In her book, An Unconventional Family, Sandra Bem describes her experience with an egalitarian marriage and her “gender-liberated, anti-homophobic, and sex-positive” (Bem, 1998, p. 178) child rearing practice. The book focuses on Bem’s childhood, her decision to marry Daryl Bem, her career, the decision on their parenting style and the outcomes of those decisions. While the book is a very interesting account of this type of parenting and marriage it, like many books, has its strengths and limitations. However, it discusses many concepts that, even today, are still considered relevant.
Overall, the book gives an interesting insight into the time period of the 60s and 70s in which most of Bem’s account takes place. While portraying the public's view on egalitarian marriages at the time, it also conveys the rising sense of
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change and reform that must have inspired Bem and her husband in their decision to construct their marriage, and raise their children in this certain way. Further strengths of the book are the follow-up interviews Bem conducts with her two children, Emily and Jeremy. These interviews give a sense of closure to the book and allow the reader to form their own opinion on the outcome of Bem’s child rearing practice. On the other hand, Bem’s accounts of her childrearing and marriage are arguably placed in the background of Bem’s own life story, that takes prominence in the book. While her unconventional family life is often mentioned, Bem seems to especially highlight her career and childhood. While this is in part done to enhance the reader's understanding of the motivations behind Bem’s marriage and child rearing decisions, and further allows the reader to have a fuller understanding of the other aspects in her life, it can seem to distract from the actual account of her unconventional marriage and parenting decisions (Bem, 1998). An interesting idea presented in the book was that when Bem was denied tenure at Stanford University for her research, even she, as a convinced feminist, did not at the time see it as sex discrimination. Looking back on it, Bem argues that yes, it was highly likely that this decision was based on sex discrimination, but that at the time it did not appear to her as such. Another woman working at Stanford, who was also a feminist, agreed with her on the opinion that her denied tenure was not sex discrimination, but based on other factors (Bem, 1998, p. 152-153). This ties in with the fact that on average, women are more likely to perceive that women are a target for discrimination, but that this discrimination does not happen to them (Helgeson, 2012, p. 472). This can be described as a denial of disadvantage. Like many women, Bem had a difficult time to conclude an act of discrimination from a single event. Therefore she relied on a different reason to explain her denied tenure (Helgeson, 2012, p. 473). This reason being, her exploration of a newly arising field in psychology and the problems related to this (Bem, 1998, p. 155). Another interesting idea presented in the book was how Bem taught her daughter the concept of sexism. She believes that this lesson was triggered by someone telling Emily or another girl that she was not able to do certain things because she was female. In order to teach Emily about sexism, Bem read a children's book to her, that dealt with a boy telling a girl she couldn't do certain jobs because of her sex. The girl would then go home to her parents and tell them about this claim, and the parents would remind her of one of her female relatives, who was very accomplished and working in said job, even as a female. This would then invalidate the boys claim, since he was proven wrong (Bem, 1998, p. 119). This children's book is an example of how people were beginning to debunk the traditional sexist beliefs that were present at the time. Traditional sexism is characterised by the believe that women are less competent than men and that women and men should be treated differently because of this. It also promotes traditional gender roles for men and women (Helgeson, 2012, p. 70). Therefore, the boy in the children's book and the person who made the claim that a girl could not do the same things a boy could, both display traditional sexism. Nowadays sexism is less likely to be present as the traditional form, but is more likely to be displayed as a form of modern sexism. This form of sexism denies that there is any form of discrimination against women. Modern sexism dislikes any preferential treatment of women and unconsciously maintains and encourages the unequal treatment of women (Helgeson, 2012, p. 71). Since this form of sexism is more subtle than traditional sexism, it would be interesting to examine how to teach the nuances of this type of sexism to a child. An additional interesting idea was how the Bems tried to raise their children without traditional gender roles. They tried to provide their children with both traditionally male and female experiences. These experiences included toys, clothing and friendships with both males and females. They also tried, through their own behaviour, to teach their children that there is no correlation between behaviour and sex (Bem, 1998, p. 104). Since parents are often a major factor contributing to gender-role socialisation, it was important for the Bems to set a good example. Therefore, unlike many other parents, the Bems did not encourage their children to only play with sex-typed toys (Helgeson, 2012, p. 154). However, as Bem tells the reader later, their plan of not having a certain behaviour be more associated with a certain sex, might have been compromised. During the children's middle childhood Bem started to spend more time with them than her husband, often due to shared activities. This lead to the three of them starting to form a subgroup that distanced them from Daryl. During the children's adolescence, this intensified. While Bem would talk to her children about their thoughts and feelings, Daryl would distance himself further and avoid talking to the children about their emotions (Bem, 1998, p. 173-174). This is not unlike what is common for many parents. While the mother encourages displays of emotions, the father often distances himself, ignores the displays of emotion or dismisses them. This can then lead to the children's associating emotionality with women, and a dislike of displaying emotions with men. Therefore this form of behaviour can unconsciously lead to traditional gender-role socialisation (Helgeson, 2012, p. 156). Hence, the Bems’ move to traditionally gendered parental roles might have impacted their plan to raise their children without traditional gender roles. The parenting style used by the Bems has both positive and negative sides.
