Many people claim college is where you’ll meet your future spouse because dating in high school is nonsense. It’s not surprising when you see a young couple break up because the guy/girl claims, “It’s not you it’s me”. The relationship rules theory believes friendship (primarily love) is held together by adherence to certain rules. When those rules are broken, relationships have a possibility of ending (DeVito 2015). There are many different types of relationships but my primary focus is on the romantic ones. I am a HDFS (Human Development and Family Science) major with a specialty in Marriage and Family Therapy. I enjoy evaluating the dynamic of relationships, which is why I chose to analyze one that I’m in currently. Romantic relations can …show more content…
be one of the most fun relationships to experience as a young person, especially while in college. I looked at the rules we have created to make long distance stable. I will explain how the rules drive us to be honest, very open, and liked-minded with our beliefs and values. Although rules can be useful and essential, romantic rules are slightly different. Leslie Baxter created eight important rules for a healthy romantic relationship such as the following: acknowledge each other’s identities and realize each of you has other things to do in life; share your commonalities in attitude, beliefs, values, and interest; enhance the value and self-esteem of each other; be open and honest; be faithful; spend quality time together; obtain rewards that are proportional to the effort expended, and lastly experience a “magic” in each other. My boyfriend and I have known each other over a year now, but have only dated for nine months. From the day we met over a year ago we have spoken everyday. We also were neighbors, and still to this day our families’ remain that way, so we were able to spend a lot of time together. Before we entered the relationship we had an open friendship, we talked about anything and everything. We could have conversations about school, family, friends, sports, or about our day. That openness carried to the relationship. The way two people are before a relationship is important because in a way, it foreshadows how the relationship might continue. For example, in one of my classes a speaker talked about her domestic violence encounter. She said how before the relationship she perceived him as creepy, arrogant, but surprisingly handsome. For some reason and somehow, they ended up dating. She realized at the end of the relationship that he was a master manipulator, and her idea of him carried into their relationship. Like the speaker, I too had a preconceived notion about my boyfriend; how I viewed him also continued into the relationship. Unlike the speaker, my experience luckily has been positive. One of the most important rules to me is be open and honest.
We attend different colleges, I chose OSU and he chose KU; it is obvious that we aren’t going to be around each other. Being apart causes you to have to be more honest. For example, one day I took a Biology test on which I felt I did terribly. That night when we facetimed I was upset and not in the mood to talk. I had to explain to him, “I’m not in a good mood; I’m upset about my grade and I can’t focus on our conversation.” That is a small example of how important it is to be honest, because if I hadn’t spoken up he would’ve assumed I was upset with …show more content…
him. I’m not by nature an open person when it comes to expressing my feelings. If I’m not close to someone talking to them about myself or how I’m feeling is awkward. Being open has been the biggest challenge for me because, when you don’t see each other everyday, you can’t show a person how much you care and appreciate them. You have to tell the person how you feel. For example, most people are against long distance relationship including him; I knew going to separate colleges would test our relationship, but it was something I was willing to try. Before he started school I sent him a care package with various snacks and a card saying how I was proud, appreciative, and missed him. Doing a gesture like that goes a long way. Being four and a half hours away isn’t something that we are comfortable with; however when I am open and vocal about my appreciation it reminds us that at this stage in our life education comes first. Our relationship motivates us to keep persevering through distance, yet focus on our personal goals such as getting through college. Referring back to what Baxter says, both people have to realize that the other has a personal life outside the relationship. One of the eight major rules Baxter stated expressing similarities in attitudes, beliefs, values, and interests are by far very crucial. In college there are a lot of distractions and various types of people. I noticed, and we have established, that our values, the way we carry ourselves, beliefs etc. are the same. On the contrary, I have learned if you aren’t strong in what you believe you will fall for anything. For example, my boyfriend has a roommate who enjoys partying, smoking, and drinking. Both of us do neither. As a result of our like-mindedness and strong-willed personalities, other people we have come across that we such as the roommate don’t impact us individually or as a pair. Another example of our like-mindedness is we have decided to try to find similar religious organizations in which we could participate.
We have the same religious beliefs and that has influenced how we treat each other, our relationship, ourselves, and other people. We carry ourselves the same way because our core values are the same. Being apart and only getting to see each other every couple weeks has caused us to rely and focus on whom the person is and not just what they can do for the other. The distance has caused us to appreciate the personal similarities in attitudes, beliefs, values, and interests because it’s something rare to find.
