Analysis on Forgiveness

In her Cosmopolitan article titled “Get Him to Forgive You,” author Debra Wallace states that there are four steps that a women has to take in order to gain her male significant other’s forgiveness after she has “messed up:”

1. “Give him room.” He needs time away from her to work things out in his head and cool off, even if that means “bro-ing out playing Buck Hunter at a bar” (Wallace, 2010, para. 2).

2. “Don’t out-argue him.” She shouldn’t “logically and convincingly prove” that she deserves forgiveness, because he needs “forgive [her] on [his] own terms” (Wallace, para. 3).

3. “Stroke his ego.” A compliment will both “make him feel good” as well as remind him that it’s “way better” when he isn’t mad at her, “and it can be as easy as laughing at his jokes” (Wallace, para. 4).

4. “Be tough on yourself.” She should essentially beat herself up and explain to him how she “was tortured about how she’d acted” (Wallace, para 5).

Wallace supports these steps with anecdotal quotes from men who, besides a first name and age, are unidentified, such as “Brad, 31.” The article itself doesn’t mention any of Wallace’s credentials, but she is listed in Power Media Bluebook as a contributing freelance writer for multiple lifestyle magazines whose interests include “celebrity profiles, film, tv [sic] and theater, heath, fitness, and family trends” (Mitchell, 2005, p. 76).

Kelley’s (1998) analysis of forgiveness explains that there are three ways that individuals forgive: directly, indirectly, and conditionally. Direct forgiveness, i.e. “I forgive you,” is most often employed within a direct discussion about the transgression at hand. Indirect forgiveness occurs when the forgiver acts in such a way that implies forgiveness without explicitly sta...

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... L., Andersen, P., & Afifi, W. (2011). Close encounters: Communication in relationships. (3 ed., pp. 322-330). Los Angeles: Sage Publications.

Kelley, D. (1998). The communication of forgiveness. Communication Studies,49(3), 255-271.

Merolla, A. (2008). Communicating forgiveness in friendships and dating relationships. Communication Studies, 59(2), 114-131.

Mitchell, D. (2005). Power media bluebook: With talk show guest directory. (15 ed.). Broadcast Interview Source, Inc. Retrieved from books.google.com/books?id=AQqnULQq6JUC

Sidelinger, R. J., Frisby, B. N., & McMullen, A. L. (2009). The decision to forgive: Sex, gender, and the likelihood to forgive partner transgressions. Communication Studies, 60(2), 164-179.

Wallace, D. (2010, April 19). Get him to forgive you. Cosmopolitan, Retrieved from www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/relationship-advice/get-him-to-forgive-you