Financial Aid Cause And Effect

To whom may concern

I had used financial aid as tuition to take classes at Seattle Central Community College in winter 2011, instead of taking classes at the University of Washington. But not only the event that I had 11credit breaches the term of financial aid, but the fundamental and unconscious issue in self-esteem initiated disparity between sense of responsibility and fear from a young age. Maybe, this theory interpreted too much based on assumptions and not scientific methods to prove the cause and effect. However, unconsciously I was afraid of abundance from my family and friend. Lower self-esteem in experience of divorced parent relationship, which might develop into twisted perspective on love and forgiveness during the early age fear slowly developed into the fear that no one would love me.

Misperceived the concept of love generated new idea that only success is able to bring love.

This created a delicate and fragile mentality, not to seek truth and problem inside of myself, but to search the core problem outside, when facing failure. Finally, this causes terrible cycle, repeating classes and failure in order to match into my unrealistic and unknown expectation, which approaches to stability, security and love. Therefore, my attitude and mentality was not ready to grant this aid at the university; not specific desire to learn from passion, not ready to ask for help outside, because of my vain ego and naive optimistic. But, now I have desired to learn subjects and to seek more curiosity. Loving myself and accomplishment and dreaming in faith will resolve my inner problem and potentiate self-esteem slowly, but firmly. Also, at the same time, theoretical methods demonstrate to break this crummy consequence and to prevent failure from the

past.
The first thing is asking for help from anyone and anywhere. I had never asked for help while attending at the University of Washington. But, always tried to read textbooks and assumed the answer. For 2 years at Highline Community College, I tried to fix my troublesome behavior and attitude toward questions without assuming and ignoring the question in class. And positive progress in the practice has represented an alternative solution to raise grades in general.
Second one is prioritizing plans in the order of importance. Of course, focusing on earning degree rather than any others takes the priority in limited time and energy. Therefore, I will cut down working hours to 8hr per week or lower, so that avoids the tiredness and stress from work.
Third one is regular self-check during quarters. I will keep watching over my grade and assignments in classes, and having consulted with TA and counselor occasionally. So that provides feedback and alarms potential danger.
Maybe, graduating from the University of Washington becomes an obsession from another perspective. But this is one of the enormous responsibilities that I want to restore from my past, at the same time, this is a ongoing challenge in my present. Please, give me a chance to have it out, so that enlightens the change in myself.
Thank you for reading my letter.
PS. I have attached another institution's transcript with this letter.