I never would have imagined feeling like an outsider in my own home. Unfortunately I wouldn’t even go as far as considering my current home as “my home.” I live in a house with eight people and two dogs and for some, that might not even be slightly overwhelming, but for me it is. I try to keep my heart open about the situation, but I always end up feeling like I don’t belong. Given the circumstances of my situation, I would say life definitely turned out better than what I initially expected, but I was left feeling like a “stranger in a village” having to live with a family that is nothing like my own.
Life was different before my mom was diagnosed with a terminal cancer. I lived in a house with my mom and my two siblings. My parents were
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There were people at my house going through my family’s belongings telling me what was worth keeping and what wasn’t. I felt like I couldn’t have my own opinion and if I shared my opinions, I would instantly be looked down on. I was in charge of my own things and had little to no say in anything else that happened. I wasn’t even allowed to go into my mom’s room to collect things that were special to her. I couldn’t even grab items of hers that would have comforted me while I was grieving. You could feel the tension throughout the whole house as we got closer and closer to getting everything packed up. We were all mentally, emotionally, and physically drained. Those emotions stuck around as we were welcomed into our new home. My siblings and I were introduced to new rules at our house and they were nothing like what we were used to. We had to eat as a family which was a new concept to us. We came from a divorced household where my mom was almost never home for dinner because she was working to support her kids. We were expected to get along and communicate with each other. I never felt connected to my legal guardians and that made simple tasks such as communicating, incredibly difficult. People were so happy about the situation and I didn’t understand why. I remember seeing the church bulletin announcing, “The Fruits family has grown by three! Welcome Michael, Sarah, and Rachel to the family”.
Their house was very unfamiliar, it did not feel like home nor provided the sense of security that I needed at the time, and to be honest I broke down the first couple of weeks because the atmosphere that I would feel around the house was quite strange and unwelcoming. The fact that I did not have my parents with me made me feel miserable and vulnerable, I never experienced those feelings inside of me, I did not how to react, and the only solution I found practical was to shut down my emotions. Do not misunderstand me, I would talk to my parents on the phone every day, but as you may know it is not the same as to interact with them physically, and to have them in front of you. Before moving in with my uncles, I guess I did not realize how valuable my parents were to me, I thought I was independent from them, since, until that point, I was able to manage my problems by myself without needing their
When I was younger, I remember feeling as though I lived in a bubble; my life was perfect. I had an extremely caring and compassionate mother, two older siblings to look out for me, a loving grandmother who would bake never ending sweets and more toys than any child could ever realistically play with. But as I grew up my world started to change. My sister developed asthma, my mother became sick with cancer and at the age of five, my disabled brother developed ear tumors and became deaf. As more and more problems were piled upon my single mother’s plate, I, the sweet, quiet, perfectly healthy child, was placed on the back burner. It was not as though my family did not love me; it was just that I was simply, not a priority.
My father was especially devastated. I had to drag him to church, and I did all the housework and had to farm food or else we would starve.
I feel like an outsider sometime, but I mean almost everyone at least once in their life feels like an outsider. Being an outsider is never a bad thing. I only mean that you aren’t comfortable with the environment yet and that can take a few days for you to ajust. After that though you should start to feel
In other words, the environment you are in and the people you are surrounded by is vital in terms of whether one feels at home or not. Building upon Duyvendak's argument, I will elaborate on another key aspect,
Imagine having to wake up each day wondering if that day will be the last time you see or speak to your father. Individuals should really find a way to recognize that nothing in life is guaranteed and that they should live every day like it could be there last. This is the story of my father’s battle with cancer and the toll it took on himself and everyone close to him. My father was very young when he was first diagnosed with cancer. Lately, his current health situation is much different than what it was just a few months ago. Nobody was ready for what was about to happen to my dad, and I was not ready to take on so many new responsibilities at such an adolescent age. I quickly learned to look at life much differently than I had. Your roles change when you have a parent who is sick. You suddenly become the caregiver to them, not the other way around.
Moving your body makes your position change; you're physically not where you just were. Moving your life gives you a life change; you're not going to be in the same mental space as you once were.
One of my favorit quotes by Desmond Tutu is, "You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them." With that being said, one of the hardest situations in my life was finding out I was no longer the only child. As an eight year old girl who is happy the onl child the last thing yo want you parents to tell you is that you are getting a sister for Christmas. I remember gooing through the five stages of grief. DENIAL,ANGER,BARGAINING, DEPRESSION, and finally ACCEPTANCE wich was the hardest one for me.
Growing up, I never had a home, because I always had two. Even though my Mom and Dad are on speaking terms, live relatively nearby each other, and hold similar values, having parents that aren't together has caused problems. Transitioning between their households every Friday meant that I never was able to settle down and feel comfortable. When I think of times that I have been truly content, one early example that comes to mind is a two week trip to Hawaii. These periods of true happiness all share two common factors; just like my summer on the icefield, Hawaii was a place away from either of my homes that I spent an extended period of time in.
I have always been a woman with a diverse mindset. Always open to learning about other cultures. More specifically, this course has helped me realize the subcategories that influence a culture. Like death, aging, sexual orientation, religion, funerals, family paradigms, etc. Basically, it is not one concept, it is many concepts confined to one word, culture.
If you ask anyone what home means to them more than likely you’ll get several different opinions. In my case home has never been a specific place it’s always been wherever my mom was! My Mother and I have been moving from place to place ever since I could remember.
It was dark that night, I was nervous that this dreadful day was going to get worse. Sunday, October 23, 1998 I wanted to start writing this to tell about the weird things i’m starting to see in this new neighborhood. Gradually I keep seeing pots and pans on the sink suddenly move to the floor. I would ask my sister but she is out with my mom and dad getting the Halloween costumes. When they got home I didn’t tell them what I saw because i've seen Halloween movies and I have to have dissimulation otherwise the ghost will come out and get me first. October 24, 1998 I think I got a little nervous yesterday with the whole ghost thing. 12:32pm, Went to eat lunch with the family today and I go to get my coat. I heard the words furious and madness,
Still I felt out of place, but positive change did start to occur upon our arrival into our very first home. It was small, definitely not meant for a family of six, but it was something to call home. Times were rough then too, my family was not financially secure, my mother worked in a factory. To think that she was high payed teacher back home who loved her job, had come over seas just to work at a factory for the sake of her children, still brings tears to my eyes. My father on the other hand had been studying day and night for his law examinations and my sisters who were at the time only sixteen years of age had taken up part time jobs that left them with no time for a social life. So much sacrifice made, with such little fruit of labour in sight. Yet again anxiousness hung above my head like a dark cloud unwilling to go away. Excitement on the other hand was also around the corner because I was about to start high
There are so many good feelings that people can get from belonging to a home. At home, I know that the door is always open for me, the people living there will always love me, and I am sure that there will always be something good to eat there. Because the people that I love the most, my family, are living in my home, that is what matters most to me.
“Home is where love resides, memories are created, friends always belong, and laughter never ends (Robot check).” A place becomes a home for me when I am around all the things that I enjoy and love. For example, when I am around everyone that I love, I enjoy a peaceful environment and the beautiful landscapes around me. The interpretation of home for me is not a physical thing that I see or that I can remember or even certain thoughts that I can relate, but it is a sensation that overcomes me when I envision being in the comfort of my own home. However, I know that this is a feeling that is calming to my soul and it quietly reassures me that I genuinely belong in a place where I can be free from people constantly judging me.