I always carry with me a list of life goals I desire to achieve. One of those goals is to get married to the one love of my life- and it still is. However, I have been led to believe that a monogamous marriage is the only option concerning relationships. Mono-normativity is simply the standard, and anything that is different is too exotic for many Americans. Unbeknownst to my adolescent self, however, America’s historical traditions and institutions have significantly influenced my perceptions of the world I live in. What I found to be normal was not because I deemed it so, but because society had given me a set of concepts and ideas to work with that have always been known to work and fit within the standard model of American life. Thus, I …show more content…
Indeed, I was about twenty years old when I realized that monogamy is not the only option. Now that I am twenty-two, and enrolled in this class, I realize that a polyamorous relationship is just as healthy (arguably healthier) as a monogamous relationship. Polyamorous relationships promote all the components of what constitutes a healthy relationship for me. These components are: honesty, truth, and open communication. These components build a strong foundation on which any relationship can survive. Given that I have been in a few relationships in which open communication was almost always an issue, the relationship was never able to thrive. Instead, there was always suspicion and deceit because the lack of communication led to a lack of confidence and honesty. In monogamous relationships I find that many of my friends focus on wanting a healthy life with their partner, but fail to practice these key components. My friends get envious over petty things and hide their feelings from their partners, which then turns into a self-destructive cycle that eventually tears into the relationship. Simply put, a lot of my friends (and sometimes I) do not know how to openly communicate our issues and desires, but that is a practice that polyamorous people accomplish. Without open communication and honesty, then such consensual non-monogamy that Nirel discusses in her TED Talk cannot
Human beings are not isolated individuals. We do not wander through a landscape of trees and dunes alone, reveling in our own thoughts. Rather, we need relationships with other human beings to give us a sense of support and guidance. We are social beings, who need talk and company almost as much as we need food and sleep. We need others so much, that we have developed a custom that will insure company: marriage. Marriage assures each of us of company and association, even if it is not always positive and helpful. Unfortunately, the great majority of marriages are not paragons of support. Instead, they hold danger and barbs for both members. Only the best marriages improve both partners. So when we look at all three of Janie’s marriages, only her marriage to Teacake shows the support, guidance, and love.
Is marriage really important? There is a lot of controversy over marriage and whether it is eminent. Some people believe it is and some people believe it is not. These opposing opinions cause this controversy. “On Not Saying ‘I do’” by Dorian Solot explains that marriage is not needed to sustain a relationship or a necessity to keep it healthy and happy. Solot believes that when a couple gets married things change. In “For Better, For Worse”, Stephanie Coontz expresses that marriage is not what is traditional in society because it has changed and is no longer considered as a dictator for people’s lives. The differences between these two essays are the author’s writing style and ideas.
Dating back to the early 1900’s and all the way through to the present, romantic relationships have been viewed differently. From strict unwritten dating regulations to not having regulations at all, recent generations have become more liberated in making their own decisions. The progressing times have made us become a more accepting society and have caused a decrease in the strong practice of religion and class. Even though differences such as religion and class in relationships were more than an issue they were not always a complete deterrence.
Actually monogamy had developed long before religion became interested. According to Fisher’s estimate, nearly every human society has been monogamous to some degree (69), and she claims that human beings have a biologically natural preference for mo...
Many couples in the United States idealize the myth of a “tradition family”. The idea that a woman can spend quality time with her child while maintaining an effective sexual life with her partner seemed to have caused a lot of stress during the 1950s. Coontz’s says “this hybrid idea drove thousands of women to therapists, tranquilizers, or alcohol when they tried to live up to it.” (Coontz, 569). Which explains that it is merely impossible to try to mold a family to be “ideal.” Many families still strive for a traditional life, which they define as life “back in the day.” They need to forget the past and start living in the 21st century. “Two-thirds of respondents to one national poll said they wanted more traditional standards of family life.”(Coontz, 582). Which goes to show that many families want to change to what once used to be perceived as an “ideal family” but “the same percentage of people rejected the idea that women should return to their traditional role.”(Coontz, 582). Families want to take bits and pieces from what used to be “traditional families” over time and create their own i...
Have you ever considered cheating on your partner? Studies show that there is a 76% chance of either partner in a marriage committing infidelity (Ferrer 55). In light of the common occurrence of infidelity within monogamous relationships in our society, would it not be logical to consider the possibility that non-monogamous relationship dynamics might be appropriate for some individuals? The idea seems to be on people’s minds, since it has also been coming up in popular culture lately, in shows like “Big Love” and “Sister-Wives”, both of which focus on polygamy, the practice of being married to more than one person at a time. Additionally, there have been many articles written about polyamory, the practice of having more than one intimate relationship at one time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved, and non-monogamy recently. One such article is “Beyond Monogamy and Polyamory,” written by Jorge Ferrer, Ph.D., who is the Chair of the Dept. of East-West Psychology at the California Institute of Integral Studies, and was published in ReVision Journal. Ferrer’s goal in writing this article is to expose readers, mainly other scholars, to the possibility of non-monogamous relationships, and the concept of sympathetic joy. While I agree with much of what Ferrer is saying in his article, particularly his points about sympathetic joy, jealousy, genetics, and his responses to the arguments against polyamory, the fact that he overlooks the religions that do not support his theory, while using others to support his theory, weakens his argument.
