Humorous Wedding Roast by a Fellow Gambler

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Humorous Wedding Speech by a Fellow Gambler

Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Josh and following the time-honored tradition, I will now do my best to give Roy the most uncomfortable five minutes of his life. For the record, the most uncomfortable five minutes of Joyce's life will be later on this evening, courtesy of Roy.

Roy and I became acquainted many years ago, when we had three encounters in one week. I first saw him when he was placing a bet at the Horse Racing track. Then he appeared again at my local pub. And then, unbelievably, he appeared yet again - this time at poker night. It was at this moment that I realized someone very special had entered my life. Yes, I had a stalker! Or as his clothes suggested… a gay stalker!

This aside, we soon became friends and being a betting man myself I was immediately impressed by his outstanding knowledge of horse racing. He can name any trainer, jockey or horse which finished 4th or worse in any race in the last five years. But apparently, in the run up to the wedding, Roy’s form at the races has vastly improved and he’s been doing better than he’s ever done before. That’s right, Joyce hasn’t been letting him go.

On the subject of betting I have a bit of an issue to raise. It came to my attention earlier that Roy is running a book on the length of the best man's speech. I am sure you will all be glad to know that I got wind of this and, not being known to Roy at the time, I put a tenner on myself to last an hour at the bargain odds of 500-1. So I suggest you top up your glasses and make yourselves comfortable - but do let me know if Roy tries to slip out.

Attending university was definitely the best decision Roy ever made. Because he didn’t just meet me, he also met Joyce – who looks absolutely stunning today. October 1993, Roy Solomon, a county swimmer and keen football player, meets Joyce Reeves. And eight years later, Roy hasn’t so much as looked at a swimming pool and doesn’t play football anymore. But all is not lost, I understand he still has a good breaststroke, doesn’t have any problems with his ball control and can certainly use his head, even if he is a bit clumsy around the box.

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