The Marriage Process

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The fourth and final step of the marriage process is to become one flesh. According to free dictionary.com, become means “to grow or come to be,” or “to be appropriate or suitable; to develop or grow into; to be appropriate; befit.” Becoming is a process that takes time and work. Tim Keller states that in order to call a union marriage, “sex is understood as both a sign of that personal, legal union and a means to accomplish it. The Bible says don’t unite with someone physically unless you are also willing to unite with the person emotionally, personally, socially, economically, and legally. Don’t become physically naked and vulnerable to the another person without becoming vulnerable in every other way, because you have given up your freedom and bound yourself in marriage.” (Keller pg. 215) God’s design is supposed to occur on the wedding night as they complete their marriage vows by having sex. It is clear that “they will become one flesh” is a indirect term for sex but it is also more than sex. The become one is to be on the same page, mind and accord. It is correct to compare it to one brain, making one decision and taking one action. Together one path, and they share one authority, one heart, one body, one mind, one thought, one church, and one God. The spouses become one flesh in every sense of the word. All these areas of oneness are important because division in any of them will cause them to stumble.
The idea of “two becoming one flesh” is a vivid and dramatic image of intercourse. And by saying that it’s more than sex or something other than sex, misses the meaning and purpose of sex. I agree with Mark Driscoll, in his book Real Marriage on his statement that husband and wife, a man and woman are to become one by “c...

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...r of The Lord and the ultimate dependency in His grace and love. Then, as I submit myself to His will, also lay at His feet my marriage and my wife. After this, I believe I need to make a conscious decision to love my wife regardless of the circumstances and situations that we face. This part is extremely important. It is a rational resolution, not one that is conditioned by, but one that will prevail despite of actions or feelings. Next, pray for the cultivation of fruits of the spirit, love patience, kindness, etc to be the center of our marriage as we both seek to understand each other and love each other better. Finally, intentional time together to grow in The Lord, to pray and to enjoy one another will constitute the foundations of a marriage rooted in God. These steps cement a base in which we can build and grow our covenant with The Lord and with each other.

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