When you think about family, what is the first thing that comes to mind? If you only thought about your parents or close relatives then you may have been caught in an “individual vs. family” paradox. Nearly every culture considers family important, but “many Americans have never even met all of their cousins” (Holmes & Holmes, 2002, p.19). We say we are family oriented, but not caring to meet all of our extended family seems to contradict that. Individual freedoms, accomplishments, and goals are all American ideals that push the idea of individualism. What's important to note is that family or even the concept of family itself doesn't appear in any of those ideals. Holmes and Holmes (2002), observed that “The family reunions of yesterday are now rare, and when they occur they are often a source of stress.” (p. 19) That quote solidifies one reason why family interaction today is : it's just too stressful, so we avoid it. Where does marriage fit into our culture of individuals? Marriage itself may be less of a family unifying event than a way for two individuals to obtain personal happiness; the climbing divorce rate alone seems to suggest the devaluation of commitment in a relationship. Likewise, the Holmes and Holmes (2002) state “marriage is in effect a continuation of courtship” (p. 19) In my opinion, I would have to agree with the authors on family and marriage, considering the above-stated facts and trends. If we, as a nation, can place the individual so far above our own relatives, are we not creating a future of selfishness?
Currently, by definition and tradition, we are living in an American society that sees itself as predominantly monogamous. However, this monogamous society has increasingly been filled with cheating, unfaithful, and overall promiscuous individual. As of today, 57% of American males and 54% of American females, admit to committing infidelity in any relationship they’ve (Glass) So what exactly happen to the ideology of monogamy in America? What has happen to the system of having only one partner at any specific time? Is monogamy really dying, or is it already six feet under in today’s society? Some may argue that America was never truly a monogamous society and thus monogamy isn’t dying but merely less represented. On the other hand, people argue that one can do as they please and if being in a non-monogamous relationship makes them happy, to each their own. My own view is that monogamy is facing a dying role in American culture. Non-monogamous practices have grown to become a visible part of today’s American society. This paper will look at why monogamy is important, the reason it’s dying and why it needs to be placed back in the spotlight.
Despite these notable numbers, polyamory remains misunderstood and much maligned. Largely due to our unwarranted and yet seemingly unwavering faith in the sanctity of monogamy, polygamists often feel tremendous pressure to hide their private lives, for fear of losing the respect of friends and family. By creating a stigma around having multiple partners, we as a society are committing nothing less than discrimination. Despite all of the arguments that its opponents have hurled against the lifestyle, p...
... generations, as they already recognize the importance in flexibility (White 2013). Monogamy, among other things, isn’t for everyone. As people are becoming more understanding of this, we can see that society is progressing towards a judgment-free attitude of acceptance regarding this personal choice.
Overall, we can see that 200 years later we are still attempting to escape from the gender line created through society’s image of men and women. Men and women still fail to communicate their feelings within their relationships, resulting in an overall unhealthy marriage. Today women and men attempt to challenge these gender stereotypes by taking on the roles of the opposite gender, but like in the “Yellow Wallpaper” are immediately met with “heavy opposition” and disapproval through the process. Although we may seem as though we are improving in escaping from the gendered stereotypes, the past will always be recurrent in a majority of relationships today if dominance within the relationship is not equally balance between both sexes.
The fairy tales say that once upon a time a girl met a boy; they fell in love, and lived happily ever after. Reality is not that simple. Long-term relationships force couples to get to know each other, involve themselves in each others’ worlds, fight through the hard times, and eventually develop deeper connections through distinctive stages of Knapp’s relationship model. Although I have dated the same person for over two years, the stages of our communication make it seem as though I am now dating a different person following dissolution and subsequent repair. However, even the most exhilarating of roller coaster rides develop through a combination of ups and downs, much like the stages of a relationship.
Many people claim college is where you’ll meet your future spouse because dating in high school is nonsense. It’s not surprising when you see a young couple break up because the guy/girl claims, “It’s not you it’s me”. The relationship rules theory believes friendship (primarily love) is held together by adherence to certain rules. When those rules are broken, relationships have a possibility of ending (DeVito 2015). There are many different types of relationships but my primary focus is on the romantic ones. I am a HDFS (Human Development and Family Science) major with a specialty in Marriage and Family Therapy. I enjoy evaluating the dynamic of relationships, which is why I chose to analyze one that I’m in currently. Romantic relations can
The United States has experienced constant heterosexual change in acceptable social behaviors that evoke sexual relations. These changes expanding from the past half-century, which includes drastic shifts in premarital attitudes and behaviors. Shift changes in heterosexual courtship are seen from 1950’s and early 1960’s, where the standard for sexual interactions was abstinence, and intercourse was only acceptable in marriage (Perlman & Sprecher, in press), to the 1970’s. Whereas, in the 1970’s there’s a witnessed shift to a more lenient social standard, ”permissiveness with affection,” where engaging in sexual behavior was acceptable as long as the partners were fully committed to each other (Perlman & Sprecher, in press; Sprecher 1989). Sexual standards within the 21st century first decade are p...
In the United States, marriage is a commitment two people make for the rest of their lives. The average American marriage lasts seven years. Well over half of all marriages end in divorce (Francouer, 72). Statistics in the infidelity have rose fifty percent since the 1970s and is rising all the time. The divorce count in this country is now up to one out of every three-marriage end in divorce. Serial polygamy is a common lifestyle for those who are divorced and then become remarried. The relationship between a husband and wife should be sacred and trustworthy. Without the trust and honesty there is no marriage. Monogamy is the loving, sharing, and devoting one's self to another person for the rest of their life. Monogamy should be the most important aspect in a marriage.