Should we consider non-monogamy?

Have you ever considered cheating on your partner? Studies show that there is a 76% chance of either partner in a marriage committing infidelity (Ferrer 55). In light of the common occurrence of infidelity within monogamous relationships in our society, would it not be logical to consider the possibility that non-monogamous relationship dynamics might be appropriate for some individuals? The idea seems to be on people’s minds, since it has also been coming up in popular culture lately, in shows like “Big Love” and “Sister-Wives”, both of which focus on polygamy, the practice of being married to more than one person at a time. Additionally, there have been many articles written about polyamory, the practice of having more than one intimate relationship at one time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved, and non-monogamy recently. One such article is “Beyond Monogamy and Polyamory,” written by Jorge Ferrer, Ph.D., who is the Chair of the Dept. of East-West Psychology at the California Institute of Integral Studies, and was published in ReVision Journal. Ferrer’s goal in writing this article is to expose readers, mainly other scholars, to the possibility of non-monogamous relationships, and the concept of sympathetic joy. While I agree with much of what Ferrer is saying in his article, particularly his points about sympathetic joy, jealousy, genetics, and his responses to the arguments against polyamory, the fact that he overlooks the religions that do not support his theory, while using others to support his theory, weakens his argument.

Ferrer first discusses the concepts of sympathetic joy, jealousy, and genetics as they relate to intimate relationships. He then goes on to discuss the common arguments against pol...

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...There again, he fails to completely address the issue of religion.

In closing, while Ferrer has presented a well thought-out article that has achieved its goal, at least in my case, of opening the reader’s mind to other relationship styles, he does overlook a few areas. Our society is always changing and along with that the way we form relationships. Divorce and inter-racial marriage has become fairly common-place and acceptable, while same-sex marriages are slowly working toward that goal. This shows that people prefer to do what they feel is best for them, and makes them happy, rather then what societal pressures makes them feel they should do. By doing what makes us happy, and what we feel is right, we slowly change societal opinion. You can not please everyone, so you may as well please those that are important to you, as long as you do not harm to others.