Personal Narrative: Surviving My Divorce

Realizing and embracing the reality, that a failed marriage had irreversibly altered me was a challenging transition and remains to be a work in continuous progress. This journey has been an experience which has compelled me to focus on accepting responsibility for my actions and decisions that led to this devastating life changing event. I could have easily allowed my negative emotions to take complete control in dealing with my tribulation. But, instead, I decided to face my misery and deal with every aspect of what led me to this distressing event. By doing this, I felt I could release the hurt, anger, bitterness, destroy the self-destructive thought process, and be able to have a healthy romantic relationship in the future. However, I found

Similar to the majority of women I’ve talked to about divorce, I wrestled with depression, anger, bitterness, self-doubt, self-pity, and delusion. According to my thought process, at the time, my ex-husband was to blame for every terrible moment of our marriage and the cause of our demise. I had convinced myself that I had in no way attributed to our marital difficulties, which led to my delusions of being innocent and being the victim of the situation. Moreover, these beliefs triggered my lack of confidence and sorrow. Believing that I was a perfect wife and had given my all to the relationship, playing the victim was effortless. However, my anger and depression were piquing in an abysmal fashion. Controlling my outburst of tearful scenes and my aggressive spewing of words was becoming an unmanageable, but familiar undertaking. After several months, all of these damaging emotions and toxic thoughts were becoming unbearable. I did not feel or act like the person I was before marriage. My demeanor was intensely offensive and intimidating. Simply put, I was not pleasant company for anyone. Following many embarrassing episodes, I knew I needed to urgently alter my conduct, perception, and

I was forced to look at myself in a way that I had never done before. Being truthful of about my faults, started a journey of desiring to know what I needed to emotionally and psychologically modify, in order to revive my contentment and joy in life. Subsequently, I recognized that I was not flawless and blameless in my misery. Accountability for my passiveness, ignoring situations that made me uncomfortable, and not voicing my unhappiness were elements that attributed to my husband’s confusion and ignorance to my true state of mind. A realization of my faults had been brought to the front lines of my mind, which in turn, caused a sensation of immense guilt. Thinking about my past actions and words spoken to my ex-husband, induced feelings of shame because I finally accepted my true role in the death of my matrimony. In the wake of these actualizations, I began to notice and embrace the transition of my self-perception. Once I became honest with myself about myself, I slowly, but steadily shed the negative emotions and antagonistic mind frame. At that point, the commencement of positive and uplifting self-discovery had entered my life. I no longer flinched when thinking of my attributes that needed adjusting. In fact, I wholeheartedly welcomed the challenge without regret and have witnessed some ultra positive changes in my