The Mask Monologue

The Mask

By Ella Hoffmann

I woke up to her strong hands clasped tightly around my throat. My eyes shot open and there she was. Her blue eyes, wide and wild, were full of anger and resentment, burning a hole right through me. I desperately gasped for air, I didn’t bother trying to defend myself, because I knew that wouldn’t go down well. Unfortunately, this situation was all too familiar to me. Isn’t it sad that she was the one who once cuddled me when I had a bad dream, and now she is the reason I can’t sleep at night? Isn’t it sad that the person who is supposed to keep me safe is the person I fear most? “Where’d you put them!” She yelled, her familiar, liquor-scented breath hit my face. “Where’d you put my cigarettes Nina? I know you took

them you stupid girl.”
“Mum.Your-, your pocket.” I managed to choke out between shortened breaths.

She furrowed her eyebrows and tightened her grip on my neck, her acrylic nails sinking deeper into my skin “Do you think that’s funny?” She tormented “Do you really want to play those games with me?” I could hear my heartbeat in my head and my vision was cloudy, the world around me was starting to spin. I extended my arm and reached into the front pocket of her jeans, pulling out the small box and holding it between our faces. She immediately let go of my neck, snatched the cigarettes out of my hand and walked calmly out the door of my bedroom. I lay motionless on my bed until I heard the front door slam and the car drive

away.

I looked into the mirror examining the mask I created. Pretty good. There was no sign of the scar above my eyebrow from mum’s hair straightener or the vine of purple bruises wrapped around my neck or the permanent bags under my eyes from sleepless nights. As I stepped out of the apartment door I seamlessly and instinctively morphed into the girl I wished I was. No one would have a doubt in their mind that I was anything but a normal, upper-class, suburban girl. And that’s exactly how I liked it.

As I walked into Oakland High School the bell rang and I instantly felt at ease. “Hey Nina!” Ashley said as she skipped up to me, her long blonde hair trailing behind her. “Hey Ash” I said linking arms with her as we walked in sync. Other students went quiet when we walked past. Mr Morgan, our principal, said this was because I was too intimidating, they were scared they were going to say something I didn’t approve of. He also said I should try smiling or saying hi when I walk past, but I didn’t want them to get the wrong idea and think they could talk to me or something. “OMG.” Said Ashley “How good was Josh’s party on Saturday night?! I don’t remember anything so it must have been great-” I zoned out as she talked. It seemed like we were always talking about the same things, boys, parties, who’s dating who. As we walked down the hall towards our first class of the day when Ashley tapped me on the shoulder, “Nina look!.” she pointed towards the music block where Ava Wright, a girl my age with freckles and long red hair, was packing her flute into its case “It’s your best friend” She added with a smirk.
“Oi, Ginger!” I yelled out to her, she turned around for a split second before seeing my face and quickly turning away. “Is it true that redheads are related to satan?” other students laughed and I smiled as she pretended not to hear and hurriedly moved to her next class. Ava and I were definitely not best friends. I can’t tell you exactly why I hate her, I just do. And that’s the only reason I need. As I walked into my English classroom with Ashley by my side other students made way for us. This was my comfort zone, this was the place where I felt in control.

It was second break and I was sitting with Ashley and some of our other friends in our usual spot near the library when Ava walked past on her way to the library. I saw this as an opportunity to have a bit of fun. “Hey, Wright” I said and she continued walking away “Ava! Don’t walk away from me. You didn’t answer my question before.” She walked faster this time, something in me snapped. How dare she walk away from me. I got up from where I was sitting and jogged towards her. A small crowd started to gather around, people were hungry for some entertainment. I grabbed onto her backpack and pulled her around to face me. “Why are you walking away Ava? Are you scared?” I teased, pushing her hard so she landed flat on her back on the hard concrete. “So, are you going to answer my question?” I taunted “Are redheads really related to satan? Because that would explain a lot” everyone around us snickered and giggled but Ava just sat there, staring. She gave me a pitying look as if I was the one people should feel sorry for. That really annoyed me, so I decided to push her harder, Literally. I pulled her up by the collar of her shirt and pushed her against the brick wall of the library and growled in her face like a wild dog “Why aren’t you answering me, you stupid bitch?” Her expression didn’t change. Suddenly I felt tears well up in my eyes and I had a horrible sinking feeling in my stomach. “What’s wrong with you?!” I screamed, and this time I think I was yelling at myself.

I pushed my way through the crowd and ran as fast as I could towards the toilet block.

When I got there I locked myself in the disabled toilet which was a small, dark room consisting of a toilet, a shower and a mirror with a sink underneath. I leant with one hand on either side of the sink and the tears fell freely down my cheeks. The anger that i felt a few moments ago was replaced with a feeling of pure hopelessness and misery. I lifted my head and was taken aback by the person in the mirror. I looked exactly like my mother. It wasn't because we shared the same nose or hair colour, but it was because we shared the same look of emptiness in our

eyes.

In that moment I realised I didn’t hate Ava Wright. But I was jealous of her. I hated that she had a light in her eyes that was once in mine. I hated that no matter how horrible I was to her she still had that light. I turned on the tap and splashed the cold water on my face, washing off my makeup and exposing my scars and bruises. I walked out of the toilet block and it went quiet. I felt people staring. I walked up to Ava who was sitting on the floor, exactly where I left her. I held out my hand. She looked at me in awe before grabbing my hand and standing up. “I’m sorry” I said before walking straight out of the school without looking back.