Nontraditional gender socialisation can help the child develop a more complete understanding of their personality, that takes both their feminine traits and masculine traits into consideration. This can be illustrated by Jeremy telling his mother that he got to be “a complete person” (Bem, 1998, p. 190), when asked how his upbringing enhanced his life. Further this type of parenting allows the child to be more analytical of traditional gender roles and how they might be present and potentially affect their lives. This can make them more aware of them, and could help them avoid or fight against negative effects that might arise from their presents. This can often be advantageous. Bem educated her children about traditional gender roles and their negative aspects, like sexism, and through this allowed them to have the tools to identify them early on, like Emily did in nursery school (Bem, 1998, p. 119-120). When children are being educated about traditional gender roles and their disadvantages they have an easier time identifying them later on and possibly fighting
back. On the other hand, this type of parenting can also have its negative sides. When nontraditional gender socialisation is being extremely stressed it might lead to the child devaluing traditional gendered activities, roles and interests. However, if this child is interested in these activities or roles, this might lead to an internal conflict, since the child does not want to be interested in these things. An example of this is Jeremy, who as a child strongly devalued conventional male desires, and still today is not completely comfortable with them (Bem, 1998, p. 189). Therefore, it might be useful that even during nontraditional gender socialisation it is emphasised that it is acceptable to have traditional gender interests. Another possible downside to this type of parenting could be the inner conflict that nontraditional gender interests can cause in a society that values traditional gender roles. Emily, for example, had to struggle with the idea of wanting to be a pretty girl, as prescribed by society, and her dislike of femininity (Bem, 1998, p. 200). Overall the positive factors seem to outweigh the negative ones. While the positive outcomes most definitely benefit the children, the negative outcomes can be either eliminated or decreased through small changes in the parenting methods. Otherwise, they could potentially one day also be decreased through a change in our society and culture. In conclusion the book gives an interesting insight into a different kind of parenting. It provides us with possible outcomes of this parenting style, as well as explanations as to why it developed. While there are both positive and negative sides to this parenting style, it could be argued that the positive aspects outweigh the negative ones.
There is much debate on what constitutes as a family today. However, Ball (2002) states, “The concept of the traditional family…is not an immutable one. It is a social construct that varies from culture to culture and, over time, the definition changes within a culture” (pp. 68). There is a growing diversity of families today including the commonality of sole-parenting. In order to explore aspects of sole-parenthood objectively, I need to reflect and put aside my personal experience of growing up in sole-parent household. Furthermore, this essay will explore the historical origins, cultural aspects discussing the influences and implications of gender identity, and social structures of sole-parent families, as well as consider the implications in midwifery by applying the sociological imagination. Mills (2000/1959) describes the sociological imagination as “…a quality of mind that seems most dramatically to promise an understanding of the intimate realities of ourselves in connection with larger social realities” (pp.15). In other words, the sociological imagination involves the ability to consider the relationships between personal experiences and those within society as a whole.
