Personal Narrative: Quitting Swimming

The room started spinning, the walls closed in, and my vision went fuzzy. I saw stars everywhere I looked. My palms tingled. My fingers went numb. I felt as if my throat was closing up, and that I couldn’t breathe. If I had to sit in class one moment longer, I was sure I was going to pass out. I was having a panic attack. The first time I had a panic attack, was the beginning of freshman year after my dad had lost his job for the fourteenth time.
Despite the job loss being a normal thing in my life, this time was different. I was starting high school, and I was giving up a sport that I had done since first grade, swimming, to pursue new sports, cross country and track, that I just found a passion for the summer before. Quitting swimming meant

losing my support system as my teammates were no longer a regular presence in my life. At first, the panic attacks were manageable. Just a few moments of discomfort, and one attack a day. Things changed that February, when we found out we were at risk of losing our house. I then began having multiple panic attacks a day and the one thing that kept me at school was running.
Unfortunately, my grades began to suffer because I was constantly worried about the outcome of my future. By the end of the school year, my gpa was destroyed. As bad as I felt, I realized I had to make a comeback to save my future. I made a plan of action. That summer, I focused on running. When I ran, my anxiety couldn’t keep up. Running was my saving grace. The feeling of my feet pounding the pavement, the breeze in my hair, and the sweat running down my body was enough to convince me that there was hope for the future.
Initially I was scared to go to school again because of my anxiety, but I decided that I didn’t want to leave my coaches or teammates who had stood behind me whenever I needed support. As school approached again, the nerves were still there, but I felt confident in going back. I had learned various coping techniques such as taking walks, doodling various pictures to focus on other things, and actively participating in lectures to keep myself in the moment. When I got back to school sophomore year, I knew I had made the right choice in going back. I was able to go to school without any of the anxiety problems I had previously faced.
Junior year, when my dad lost his job again during the week of AP Exams and post season for track, my anxiety was nowhere in sight. I had used my coping strategies to get through a similar situation before, so this time I had no trouble, knowing what to do in the face of adversity. Having a panic disorder was one of the hardest things I have ever had to go through, but I’m so thankful that I did. Because of this, I was able to form strong relationships with my coaches, friends, and the school administration. I also learned a lot about myself. The most important lesson I learned was that failure is a setup for success, not an ending.