The main idea of the relationship theory is to help a person to identify a healthy versus unhealthy relationship. Rules often provide structure, which also holds the two accountable to each other. For example, if two people break up they could reflect on where they went wrong. They could also see if certain rules they placed on their relationship were broken. If there are rules, there is a better understanding between people whether it is a relationship or friendship. When there is a clear understanding, there is a stronger growth in relationship
development. Whether you are in a romantic, family, or friendship relationship all these points can apply. Huff Post published an article saying the people with whom you surround yourself will somehow influence you. Everyone has heard the saying, “Your friends are a reflection of you”. Having some type of close relationship is important for our physical and emotional health; it reminds us that someone cares, and that we are loved (Rokach, 1998; Rokach & Brock, 1995). Relationships are exciting: new friendships, new babies that are born into the family, new romantic relationship, and even new marriages. I’m thankful for the friendships, family relationships, and romantic relationship I have, because the previous ones have taught me characteristics that I apply currently. Distance has been negative but positive, we continue to be honest, very open, and like-minded. Those are three things that I realized are the core of who we are personally, yet what we want in someone else. I am a HDFS major with a specialty in Marriage and Family Therapy, I love ‘love’; the idea of it, the dynamic, and everything about it; my major vouches for it. One day everyone should a closeness with others, like the idiom most of us have heard, “Two is better than one”.
Once they can objectively see the pattern and how it repeats itself over time, they are in a position to see their own contribution to it” (pg. 36). An individual can only change their own relationship pattern. If one individual in the relationship tries to make a positive change to their relationship pattern it is more than likely that the other partner will follow in their footsteps (Gilbert, 1992). While reading this chapter on relationship patterns I began to notice similarities with some of my own relationships. It was awesome to see how these patterns come about and how to improve them. One of the second concepts discussed in the chapters was the emotions in relationships. One factor that stood out to me was how vital and crucial emotions are to human life. Gilbert (1992) believes that “Emotions are important to all life, firing the strong, quick reactions necessary to survive the dangers of existence” (pg. 38). Emotions can also be described as patterns that are created early on. In relationships emotions are one of the crucial parts of a relationship, but they can also lead to be part of the most difficult parts of a relationship. Gilbert (1992) states “While they are necessary, desirable, and pleasurable, feelings and emotions also lead to most of the
Dating back to the early 1900’s and all the way through to the present, romantic relationships have been viewed differently. From strict unwritten dating regulations to not having regulations at all, recent generations have become more liberated in making their own decisions. The progressing times have made us become a more accepting society and have caused a decrease in the strong practice of religion and class. Even though differences such as religion and class in relationships were more than an issue they were not always a complete deterrence.
Fairy tales tell us that once upon a time a girl met a boy; they fell in love, and lived happily ever after. Reality is not that simple. Long-term relationships force couples to get to know each other, involve themselves in each others’ worlds, fight through the hard times, and eventually develop deeper connections as noted through distinctive stages of Knapp’s relationship model. Although I have dated the same person for over two years, our communication through relationship stages makes it seem as though I am now dating a different person than the one I met years ago. Following dissolution and subsequent repair, I realize the most exhilarating of roller coaster rides develop through sets of ups and downs, much like the stages on how our relationship is built.
Understanding the different relationship theories along with the six stage model of relationships, we learn the concept of how to communicate in relationships. When and why we go through relationship stages we learn how to deal with the relationships more effectively and understand ourselves and our attitudes toward
The first major topic the text brings forward in chapter 6 is the concept of relationship roadblocks. As the name implies these seven categories act as the downfalls to relationships. The concepts cover a wide range of types of problems from being tongue tied to giving up too much of your self to have a relationship. These concepts also happen at many different stages in relationship development however they primarily occur during the beginning or pre-relationship period.
These relationships help manage our emotions through constant interaction and provides an open line of communication whenever or wherever it may be needed. However, this poses a question; can humans survive without interpersonal relationships? According to the online scholarly article titled: “Interpersonal Relationships, Motivation, Engagement, and Achievement: Yields for Theory, Current Issues, and Educational Practice” we emphasize just how critical and essential the perks obtained through these relationships are. Through these relationships we “theorize the concepts of academic morality on the strong and healthy relationships students establish” (Martin, 2009). Through interactions and through the successful and unsuccessful relationships we develop throughout our lifetime, we accumulate
When I was younger my parents would read me fairy tales about the Disney princesses and how the man would rescue the woman, they would fall in love and live happily ever after. Obviously as I child I would think of love that way. I though you would meet a strong handsome man he would save you whenever you were in trouble, you fall in love marry, and live happily ever after. When I was in second and third grade the Cheetah girls movie came out and they were very popular. They had this song called Cinderella and the lyrics said “that fairy tale life wasn’t for me…I don’t want to be like Cinderella waiting for a guy to rescue me I rather rescue myself.” I remember singing that song when I was eight and nine and as I grew older I started to see
Relationships is one of those words that people use all the time but have troubling defining. There are many ways how we for relationships such as appearance, similarity, complementarily, and proximity with these formation it does help a relationship grow while it is a lesson to learn or not. In this paper, I will be talking about three people that I have a relationship with and a theory to combine it with. The first person will be my mother Grace Pagan and with her I will be talking about my Johari Window paper and the social exchange theory. The second person will be my ex fiancé Tony and with him I will be talking about my conflict paper and the Knapp theory. The last person will be my father Tito Pagan and with him I will be talking about
The theme of personal relationship is broad and complex and from the two attributes it derives its power and meaning. The close connection between people emanates from bonds and interactions that grow gradually and develop to mutual experiences. However, they are not absolutely static. They keep changing with change of behavior, the situation at hand and eventually evolve. Personal relationships are highly dynamic, and for people to enjoy the benefits, they must be ready to make sacrifices, employ a few skills to keep the fire burning, gather information, practice to do what a particular relationship demands and get social support if needed.
