Summary Of Sex Lies And Conversation Deborah Tannen

According to the article "Sex, Lies, and Conversation: Why Is It So Hard for Men and Women to Talk to Each Other?" by Deborah Tannen and article "Speaking Different Languages" by John Gray are talking about the different ways between men and women conversation. Men have different styles from women while they talk to each other they talk more topic and more interesting which is different from women who will talk about one topic. And have other action that men and women are different which cause of the lack of communication between men is and women is a major of divorce in the United Stated. According to Tannen and Gray men's and women's different conversation styles reflect men's need for independence and women's need for intimacy because women use conversation to build friendship, to solve problems, and to express feelings, but men do not.

Firstly, the reason that according to Tannen and Gray men's and women's different conversation styles reflect men's need for independence and women's need for intimacy because women use conversation to build friendship.

For women before they begin to get close to each other is they start to use conversation to share some of the story from the outside world that they have to some inside to their personal information by talking about things that bad and good experience from themselves to each other. Which is how they first start to beginning to build their friendship to get a best friend. Just like in article by Tannen explain to us, "Little girls create and maintain friendships by exchanging secrets; similarly, women regard conversation as the cornerstone of friendship" (330). Which is the reason that women different from men because men did not use conversation to build their friendship in the way that women do, they use conversation to comparison; which they live in hierarchical world, where maintains

independence.
Secondly, women use conversation to solve problem which they expect the listener-noise to respond back to them when they talk. But, men did not make listening noise to respond back instead they become quiet which make women feel that they did not listening to them which is not right men remain quiet is when they listen and think what to respond. Tannen also claims, "What is important is not the individual subjects that are discussed but the sense of closeness…when people tell their thoughts, feelings, and impressions" (330). That is the important point to understand each other between men and women. When women talk to each other to solve problem they make listener-noise which show that they listen and care about each other also they respond back with their opinion that they think it can help their friend.
Thirdly, women also use conversation to express feelings; which Gray declares that," To fully express their feelings, women assume poetic license and use various superlatives, metaphors, and generalizations. Men mistakenly take these expressions literally" (335). That is the point that make men and women argue to each other because they misunderstanding each other. Women say the word to express the feeling but men mistaking the meaning that women mean they take the word information literally, which men miss the women common to them. That why men's and women's have different conversational styles which they have the same word but they use in the different meanings. Gray also explain , “ when men and women are on the verge of arguing, they are generally misunderstanding each other… it is important to rethink or translate what they have heard” (336). That is true if they misunderstand each other they should think about it again to see on what they have done.
In addition to solve the problem between men and women is they have to get understand each other common and understand each other of the body language. Which they will be get along together as they live together.