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As a little girl I never felt like I belonged. I was confused on why I was being raised by my grandma. Why didn’t my mom want me? How come she chooses drugs over her kids, I just didn’t understand? All my life I tried to find where I belong. Seeing all my friends with their parents made me wonder why was I so different and unloved.
My grandma was a grumpy old lady. She treated me different than she did my sister who she was also raising. I knew how to cook, clean, and take care of my grandma by the time I was about five years old. I was not allowed to go to any friends ' houses or have any come over. I barely went to elementary school when living with her. If I didn’t do something I would receive a smack in the mouth or a spanking with a belt. I was always mad at my sister because it was my responsibility to clean her room. She was never home and could be with her friends 24/7. As a little girl I had built up a lot of feelings, I just didn’t understand.
Bouncing from my grandma to my uncle and aunts was never easy. I bounced back and forth a lot. My family would tell me how much I was not wanted. Having my mom not around to make me know I was different. I kept quiet and moped
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In my own house I became lonely because all my friends went off to college. I needed to make new friends and I was soon mixed in with the wrong crowd again. I started not only drinking, but doing drugs. I was smoking Meth by the age of 18 and from that day forward I felt like I had found what I had been missing. My life soon became whole, until everything started disappearing and dissolving. I became about eighty pounds and had nowhere to live and was pregnant. Again I was feeling at a loss because I wasn’t sure what to do. After having my son addicted to Meth I knew I needed to find myself. No one was there for me and I was at a loss with not being able to take my baby
My mind started to wonder though each room of the house, the kitchen where mom used to spend every waking hour in. The music room where dad maintained the instrument so carefully like one day people would come and play them, but that day never came, the house was always painfully empty. The house never quite lived to be the house my parents wanted, dust bunnies always danced across the floor, shelves were always slightly crooked even when you fixed them. My parents were from high class families that always had some party to host. Their children were disappointments, for we
When I was a child I thought everybody’s family would be the same, just your average family like mine and yours. My life as a child was a carefree life, I didn’t care for much, except stuff like doctors or dentist, I’ve done pretty much what an average kid did, I thought we had a good life going. When I went to my classmate’s house or meet their family they seemed like they were average to me. I never thought about how us as a family would have any trouble in the world, I was wrong.
I had been made to feel unwanted since my birth (start to speak with a sad and sombre tone). My mother died two weeks after my birth and my family saw me as a bad luck. I was unloved, isolated and abandoned. (slowly) No one was there to pat my head when I was chosen to lead the class and given a medal for my work in kindergarten. No one was there to pick me up on my first day at primary school. No one was there to welcome me when I came back home after moving from one boarding school to another. In the first twenty years of my life, I used to struggle with three basic issues. The first was identity: “Who am I? Who will I become in the future?” The second was importance: “Do I matter? Does anyone in the world care whether I win or lose?” The third was impact: “What is my place in life? What is the purpose of my existence?”
The simple bowl is deep cherry wood with a silver rimmed bottom that reflects my face upside down as a result of the polishing it has received over the years. The grain is worn, but still radiates the strength of the tree that it came from. As I run my finger over the inside of the cavernous salad bowl, it picks up some of the olive oil residue from the homemade Italian dressing that has seeped into every little grain of the bowl over years of use. Never subject to washings; we only wiped it out with a paper towel, to better flavor the crisp Boston bibb lettuce salads that it delivered at every family dinner. Just as the wood bowl, my grandmother was weathered and cracked by the trials of life. I could not be around her without leaving with a trace of her inner wisdom that came from experiencing life. And like the bowl, she delivered savory moments of life that left us yearning for more.
Growing up, I always felt out of place. When everyone else was running around in the hot, sun, thinking of nothing, but the logistics of the game they were playing. I would be sat on the curb, wondering what it was that made them so much different from me. To me, it was if they all knew something that I didn’t know, like they were all apart of some inside joke that I just didn’t get. I would sit, each day when my mind wasn’t being filled with the incessant chatter of my teachers mindlessly sharing what they were told to, in the hot, humid air of the late spring and wonder what I was doing wrong. See, my discontent
This lady is the most wonderful person I 've ever met. She is old, affectionate, and intelligent. It took me eighteen years to realize how much this extraordinary person influenced my life. She 's the type of person who charms everyone with her stories and experiences. She always time for her family and friends. She is the kind of leader who does everything to keep her family together and in harmony. She is my grandmother.
My whole childhood I raised myself, surviving on the Social Security benefits I got from my father’s being deceased. The school supplies and materials I needed all came from monies I received from the government. I can’t even remember the last time my mother bought me something with her own money. Without gas money, she wouldn’t take me to school half the time, so I often walked at least an hour every day to get there and back. My mother often sent me to live with my grandma for weeks at a time while she partied. She would come home for a day, grab a bag full of clothes, and leave, with no word about when, if ever, she was coming back. I remember crying and shouting, “If you love me, you’ll stay.” I always got a hand shoving me back and a door slammed in my face.
