Personal Narrative: Recovering Addiction

I am a recovering addict. I’ve dealt with addiction since I was twelve, and I’ve had mixed reactions when I tell people about it. I tend to present myself as a competent and put-together person, and I want to write a solid essay about how addiction is not part of my identity any more. That’s not true though. I am writing this because recovery is an inseparable part of my life and identity, and a large part of my motivation to get the college degrees I will be studying for. I want to be honest about why I care.
Over two years of battling an eating disorder, I’m not where I was when I started. I am a normal weight, I care about my health. I understand how my body works, and what purging does to a body. The people I’m close with are part of the

process, and I don’t feel as alone or ashamed. I’m not delusional about the sustainability of having a disorder, I don’t kid myself about whether or not it’s what I really want. It’s not. I’m not fully recovered either, though. And I don’t think it’s possible to tell you when I will be. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
Recovery takes a lot of energy. It’s hard to admit, but I’m upfront with myself about what it takes. There will probably be days in college when I fall asleep in class because I spent the last night crying, and days when I lapse and freak out and am scared and alone. I know in high school, that’s been the case, and I have to work hard every time to catch up and do well. I know the first year away from home will be the hardest, and I might spend as much time in the first semester finding support as finding my career. I know there are downsides to being a student and a recovering addict. I wouldn’t send this as my essay if I didn’t believe there were practical and meaningful strengths too.
I’m interested in the humanities. I’m interested in sociology, in psychology, in how people think and what made them think that way. And I have a drive to learn about these things, because I can use that knowledge to better support those I’ve met through recovery, and in my own recovery. I want to know how current culture affects people, what the external world does to the internal one. That knowledge will help me choose to be what I want to be, and help others be more aware of what influences them. And because I am still struggling, I have a humility that comes from failure, and a constantly renewed empathy and insight into the practical aspect of what I study. I can learn from experience in a way that people who do not struggle with their mental health can’t.
I’m also interested in English and art and marketing, in how people share with each other.

I care deeply about honesty, and communicating the human experience. I want to learn about how others have expressed ideas well in the past, and how I can too. I have a constant reminder of the humanity of the people behind labels and campaigns. Because my addiction is largely related to what standards society sets, I care about having an effect on the trend of how we present ideals. I feel like it’s important to have a voice that is a clear and meaningful advocate for what I believe in. I want to learn how to say what I want to say, effectively, to communicate hope and love and shared

experience.
My humanity is an asset to my learning.

My incomplete recovery from bulimia is a part of what will keep me studying and researching and working hard. It’s the force behind my interest, to come back to problems I have trouble with, try harder, do better, like I will have to with recovery itself. The constant personal battle is what makes my efforts in English and science worth something to me. It’s what makes me want to make my interests worth something to others. I want to go to this university because your programs will help me do that, and the value of that is something that I will be reminded of every day that I live with an

addiction.