The Problem of Marital Drift and the Goal of Reconciliation Marital drift can occur in any marriage relationship, regardless of culture, status, religious beliefs and practices, or lifestyle. Various factors can contribute to marital drift. Individuals and couples face many demands upon their time, energy, and attention. In their research, King and DeLongis (2014) report that the marriage relationship involves a variety complex interactions, all of which are influenced by a variety of stress and coping processes. These interactions (or lack thereof), constraints, and stressors can cause a drift to occur, separating the couple from each other emotionally, sexually, and physically. If not tended to, a marital drift can ultimately end in divorce. …show more content…
Driscoll and Driscoll (2012) explain that stonewalling occurs out of an individual’s own selfishness, citing that the world around couples actually encourages the individual to care for their self and neglect the marriage relationship, pursuing independence and convenience, leading to isolation, and ultimately “using people rather than loving them.” (p. 27). Stonewalling leads to separate lives, rather than shared lives. The couple may live parallel, but they are not united as one. When facing drift, a couple may have separate social circles, separate spiritual pursuits, and separate finances. Couples in this state may even cease in sharing a bed, even sleeping in separate bedrooms. (Driscoll and Driscoll, …show more content…
Clinton and Sibcy (2006) point to a recurring pattern within a marriage suffering from disconnect, and that is the pattern of pursuing and withdrawing. When a couple is in a cycle of hurt, one spouse will react to the disconnect or drift by pursuing the other partner. The pursued partner reacts by withdrawing. This pattern continues the hurt, causes the cyclical pattern of one partner pursuing and the other partner withdrawing. Neither spouse can connect with the other and each struggle with understanding where the other is coming from. As the drift progresses in the marriage, Balswick and Balswick (2014) note that “over a period of time, the wife’s verbal expression of love will diminish. Many a wife begins marriage with expansive declarations of love for her husband, but without reciprocal expression, she will express her feelings less frequently.” (p.
In this era we live in, we are brought up to think divorce is bound to happen. According to The American Psychological Association, “about 40 to 50 percent of married couples in the United States divorce” and “the divorce rate for subsequent marriages is even higher.” Many adults decide that it is less messy to just live with one another rather than actually get married. This is beginning to drive the rates of marriage down. Many have speculated that relationships will continue to evolve, especially if the human lifespan continues expand. Fiction writers such as Drew Magary and real world scientists such as Aubrey de Grey have explored this very topic of relationships.
The relationship between the husband and wife seems initially to be perfect. They both show each other expressions of love. There is understanding, harmony, financial security, and good communication between them. The couple spends a lot of time together, discussing future plans, and talking about the good moments they had in the past. However, behind all of this positive interaction between the two of them is something they are both not able
Doctor Dobson first looks at the reactions of a spouse when they find out that their marriage is beginning to slip away because their mate is involved in an affair. Across the board in all the cases he has studied or personally
No one expects to divorce when they get married but nearly half of all marriages will end in divorce or separation. Divorce can be costly, with court fees and attorneys. Dr. Doherty, noted marriage scholar and therapist has determined a list of risk factors that are attributed to marital problems and divorce. The first three: Young age, less education and less income are coincidently other topics brushed upon in this paper. Impulsive decisions made by younger people to marry leads to children which leads to financial instability. Once a couple has children, they are unlikely to further their education because of lack of time. Divorce also has a negative effect on
In the book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (1999) John M. Gottman provides insight on the seven fundamental tools to construct positive relationships. Through long years of research, Gottman studied married couples and noted degenerative behaviors that hindered the formation and attainment of a long and healthy marriage. Gottman research focused on several key behavioral predictors of divorce, which he calls the “The Four Horsemen”; Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling.
Marriage is a commitment that seems to be getting harder to keep. The social standards placed on an individual by society and influenced by the media inevitably lead some to consider divorce as a “quick-fix” option. “Have it your way” has become a motto in the United States. It has become a country without any consideration of the psychological effects of marriage and divorce. The overwhelmingly high divorce rate is caused by a lack of moral beliefs and marital expectations.
Most studies in marital conflict pertain to three particular dimensions of communication. The first dimension is affect which refers to messages that express positive or negative feelings about another person, such as supportiveness, hostility, confirmation, coercion, sarcasm, or global positiveness or negativeness (e.g., Gottman, 1979 and Sillars and Wilmot, 1994). The second dimension to characterize conflict behaviors is whether they are constructive or destructive for the parties’ relationship. Research in the United States indicates that exiting from the relationship and neglecting the partner are destructive problem-solving responses and are more powerfully predictive of couple distress than giving voice to problems and being passive loyal (e.g., Rusbult, Johnson, & Morrow, 1986). The third dimension to characterize conflict management is engagement versus avoidance (e.g., Hocker and Wilmot, 1991 and Sillars and Wilmot, 1994). Engagement is reflected in direct, overt verbal confrontation of conflict issues, while conflict avoidance is reflected in withdrawal and aversion to dealing directly with conflict issues (Canary, Cupach, & Messman, 1995) and includes circumscribed, irrelevant, or ambiguous communication. Since the purpose of this study is to examine the effect of culture on marital conflict strategies and marital satisfaction, the discussion will be limited to the third dimension of marital conflict, engagement–avoidance, along with Rahim's styles of conflict.