Young children are typically raised around specific sex-types objects and activities. This includes the toys that that are given, activities that they are encouraged to participate in, and the gender-based roles that they are subjected to from a young age. Parents are more likely to introduce their daughters into the world of femininity through an abundance of pink colored clothes and objects, Barbie dolls, and domestic chores such as cooking and doing laundry (Witt par. 9). Contrarily, boys are typically exposed to the male world through action figures, sports, the color blue, and maintenance-based chores such as mowing the lawn and repairing various things around the house (Witt par. 9). As a result, young children begin to link different occupations with a certain gender thus narrowing their decisions relating to their career goals in the future. This separation of options also creates a suppresses the child from doing something that is viewed as ‘different’ from what they were exposed to. Gender socialization stemming from early childhood shapes the child and progressively shoves them into a small box of opportunities and choices relating to how they should live their
How do children learn to be men or women? Penelope Eckert is a professor of linguistics and anthropology at Stanford University and Sally McConnell-Ginet is a professor of linguistics at Cornell University. They wrote an article “Learning to Be Gendered,” published in 2013 in the book “Language and Gender.” The authors argue that society has many ways to shape children's gender by children’s behaviors since their birth. Eckert and Ginet show to the readers that the parent teaches their child’s behavior. The author is using ethos, logos, and pathos to support the thesis statement.
Many couples in the United States idealize the myth of a “tradition family”. The idea that a woman can spend quality time with her child while maintaining an effective sexual life with her partner seemed to have caused a lot of stress during the 1950s. Coontz’s says “this hybrid idea drove thousands of women to therapists, tranquilizers, or alcohol when they tried to live up to it.” (Coontz, 569). Which explains that it is merely impossible to try to mold a family to be “ideal.” Many families still strive for a traditional life, which they define as life “back in the day.” They need to forget the past and start living in the 21st century. “Two-thirds of respondents to one national poll said they wanted more traditional standards of family life.”(Coontz, 582). Which goes to show that many families want to change to what once used to be perceived as an “ideal family” but “the same percentage of people rejected the idea that women should return to their traditional role.”(Coontz, 582). Families want to take bits and pieces from what used to be “traditional families” over time and create their own i...
Gender socialization, the process by which one is taught the expected behavior assigned to them because of their sex, despite being critiqued as ‘natural’, are influenced through many different agents. Parents, the first and most prominent agents in this process, began this socialization from birth. Everything from the color choices of clothes, toys, and even level of intimacy displayed for girls over boys, all attest to these notions. Emma Jean Peace, rebels against these ‘normality’s’ after the birth of her seventh child Perfect, who Emma Jean decides to secretly raise as a girl despite being born a boy. If parents have the right to instill, teach and raise their child based on their own personal convictions
Whether a created family is from previous heterosexual relationships, artificial insemination, or adoption, it deserves the same legal rights heterosexual families enjoy. Full adoption rights needs to be legalized in all states to provide a stable family life for children because sexual orientation does not determine parenting skills, children placed with homosexual parents have better well-being than those in foster care, and there are thousands of children waiting for good homes. The argument sexual orientation interferes with ones parenting skills is common belief that Charlotte J. Patterson identifies as myth in her work, Lesbian and Gay Parents and their Children, suggesting the belief that “lesbians’ and gay men’s relationships with sexual partners leave little time for ongoing parent–child interactions.” In the Who is Mommy tonight? case study, how 18 lesbian adoptive parents, 49 lesbian parents who formed their families biologically, and 44 heterosexual adoptive parents experience and perceive their parenting role, how they respond when their children seek them or their partner for particular nurturing, and how the parents negotiate the cultural expectation of a primary caregiver (Ciano-Boyce & Shelley-Sireci, 2002) is looked at.
From a young age , many individuals worldwide are socialized according to their gender and what is appropriate for males and females. Socializing according to ones gender starts from the moment you are born when the nurses give you either a blue or pink blanket to wrap the child in. This allows society to known whether the child is a male or female. The double standard for gender occurs within many areas of development for instance the clothes one wears, the toys that are placed with, the jobs and careers one chooses in their later life. Attachment given by a child's parent reinforces an individual to be socialized and children can also contribute how their parents treat and see them , these are social constructs within parenting (Ambert,2012). All of these things can be gender separated and still are in today's society. Another area where males and females are socialized differently is in the area of sexuality and what is acceptable for males is not always for the female gender. Gender specific norms govern the appropriate amount of partners , when it is acceptable to engage in sexual activity and what motivates ones behavior (Kreager &Staff, 2009). This shows society individuals are socialized according to their gender because males are socialized into behaving a different way than girls but it still be accepted as a norm. Women are taught that it is okay to have sexual relationships but they need a reason, example being in a committed relationship, where as men just need a place. This is a common perception based on ones gender , formed from a western conservative view point ( Fugere et.al, 2008). Gender socialization is a process where boys are seen to be given wings and girls are to be given roots (Myers, Spencer, Jordan...
