Harper &

Row Publishers, 1981.

“Strategic Ways to Squash Sibling Squabbles.” Jet 1 November 1999: 20.