I Love Monologue

As I type this, part of me is fighting, screaming to stop, but the other half won’t let you go. I push you so far back in my mind, as you know and have had the displeasure of experiencing, I’m good at compartmentalizing. Not you Sarah, you surface constantly, be it anger or joy, your still there. If you're reading this then it's going two ways now, you’re either offended by my comments, or you're amused by the fact that you still haunt me. I would imagine that no matter the outcome if I were standing in front of you and asked, amused, would be the emotion portrayed. It will retain the idea of power as if you're enjoying some kind of control on me.

This morning I woke up from a dream involving you that caused me to jump up and panic not knowing where I was. I won’t go into detail but what woke me was how real it all

Four years now and you're scaring the shit out of me in my dreams, so I sit here with the idea of contacting you rolling around in my mind. Do I keep this to myself and just write this and never send it, or do I send this? I’m not naive to what will happen, I also understand that you like to think I’m stringing you along or I do this to open the wound. I wonder if that is your motive sometimes? You send me a random text, call, and make sure I know you did if I don’t respond. I’m not the victim by any means, I engage with you fully understanding what I’m doing. Last time we spoke you made it obvious what you wanted from me, to get laid. Look Sarah call me a bitch if you like, but that is what I felt. You gave into some of what I said, but I felt as if you were the jock saying “yeah baby you’re right, you’re right I was wrong can we just get together and fuck, it will all be ok” You know as much as I do, I wanted you. I wanted to drive to Savannah that instance and have my way with you. As much as I love you sexually though, my emotions