Has your family ever taught life lessons you feel you will never need? My family is notorious for life lessons, some more vital than others, but everyone in the family is always judgmental or has many suggestions on how I should do something. My grandmother, who has taught me a great deal, is the most informed person about useless facts. Although my grandmother’s teaching style is eccentric, I have found it is the most useful. It is almost inevitable if I learn something from my grandmother, I will have a use for it later in life. Life is always altering and my grandmother unknowingly prepared me.
I got some new friends and I was happy, but something still was not right, I still felt alone. Two years went by and I was still feeling this way. So I was researching my feelings and I later found out I had depression. My mom found out I was cutting my wrists and she would ask me all these questions that I wanted to tell her, but she would not understand.
“Dear Grandma...” or “LOL grandma just sent me a selfie” My generation went from writing letters and cards for grandma to hang on the fridge, to sending a text just by speaking the words to the phone. Communication through the years has evolved from formal to informal. The effort and feeling put into communicating when I was a child, does not play a role in society today. The world we live in today is about how quick we can send a message out. I often think of how I learned how to write a letter, reading letters and being excited about the mail I would receive, and the most important mail I have ever received.
My sister and I left to live in Houston with my mother for some time, but we had a strong desire to live with my father instead. After all, his family was the only family we grew up to know in the early years of our childhood. We had no other family besides my mother in Houston. My sister was sent to live with my father at my grandparents’ house at first and I had to stay and live with my mother. Although I loved, and still do love my mother very much, I wanted to live with my father as well. My father begged my mother to let me live with him and it seemed like forever until she finally gave in. At the time, I could not understand why my sister was allowed to live with my father and I was not. It was not until a few years later that I found out the reason my mother was so hesitant in allowing me to go live with my father. It was because I am his adoptive
Over the summer I decided to be more social and make new friends. On the first day of school I introduced myself to everyone in my first period class. Second week I decided to meet more people in my other class. By the end of grade 9, I knew almost all the guys in my grade. By grade 10 I started talking to girls. In grade 11, I join the football team, and got a little taste of what brotherhood is like. I had guys who, after earning their respect, would always have my back. By grade 12, pretty much most of the school knew me. End of grade 11 and grade 12 is also when I started actually dating and partying. Due to all the partying, my grades slipped a little. In grade 12, I began to do more drugs, and drink more. A lot of why I did it was the stress of the future because in my mind, I didn 't except to get into university, and if I don 't get it how am I going to get a good job. If I don 't have a good job then how will I be able to support myself, and if I can 't even support myself; in the even something happens to my parents, how could I ever hope to help and support my brother. Just thinking about that made me more inclined to find ways to forget about all my stresses; even if it was just for a night. I 've done Molly, shrooms, LSD, weed, acid, prescription drugs, and a lot of alcohol. I remember doing LSD and the next thing I knew; I was in a drag race in the outskirts. I was completely stupid and reckless and I 'm lucky to be alive
At this time I started to hang out with friends, and began to pick up a few of their ways. My new ways was a little displeasing to my grandmother. She knew these ways were different than what she taught me. During this time, my grandmother was getting older in her age. She began to change according to my ways. She was still the loving, protective, and caring person that I always knew, but her rules became a little tougher and hard to follow. This is when she called my dad in to try and get a handle on my behavior. I wanted to look at this as betrayal. But because I knew exactly what type of person my grandmother was, I knew she was only looking out for my best interest. Needless to say, when my dad became a part of the disciplinary action, I got my act together fast. This was all a part of my grandmother’s plan to get me back on the right
She wasn’t as upbeat and friendly. She was so secretive about everything we did outside of the house. Like she would tell my father she was taking us to school and we’d just go to the park and run free. Then one day we were just getting home from school. As soon as we got in the door he knocked her to the ground and from there it just got worse. Unbeknownst to my brother and I grand ma had been then glue hold this horrible charade together. This had been happening for years but I guess it was easier for him to beat on hear in front of us than it was our grandmother. It was daily thing. It was our routine; Get up go to school, come home, do homework, mom and dad fight, go to bed. Wake up and repeat. May 24, 2007 last day of school. It was a normal day for our household, Mom got us up and ready for school. Later that day after school we had dinner and went to bed as usual. I went to sleep not knowing that in less than an hour I would be running for my life.
Growing up my family lived a "double-life". To the outside world, I had the most loving and respected family the whole town knew and loved but closed doors it was hell. My father physically and verbally abused me, my siblings and my mother for a very long time. My father would beat me up with a phone cable until drops of blood were falling off of me for little things I would do wrong such as getting dirty outside or playing with little boys. My mother would sometimes join my father when it was time to hit my siblings and me. I knew by the way force of the beatings of my parents ' were doing to me it was a stress reliever more than teaching me how to respect them. My mother hardly disagrees with my father because the moment she would it is when my father would beat her and rape her in their room. I thought that was okay my mom would come out with a bruise on her face after they left their room because my mom would tell me " We like to play a lot with each other, no worry my child". My grandparents who lived with my family did...