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Conflict between the different perspectives
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The primary objective of this research is to find out the differences between The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse and Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument in resolving conflict in couples’ relationships and the more effective model to overcome the conflict. A conflict arrises when two or more people perceive incompatible goals and values. There are common for couples to have conflicts and disagreements because every one of us hold different values and beliefs. Financial problem, jealousy, job or even a very simple things will lead to a conflict between a couples. We cannot prevent it unless we do not have perception and emotion. However, the styles we deal with the conflict will definitely affect our relationship with our partner. To protect our relationship, we have to know some conflict resolution skills. If the right skill is used will help a lot in maintaining the relationship between a couple. Analysis of previous research found that The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse help many people and couples to identified and resolve their problem and it is well known in couples therapy. This approach is useful to describe the communication patterns between the couples and predict the problems of the relationship. Besides, research also showed that understand your style to deal with conflict is also effective. Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument can help you to identify the style you deal with conflict and it has been a leader in conflict resolution assessment for more than 30 years. This approach can help you to know how to create a solution when you argue with your partner by understanding your conflict-handling style.
The four horsemen of apocalypse(TFH) model is developed by Dr. John Gottman of University of Washington. H...
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...CPP Author Insights-Celebrating 40 Years with TKI Assessment: A Summary of My Favourite Insights. MBTI Trust, Inc.
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Sandra J. Bailey, Ph.D. , CFLE, Family and Human Development Specialist. (2009). Couple Relationships: Communication and Conflict Resolution. Retrieved July 4, 2011 from http://www.msuextension.org/publications/HomeHealthandFamily/MT200917HR.pdf
Marlene & Bob Neufeld. (2010). Will Your Relationship Survive? Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Retrived from 3, July 2011 from www.marleneandbob.com/the4horsemen.pdf
DeVault, C., Cohen, T., & Strong, B. (2011). The marriage and family experience: Intimate relationships in a changing society. (11th ed., pgs. 400-426). Belmont, CA: Wadsworth cengage learning.
Szapocznik, J., Schwartz, S. J., Muir, J. A., & Brown, C. H. (2012). Brief strategic family therapy. Couple and Family Psychology: Research and Practice, 1(2), 134–145.
For this paper, we will be talking about relational communications and Goffman’s terms. The definition of relational communication is “communication processes in personal relationships such as romantic, family, and friendships. We assess the role of communication in developing, maintaining, and dissolving relationships, how communication impacts partners and their relationships, and how to improve relational quality or individual well-being through communication. Recent topics examined include conflict mediation, relational standards, relational uncertainty in dating relationships, and communication environments in families” (n.d.). As it has said, it is about the relationships in our life. Goffman also stated that there was a front and
Straus, M. A. (1987). The Conflict Tactics Scales and its critics: an evaluation and new data on validity and reliability.
Gottman (1999) conveys that the integration of active listening and conflict resolution techniques is not sufficient to safeguard marriages from a probable divorce. Due to that couples who develop throughout the years a high level of
Conflicts within relationships are inevitable and some conflict can help strengthen a relationship; however, in marriages and families, many people fail to work through their conflict, which results in unhealthy patterns of behavior. Over time, if left unresolved, these patterns of behavior can lead to a breaking of the relationship. Furthermore, most people do not set out seeking conflict within relationships, but rather they lack the emotional maturity to move through conflict. In fact, it is not the differences between the two parties that create the conflict, but rather the emotional reaction to their differences. Therefore, an intervention is required to begin the healing process of working through conflict. Often a pastor or counselor
In the first chapter of her book, You Just Don't Understand, Men and Women in Conversation, Deborah Tannen quotes, "...studies have shown that married couples that live together spend less than half an hour a week talking to each other...". (24) This book is a wonderful tool for couples to use for help in understanding each other. The two things it stresses most is to listen, and to make yourself heard. This book opened my eyes to the relationship I am in now, with a wonderful person, for about four years. It made me realize that most of our little squabble-like fights could have been avoided, if one or the other of us could sit down and shut up for a minute to listen. Most of our fights had erupted from a misunderstanding or miscommunication on either of our parts, and we're only dating! I can only imagine the conflict two partners would have in a marriage with children. This book outlined a lot of couples' problems, where they may have started, and how to circumvent them. After starting to read this book, I realized to do a book report on the entire book would be very difficult, so I chose situations that most related to me to report on.
Pruitt, Dean G, and Sung Hee Kim. Social Conflict: Escalation, Stalemate, and Settlement. 3rd ed. 2004. New York: McGraw-Hill Higher Education, 2004.
Abigail, R. A., & Cahn, D. D. (2011). Managing conflict through communication. 4th Ed. Boston: Allyn and Bacon.
" Family Relations 52.4 (2003): 363-72. Print. Hanson, Richard R. "Optimizing Marital Success: The Conscious Couple Uniting Process. "
Steve A. Beebe, S. J. (2008). Interpersonal Communication. In A. a. Pearson, Interpersonal Communication, Relating To Others- Fifth Edition. Toronto, Ontario: Pearson Education, Inc.
Thomas, K. W. (1992). Conflict and conflict management: Reflections and update. . Journal Of Organizational Behavior, 13(3), 265-274.
Before understanding how to deal with conflict, one must understand what conflict is. Conflict can be defined as, “any situation in which incompatible goals, cognitions, or emotions within or between individuals or groups lead to opposition or antagonistic interaction” (Learning Team Toolkit, 2004, pp 242-243). Does the idea of conflict always have to carry a negative connotation? The growth and development of society would be a great deal slower if people never challenged each other’s ideas. The Learning Team Toolkit discusses three different views of conflict: traditiona...
John Gottman in his book argues that “a lasting marriage results from a couple’s ability to resolve the conflicts that are inevitable in any relationship (p. 28)”. In his arguments, John explores the relationship between interpersonal communication and marital satisfaction. By doing so, he advances two hypotheses aimed at addressing problems within a relationship. The first hypothesis is that there is an existing private messaging system between couples, which enhances communication in a healthy marriage. The second hypothesis is a dissatisfied married couple exhibits skill deficit in communication between them.
According to McShane and Von Glinow, conflict is “a process in which one party perceives that his or her interests are being opposed or negatively affected by another party” (328). The Conflict Process Model begins with the different sources of conflict; these sources lead one or more parties to perceive that a conflict exists. These perceptions interact with emotions and manifest themselves in the behavior towards other parties. The arrows in the figure illustrate the series of conflict episodes that cycle into conflict escalation (McShane and Von Glinow 331-332).