For example, if you know the romantic rules of the relationship rules theory then you should have a better awareness of what to do and what not to do in order to make a relationship work. Although you do have to know that there is a difference in romantic rules, as well as in other relationship theories, from one culture to the next. With the relationship dialects theory, it is imperative to know the opposing motives or desires within an interpersonal relationship. Autonomy and connection are an example of one of the three opposing motives; you can wish to still be an independent person while also wanting to connect closely to another person and grow the relationship. People often worry that they will lose their identity if they become too involved with their partner. If you understand the relationship dialects theory, then you will be able to deal with these issues through the ways it
Human beings as social animals thrive and prosper on social interactions with fellow beings. Growth and development of an individual’s personality depends largely on his/her relationships with significant others. Human relationships are indeed known for their warmth, comfort, security, nurture and emotions. Relationship has many dimensions and facets and it keeps on changing with the pace of ongoing evolution of human society. Certainly, it is relationship which fabricates society on this earth and it has been shifting from most common to complex since the immemorial time. The term 'relationship' can refer to the idiosyncratic modes of interacting of specific individuals, or to generalised patterns of behaviour, as in 'the mother- infant relationship'. In either case the characteristics of the relationship include those of the interactions involved, that is the content of the interactions and their qualities. It is because particular types of interaction tend to be associated together; that relationships can be named according to the types of interaction they characteristically contain (Simpson,
Satisfaction is important within individual well-being, but also in many other areas including college romantic relationships. College students are going through a lot within these years, therefore, if they are in a relationship, long or not, satisfaction is necessary. In a long distance relationship scholars have predicted that “lower satisfaction predicted LDR breakups, whereas satisfaction was related to reliable alliance, which is similar to commitment (Pistole, C., Roberts, A., & Mosko, J. 2010). This research emphasized that satisfaction levels lead to breakups in a long distance relationship, not stating anything about a normal relationship that is geographically close; this leads to the idea of how geographic location is a primary factor in satisfaction levels. Continuing, when conflicts do arise, the conflict resolution regarding satisfaction focuses on, “frequency of mediated communication” (Brody, 2013). With mediated communication, the individuals in the relationship can become much more satisfied than they were before, therefore, resolving their
Are relationships in high school truly worth the potential heartache? Answers to this question vary, ranging from the enthusiastic “yes!” to the skeptical view of which cutting off one’s own third toe makes more sense to indifference. Yet, how can the value of a relationship be determined when the tumult of everyday teenage life may result in the potential loss or gain of a new relationship every week? One view may be relationships teenagers enter into are valuable practice for later in life, teaching those which engage in them how to interact with members of the opposite sex in a way which leads to marriage or family. Others, however, state the truism being a significantly low percentage of high school romances result in marriage. Although some may say the benefits outweigh the risks, relationships in high school are not feasible for many and may not be worth the effort put into them.
Romantic relationships are steadily evolving over the years, as college students tend to have various perspectives on the topic and share different values on its importance in their lives. There was an observation done of college women in the late 1970s and early 1980s in correlation to being in romantic relationships. Studies found that the peer culture established an ethos for women that emphasized romantic relationships with men as a major route of self-worth and prestige (Gilmartin, 2005). As studies show, being in romantic relationships has had a high value and priority since the late 70s and early 80s for women. Being perceived as (hetero) sexually attractive and having a “high status boyfriend elevated a young woman’s standing among her classmates, which means that schoolwork and friendship were pushed to the side (Gilmartin, 2005). This statement alone gives rise to the need to conduct a study on this issue as this article proves that there indeed may be a correlation between being in a relationship and academic performance. Due to woman having less of a concern on their course load, they are at a disadvantage for being given the opportunity to develop the necessary knowledge needed to propel them to their optimal professional advancement (Gilmartin, 2005). Previous findings have indicated that single men and women experience higher levels of mental instability, such as depression, anxiety, mood disorders, adjustment problems, and other forms of psychological distress (Braithwaite, S. R., Delevi, R., & Fincham, F. D., 2010).
When we hear the word “relationship”, we think of trust and loyalty. And most importantly, connection. When we have a positive relationship with someone, it helps us become healthier, happier, and more satisfied with ourselves. When we have a negative relationship with someone, it brings down our inner self such as our emotions and perspective in life. Having a relationship with someone can have a big impact in our life, whether it’s good or bad. I’ve experienced both. Most importantly, the good relationships I’ve had with others shape who I am today, and those people are my family and friends.