Every year approximately 2.4 million marriages occur.Out of those,2.1 millionwill file for divorce in the United States. These marriage and divorce rates have significantly increased since the years past(Coltrane and Adams, 364).According to Schoen, in the 1950’s, 15 out of 1,000 marriages ended in divorce.In the 1970’s, the rates of divorcedoubled,increasing to 40 per 1,000 marriages. Currently, the rate of marriages resulting in divorce remains the same. Most marriages are ending within seven years ofthemarriage for multiple different reasons. Sociologists haveestablisheddivorce as a social problem from the rise in divorcerates due to the early year of marriages (2006).
Lavner, J. A., & Bradbury, T. N. (2012). Why do even satisfied newlyweds eventually go on to divorce?. Journal Of Family Psychology, 26(1), 1-10. doi:10.1037/a0025966
Marriage is a very joyful event in a person’s life. However, unless much can be done in order to redefine the status of what marriage is all about, divorce and other marital problems will continue to arise tremendously. Divorce is tumultuous event in a married couple’s life. It does not only affect the financial status of the household, but rather it also affects the people that comprises the family especially the children. Families are experiencing many problems today, but the role of divorce in this picture has been frequently overlooked because its destructive effects have been subtle, yet insidious. When the divorce rate increased in the 1960s, few would have predicted its dire consequences three decades later. Yet divorce has changed both the structure and the impact of the family. Intimacy, time, effort trust and love is the key to have a peaceful and healthy relationship. Marriage for life is God's ideal, but divorce is a reality in our society.
In LDRs, relational dialectics contribute to the future or demise of an existing or developing relationship. To some, the benefit of living apart from their partner allows the individual to establish autonomy within the relationship while allowing a connection to their partner through communication. However, additional effort may be required to guarantee assurances to the partner who desires more security and closeness. Moreover, couples in LDRs have the freedom to attain privacy while also providing open communication when required by the situation. Therefore, it is pertinent to identify these trends in relational dialectics through four studies examining LDRs.
In addition to the investment model, Rusbult (1991) proposed the concept of accommodation process to help explain conflict resolution in relationships. Accommodation processes refer to the tendency of an individual to respond to her or his partner’s destructive actions with a constructive action. Rusbult (1991) described four distinct accommodation processes: exit, voice, neglect, and loyalty behaviors. The four behaviors can be classified as either constructive or destructive and as passive or active. Exit behaviors actively aim to end the relationship by performing actions that signify intent to leave the relationship (e.g., storming out of a room during an argument). Neglect behaviors refer to passive avoidance of the partner or issues regarding the partner, such as an individual not acknowledging her or his partner’s feelings as a result of anger. Both types of behaviors damage the relationship, and are therefore classified as destructive. Contrastingly, the constructive behaviors of voice and loyalty work to benefit the retention of the relationship. Voice behaviors encompass active, positive communication in response to destructive behavior from the partner (e.g., consoling an angered partner). Loyalty is categorized as a passive behavior in which the individual remains hopeful that the condition of her or his relationship will improve. Although exhibiting constructive behavior may benefit the relationship, lack of destructive behavior appears to be more consequential than the presence of constructive behaviors (Rusbult, Verette, Whitney, Slovik, & Lipkus, 1991).
The first significant cause for divorce is lack of communication. In a marriage, the lack of communication represents a major issue and can hinder the relationship badly. When couples are unable to communicate effectively their feeling or needs, they have become distant to each other emotionally and physically. Some couples do not create time to talk to one another. When a problem starts, which can soon become a bigger issue when ignored. When couples are unable to resol...
When there is a lack of communication, relationships seem to fall apart. So for that matter, two people who were suppose to be partner, eventually end up going to court for to get legally separated. After all, when there is little to no communication or any other type of emotional connection, divorce seems to be the only way to resolve the problem. “Many couples marry because they share similar beliefs, but as time changes so do people.” (Odinity.com). Another problem that led to lack of communication is that everyone is so busy working; they don’t feel they need to talk to their husband or wife. Some couples are often quiet even when they have problems with each other, but decided to not deal with it instead. As a consequence, little problems will begin to expand to become bigger problems, resulting in divorce. This does not happen in a happy marriage because the partners in a healthy relationship seem to have a more open way of talking with each other. They discuss everything to be sure that they are on the same page, so to speak. Divorce is commonly done because of this lack of being able to talk openly to each other, and express their feelings and emotions. Nevertheless, this is not the main problem as to why people are getting divorce. As the economy grows, so does the human’s intellectual. Couple therapy is a very popular solution to most marriages problem nowadays. If people feel like their marriage is at risk, many chooses the option of going to couple therapy. It not only is effective, many stated that it is satisfying. “Over 98 percent of those surveyed reported that they received good or excellent couples therapy, and over 97 percent of those surveyed said they got the help they needed.”
Cause and Effect Essay – The Causes of Divorce. From the past to present, people all over the world have determined to live together, which is called “get married” in another word, so that they depend on each other for living. Nevertheless, some couples are unable to maintain their relationship; therefore they choose divorce, which is one of the solutions to cope with problems between husband and wife. Furthermore, most people think carefully before they get married.