The Relationship between Love and Sex

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The Relationship between Love and Sex

There are some things that people go through life never examining or more clearly phrased, having never taken heed too; rather they except them as the here and now, "the norm", or never give them thought. And in the instances where they do think about them, are they doing so from the "correct perspective". In other words, people don't go through life, examining or even paying a second mind to the clothes they have on their skin, (maybe you feel them now, but you didn't realize the clothes touching your body surfaces, or how they felt, until I mentioned this). Well feeling clothes on your skin isn't exactly my point, but the point I am leading up to is that people go through life never paying attention to, or never understanding how, or if, the love style they express between their partnerships correlates with their sexual style.

This topic can be argued from many perspectives, such as from an evolutionary stance, a personal stance, and even from a psychological stance. For the sake of the piece, I will be discussing it from a psychological point of view. According to Kurt Frey, a former Yale University professor and his co-writer, Mahzad Hojjat, there is a definite relationship between the style of love versus the style of sex. Their argument is that even if the love is only needed to nurture a child conceived from a sexual encounter, there still is a need for some type of love. This isn't the focus of their view, rather a mere example of the necessity of love in correlation to sex.

According to Frey and Hojjat, six styles of love and three styles of sexuality. The love styles they discussed were, agape, which is a selfless style of love where partners are all-giving, ludus...

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...and number of partners factors were entered, which were mania, storge, and agape, were the relationships that consisted of a special intimacy shared by partners, and therefore, were probably the most satisfying. However, from and experiential point of view, I personally feel that in each relationship, all six of the love styles are present at some point in the relationship. For example, ludus, which is the non-commitment love style, is existent in the commencing of relationships, and mania becomes present as feelings increase and ludus decreases, and the overall strive is to get pass all of these to positively reach the eros style of love where passion as well as lust is present and stays to maintain an level of sexual attractability to partners involved in relationships. And after this stage of love is present, partner engagement style of sex will be attainable.

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