Self and Identity

Essay Option #5

Self and Identity

The better which a person develops an understanding of themselves and of the other people around them, the better able they will be able to develop intimate relationships. A person who has a negative model of self and has a negative model of others , otherwise known as Fearful, is going to shy away from attachment and be socially avoidant which obviously is going to affect the crisis of intimacy versus isolation. The example describes a person who is hesitant to make long term commitments and resists urges to display intimacy, but is capable of forming a dependency on him by the other in the relationship. A Preoccupied person has a negative self model and a positive model of others. They often tend to be overly dependent and ambivalent. The example suggests a person who might be shy and conservative but is capable of not displaying their awkward feelings to the other person. A Secure individual has a positive model of self and others. They are comfortable with intimacy and autonomy and often do not have a difficult time in forming intimate relationships. The example describes this person as someone who is very capable of healthy relationships and good communication skills. It seems like a secure person has all the good qualities that any relationship requires. And finally, a Dismissing person has a positive model of self but a negative model of others. They are characterized by denying attachment and their counter dependency. All of the differences among the different models result from past experiences in the individual’s life. How they were raised in terms of different parenting styles and methods of child raising affect an individuals internal working models of self and others.

Attachment styles of Secure individuals are described as passionate and selfless. They have high levels of intimacy, passion and are very committed and able to be trusted. This reminds me of the perfect girlfriend. I don't see a lot of jealously and bizarre head games coming from a secure person. They are highly self confident and low on self consciousness with their partner. They tend not to fear being close to another person and yet are not likely to go out of their mind when things don't feel right. Avoidant people are known for their head games. They tend to be low in terms of intimacy, passion and commitment. This reminds me of a relationship my roomate has with his girlfriend.