Parenting may be said as an experiment, because every parent has different views and ways of raising their own children. Parents raise their child in such ways in which they believe is beneficial and healthy for the child. A story that came across media news about a baby, Storm, being raised as “genderless” fueled a controversy in defiance of gender stereotyping. The Witterick family in Canada believed that by acknowledging this practice it would, “tribute to freedom and choice in place of limitation, a standup to what the world could become in Storm’s lifetime” (Davis and James). However, in terms of raising a genderless child, this can cause the child to be unprepared to face the conventional norms or society. This practice may be causing the child a disservice.
It is not an easy task for a child to understand the obligations that accompany their assigned gender, yet while they encounter difficulties processing these thoughts they are also achieving a greater sense of identity. Different stages of life consist of social rules that encode how one is to behave, however, it is not clearly defined when the transition should occur from young girl to young woman. It is not surprising that learning about gender roles and their associated responsibilities is not an easy part of a young child’s maturation and is often the result of a very emotionally charged collection of experiences.
‘Boys will be boys’, a phrase coined to exonerate the entire male sex of loathsome acts past, present, and potential. But what about the female sex, if females act out of turn they are deemed ‘unladylike’ or something of the sort and scolded. This double standard for men and women dates back as far as the first civilizations and exists only because it is allowed to, because it is taught. Gender roles and cues are instilled in children far prior to any knowledge of the anatomy of the sexes. This knowledge is learned socially, culturally, it is not innate. And these characteristics can vary when the environment one is raised in differs from the norm. Child rearing and cultural factors play a large role in how individuals act and see themselves.
My motivation to research, discover, and stimulate social change is rooted in my childhood experiences. As a young child I grew up in a household filled with domestic violence, which ultimately ended with the suicide of my father. I subsequently came to know a variation of the typical American nuclear family: a single parent household. As I began to study family dynamics further, I was able to see my life experiences in a broader context. In hindsight, I now realize the impact and weight my own mother had on my personal development. It was through her strength, determination, and optimism that I was able to find the spark within myself to set goals and dreams for my future. She encouraged me never to accept anything at face value, including the way our society attempts to define my womanhood. As a result of this, I now question American culture’s classification of a ‘successful’ family and the factors that determine a ‘stable’ family.
Dr. Hicks (2008), a scholar at the University of Salford, stated profoundly that “instead of asking whether gay parenting is bad for kids, we should ask how contemporary discourses of sexuality maintain the very idea that lesbian and gay families are essentially different and, indeed, deficient.” By viewing same-sex parenting as an equal means of bringing up a child, research could move on to deeper studies that incorporate this family structure into analyses of children, marriages, and families.
Over the decades, a significant mark of the evolution of gender is the increasing social phenomenon in how society conceptualizes gender. Gender is a system of social practices for characterizing people as two different categories, femininity and masculinity and arranging social relations of inequality on the basis of that difference (Ridgeway & Correll 2004). Gender-neutral parenting (GNP) refers to raising children outside of the traditional stereotypes of girls and boys. It involves allowing children to explore their innate personalities and abilities rather than confining them into rigid gender roles that society has shaped. It can be argued that it is through socialization children discover how to operate in gendered structures, learn
Feminism has revolutionized the family field. Probably no field of study is more profoundly influenced by feminist thought. In the four decades since feminist scholars introduced a gendered understanding of family life, the field has absorbed feminist influences. Feminist concepts and investigative strategies have produced new descriptions of family experience, conceptualized family forms and family processes in new ways, and identified new topics for investigation. Feminists' Stance toward the Family
... in the acquisition of gender difference in behavior and attitudes play a role in gender socialization (Lau, 1996). Gender role socialization according to a study done cross-culturally found that it could be narrowly defined by the type of sex-typed behaviors such as play activities and toys. In summary, gender identity is a learned behavior that starts at a very young age and can hinder or enhance a child's development. Gender plays a role in how a person defines themselves and grows as a person depending on their safety and security in being male or female and what that means to them and what they are taught at a young age. Bottom line is that men and women are different, and as a society and as parents being a boy or girl does not meet we have to fit into a certain box, as people are unique in of themselves, and that is what we can enhance and nurture to develop.