Unhealthy Relationships In An-Mei Husu And Rose Hsu Jordan

Joy Luck Club Essay Rough Draft

Both An-mei Hsu and Rose Hsu Jordan have traits that contribute to their unhealthy relationship. An-mei seems to have developed a strong sense of crypticness and secrecy, while Rose is often unmoored and passive - which demonstrate how a strong mother can raise a weak daughter.

An-mei and Rose demonstrate a complex relationship, as An-mei sends cryptic messages to her daughter that she is unable to comprehend; therefore, Rose was not able to inherit the same strength of character that her mother did. This communication barrier creates a dynamic where An-mei struggles to get through to Rose and leads Rose to disregard her mother’s wisdom. As An-mei re-enters Rose’s life when she is nine, she begins to send

enigmatic messages to Rose in aspiration that she will obey her authority and stand up for herself, although An-mei quickly notices it is hard to emotionally get through to her daughter. While saying Rose’s final goodbye to An-mei following an opium overdose, Rose came to the realization that “When the poison broke into [An-mei’s] body, she whispered to [Rose] that she would rather kill her own weak spirit so she could give [Rose] a stronger one.”(240). Instances as cryptic as this have occurred prior in the novel as well, such as when An-mei confiscated and stomped on a necklace Second Wife had given her and a week later gives Rose a sapphire ring instead, in order to teach Rose how easy it was to lose herself to something false. Through evaluating the excerpt, it is unmistakable that by An-mei believed firmly until her death that by poisoning herself it would provide Rose with an opportunity to inherit the paramount attributes she could never previously possess. As opposed to other mother-daughter relationships within the novel, An-mei believed that in order to metamorphose into a strong woman the need for a healthy bond with Rose was necessary. Nonetheless, seeing that Rose did not recognize the value and significance of her mother’s messages she fostered a more unhealthy relationship with Rose, causing these qualities to not be passed on to Rose until after the passing of An-mei.

Due to those past miscommunications with An-mei, Rose conclusively became unmoored from her mother as she had to turn to others such as her psychiatrist and Ted for emotional support.

Due to this, it caused Rose to evolve into a weak daughter seeing that she is rendered incapable of mooring to anyone other than her psychiatrist as well as Ted. Due to the communication barriers between Rose and An-mei, Rose counsels a psychiatrist with her marital issues, building a strain on An-mei and Rose’s relationship as An-mei is unable to get through to her daughter. This becomes clarified when An-mei fears that “[Rose] doesn’t know. If she doesn’t speak, she is making a choice. If she doesn’t try, she can lose her chance forever. [An-mei] knows this, because [An-mei] was raised the Chinese way: taught to desire nothing, to swallow other people’s misery, to eat [her] own bitterness. And even though [she] taught [her] daughter the opposite, she still came out the same way!” (215). In addition to confiding in her psychiatrist, she additionally entrusts Ted with her struggles, despite their marriage disintegrating. Instances such as this can be displayed in a moment previous, where An-mei described Rose’s indecisiveness by stating that she is “without wood” (195). In saying so, it is described that Rose bends in more than one direction as she listens to too many people, and that she cannot take a stand for herself. As the simplest of decisions confused Rose, she believed that due to too many choices in the American way of living each decision meant a turn in a new direction. This trait ultimately contributed to an unhealthy dynamic between An-mei and Rose as it formed a larger divide between them when Rose failed to rely on An-mei for support. Hence, it caused An-mei to feel increasingly unsettled, since she felt as though Rose could not come to her for help; meanwhile, she felt comfortable telling a stranger.

From both of these traits, a more unhealthy dynamic is created as both of these go hand in hand in creating conflicting situations for An-mei and Rose.

An-Mei’s secretiveness surrounding her own past prevents her daughter, Rose, from understanding the source of her wisdom. Instead, Rose learns to defer to authority without asserting herself, which destroys her marriage and threatens her relationship with An-Mei.
Shortly following the reappearance of An-mei in Rose’s life, she begins to surround her former life with secrecy by withholding information about her past with Rose. Even though Rose did not have the opportunity to form a relationship with An-mei as a child when they did reencounter An-mei was very hesitant and secretive while revealing parts of her past without Rose. For instance, as Rose and An-mei drive back to their new home and Rose asks An-mei about her new life she retorts back with “sit still. Do not look so eager. We are only going home.” (223) Situations such as this can be shown later in the text as it is explained that “[An-mei] did not say anything else about the house, or the new family, or [her] happiness” (222); therefore proving that the withholding of information An-mei provides her child with assists in fostering her habit of being secretive while talking with Rose.
Through the quotes, it can be shown that An-mei hides part of her past, and does not feel like she has to openly share her past with her daughter, even though Rose is going with her to start a new life. Instead, when she arrives upon the house rose has not been fully informed about her new life as well as the people she will live with, therefore demonstrating An-mei’s secretiveness as she withheld information and her past activities with Rose. An-mei’s secretive tendencies contributed to an unhealthy bond she shared with Rose as it did not allow Rose to get to know her mother better, as the responses she received from An-mei did not reveal the whole truth.

Although An-mei’s secretiveness prevented a close bond between the pair, Rose’s passive nature blocked her from making her own decisions based off of the information she was given.

Rose demonstrates her passivity and lack of wood as she chooses not to take a stand for herself, even though in a few circumstances it is greatly necessary for her to do so.

Instead, she chooses to accept decisions others make for her, which encompasses her with no control over the life around her. An instance where this takes place is when Rose reveals to her mother that she is separating from her husband Ted, and explains to An-mei “don’t tell me to save my marriage anymore. It’s hard enough as it is”, to which she retorts “I am not telling you to save your marriage, I only say you should speak up”. (193) Moments such as these can also be depicted in a previous instance with An-mei, where Rose mentions that “[she] used to believe everything [her] mother said, even if she didn’t know what she meant” (185). Through these passages, it is apparent that Rose lacks wood, one out of five Chinese elements, and therefore making decisions for herself makes her confused. As she listens to too many people but is unable to take her mother’s advice, she steers clear of making her own decisions which ultimately build up to her marriage with Ted to crumble. Since Rose was a child, An-mei pushed strongly for Rose to try and fight her divorce with Ted and take control of the situation, however, Rose allows her marriage to end and does not take her advice into consideration. As Rose allows others to make choices on her behalf, she becomes passive to those around her, specifically to her mother An-mei. Rose’s passivity conclusively contributes to their unhealthy relationships as Rose does not learn how to stand up for herself and is unable to pick up on her mother’s assertive qualities. From both of these traits, it causes this dynamic to suffer as the passivity of Rose and secrecy of An-mei conflict, as Rose does not see the importance of listening to her mother as she is unaware of where those traits come

from.

Conclusion:

Considering An-mei and Rose had a hard time trying to connect, Rose demonstrated a lack of wood and relied on the help of others.