Picture your parents choosing the person you had to be married to. Many years
ago arranged marriages were a huge part of the African and Chinese culture. This
caused much tension between parents and their children. The practicing of arranged
marriages were lost over time. This caused parents to feel betrayed by their
children, when they married whom they desired. In the two stories “Marriage is a
Private Affair” and “Love Must Not Be Forgotten,” the main characters face
challenges’ involving their arranged marriages.
In “Marriage is a Private Affair,” Nnaemeka, the son of Okeke, falls in love with a
woman named Nene, who was not his suitor. (The person his father picked for him)
Okeke felt betrayed because of his son’s decision to marry Nene. Nnaemeka tried
explaining to his father all the qualities Nene had, but Okeke didn’t want to hear it.
Throughout the story Okeke refused to have a relationship with Nnaemeka because
of his decision to marry whom he wanted. Okeke described his son’s actions’ by
saying, “I will not be another Mrs. Ochuba. If my son wants to kill himself, let him do
it with his own hands. It is not for me to help him.” Because Nnaemeka did not have
communication with his father he sent his father a picture of his and Nene’s
wedding day picture. Okeke sent back a letter telling Nnaemeka how disrespectful it
was to send him a picture of himself and Nene together. He cut the picture in two
sending back the part with Nene on it.
The relationship between Okeke and his son was nonexistent for eight years.
Okeke did not change his mind about his son’s marriage. He still found it disgraceful,
though others were beginning to accept non-arranged marriages. One day Nene ...
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Okeke accepts that he was to harsh on his son’s decisions and regrets not getting to
be apart of his son’s life. Shanshan also grasps the meaning of love and what it
means to her. She decides to be single till she falls in love. As Shanshan says, “Maybe
because law and morality would have bound us together. But how tragic simply to
comply with law and morality! Was there no stronger bond to link us?” What
Shanshan says definitely makes sense that marriage should be based on love and
not just certain qualifications. The characters end up challenging their societies by
acknowledging the real meaning of marriage. That’s love.
Works Cited
Achebe, Chinua. Marriage Is a Private Affair. Evanston: McDougal Littell Inc, 2002.
Textbook.
Jie, Zhang. Love Must Not Be Forgotten. Evanston: McDougal Littell Inc, 2002.
Textbook.
From birth Okonkwo had wanted his son, Nwoye, to be a great warrior like him. His son instead rebelled and wanted to be nothing like Okonkwo. Okonkwo would not change so that his son would idolize him, as he had wanted since his son's birth. He chose not to acknowledge his son's existence instead. This would weigh heavily on anyone's conscience, yet Okonkwo does not let his relationship with his son affect him in the least bit.
This quote shows that Okonkwo is really sympathetic and how he has a liking ness to some children for different reasons. This also shows how Okonkwo is not a heartless man and actually cares for his children. “He therefore treated Ikemefuna as he treated everybody else - with a heavy hand. But there was no doubt that he liked the boy.” (Achebe Ch 4) This shows that Okonkwo even shows sympathy to those that are not related to him. Ikemefuna came in as a prisoner but later ended up becoming apart of Okonkwo's family.
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Unfortunately, his father is highly upset and disowns him. Despite this, Nnemeka and Nene get married and have two sons together. The boys often ask about their grandfather, so Nene comes up with a plan to write to Okeke. Okeke, who had been absent from their lives, finally has a change of heart and regrets his actions. He visits his son and his family, realizing that the past traditions and generations he was living in are not the same as the ones Nnemeka is living in.
Okonkwo’s fear leads him to treat members of his family harshly, in particular his son, Nwoye. Okonkwo often wonders how he, a man of great strength and work ethic, could have had a son who was “degenerate and effeminate” (133). Okonkwo thought that, "No matter how prosperous a man was, if he was unable to rule his women and his children (and especially his women) he was not really a man" (45).
Okonkwo’s fear of becoming like his lackadaisical father is an internal conflict between Okonkwo and his father. “Okonkwo’s fear was greater than these. It was not external but lay deep within himself, lest he should be found to resemble his father.” (Achebe 13). Okonkwo tries to live his life, ideally from his father.
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