I left the conversation Saturday night really disturbed, feeling like this was some sort of burning bush encounter and that I was having a confrontation with God Himself in which He was trying to speak to me. I drove straight to Mecartney and then broke down and just started weeping uncontrollably. The feeling that I had just entered right there into the presence of God was overwhelming and I think for the first time in my life I got that feeling that people describe of being exposed before God and recognizing with horror their own uncleanliness, “Woe is me, I am ruined!” Part of it came from the dawning realization that my heart is a helpless mess that I can’t even begin to understand, and the only thing I could do was to plead with God to help me make sense of it all. I turned again to Psalm 139 again and prayed “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.” At this point I think I truly gave up all claim to know myself and turned fully to God, whom is described in the passage as the God who knew me completely before I was even created.
My prayer after the retreat and during my time away at Prayer Mountain started with this Psalm too. Through the message on Saul, I became convicted that I needed to struggle with my image-consciousness and my desire to gain respect and recognition from others. Saul started off as a guy who genuinely wanted to follow after God’s purpose for his life, but somehow ended up in outright rebellion and disobedience against God. He wasn’t planning to do this, but somewhere along the way his own desire for self-glory hijacked his service to God and ended up bringing destruction to himself and to others. During the reflection time, I realized that I couldn’t be sure that I...
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...ises became so much more relevant to my life. Psalm 139 proved to be so right, that the only one who really knows me is God, so I should cling onto God and trust Him not me. I’m convicted again that God placed spiritual leaders and other people around me to speak truth into my life – it’s ultimately wrong and destructive for me to take on a hardened rebellious attitude toward them. I should regard their presence in my life as a gift and refuse the temptation in my heart to treat the relationship in an adversarial way when I’m being corrected. Most of all I’m thankful to God for this whole incident. Under different circumstances, that Saturday conversation might not have happened, and though it was torturous and ugly, it turned out to be such a wake-up call and catalyst for spiritual struggle in my heart that I know for certain that God’s hand is at work in my life.
... a cry for help “Save me god (commentary note)”. Maybe the psalmist is saying that it is this coming to awareness of our failing as human beings and our efforts to transcend those flaws are those that will bring true salvation. It may not be misfortune that Christ does not look at the drowning supplicant, but to the angel next to him; perhaps man is really alone, he finally must come to Christ, confessing all of his sins and weaknesses.
As I continued to chat with my pastor that day, I really sensed the hurt in his eyes – the anger that comes from an unsolvable injustice, the tiredness of a problem. “What’s wrong?” I finally asked, “Having a bad day?” Sensing that I was truly concerned, he let the truth be told. “I talked with a woman today whose baby died suddenly of unknown causes. As we worked through her grief, she talked about how numerous friends and family, even a religious leader had patted her on the back, shook their heads and said, ‘It was God’s will.’ I find few things worse to say to a grieving parent. Saying nothing at all would be of more help.” It was obvious from our conversation that he had an understanding greater than I about God’s will, and his insight created in me a curiosity and desire to learn more.
After seeing though the eyes of my pastor I’ve come to realize the importance of faith and committing to one’s beliefs. Returning to church after two massive losses has helped my mother in many ways and it has also taught me as a young man how small things that I could do would turn to have a big impact on someone’s life the same way my pastor impacted my life and the life of my siblings.
...ing to accept “the love of Jesus down in my soul,” and accepting myself as sinner, I trust that God’s will in my life is coming to fruition. For I have a piece of love that will never grow old!
I find this poem to be exceptional in its meaning, in fact the verse that comes to mind when thinking of this poem is Psalm 51:17 “the sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.” (Holy Bible, New Testament) I believe that the speaker has meaning behind his words he knows that a complete peace and joy come from the awareness of one’s sin, he also believes in the submission of himself to God and the humility of heart.
Overall, the real question in the end after reflection, inquiry, and acknowledgement is whether I, or any other, can choose to trust in God. Will we choose to rise above our insecurities and habits, and do what promotes justice? Will we have the “courage to be” during this difficult realization, and the courage to choose God over ourselves? If, and when we do, we will realize the only thing more important than our insecurities are the people God tells us to call our brothers, and sisters in our greater community.
That’s what you get when you’re in mixed company – the saved and the unsaved. But today it’s just us, the saints of God. And if you’re like me, after being rejected all week, you need a recharge of your spiritual battery. So let’s recharge our spirits by linking up to one of my favorite power sources of scripture…Psalm 113.
As I sat this morning reading this article, I thought of the many times, I, Personally have battled this "abyss". I know what it's like because I have been there. I don't and I may not fully understand or comprehend to understand what you have gone through in your life Halie, yet, I really want you to know that I am here for you, and that I love you no matter what. There is a personal story that I share and have shared many times in my course of missionary service. It's a story about a man. It goes something like this;
As time went by, I felt I didn’t have a great testimony, that my story was not important. I found myself listening to countless inspirational speakers and pastors who had mi...
Psalms 1:1 begins by speaking of the blessing of the man that walks in the Lord’s counsel. Verse 1-3 illustrates the good people who decided to turn their backs away from a life of sin and focus their hearts and minds on God’s wisdom (Alexander, Alexander p.360). Psalms 1:1-3 expresses
Once the crying commenced, my mother called me, telling me that my last grandma had gone into the hospital. She collapsed in her apartment and was rushed to the emergency center. I had no idea what to do. I felt like God was just condemning me and attacking me for some reason. I went into this deep depression and I didn’t want anyone to talk to me, if they did, I would simply start crying.
I felt just what they were talking about but never knew what it meant or what it could mean. But that singular moment of realizing that there really was a way for me to admit this simple truth? Miracle three. Somewhere after all of this, I heard a commercial on KLOVE, which I try to listen to more and more these days. The commercial raised the question about going back to college. Yes, in these past few weeks I has started contemplating it, but I have no money or time to do so on my own. So I thought, if the Lord could provide me with the money, I would give it a try, a true honest try with everything thing I have in me. And the next words that bellow from the car radio are, "We are giving out scholarships." My jaw dropped to the floor of the car and I hear, see, and feel not only the answer to my prayer of how clergy hear God and know it is Him, but also, miracle four. Throughout this whole experience up to this point, there was one person in the background sneaking up very easily and lovingly into my life in many ways. Without knowing it, through advice, questions, and conversations, the first person I began asking for help to find my way back to God had become my best friend; Ashley
...ollowing in my sister's footsteps, I began learning from her experiences. We tread lightly around the subject of the religion these days. Thankfully, there are no wild debates at the dinner table on holidays. We respect one another's beliefs and agree to disagree about them. She often tells me, "You should come to my church!" when I call her seeking sisterly advice or needing a sympathetic ear. I have attended her church and admire how she's strengthened her parish and community. That's more inspirational to me than any Sunday sermon - as she is one who sincerely lives in the word, even when it's difficult for her.
...rd was trying to tell me this. It was during this time I heard the word ‘seek first the kingdom’. As I heard this word, I cried out to God for the first time in my life to remember me. It was here I made a vow to the Lord in the faith that I would find remembrance. As I made this vow and fulfilled it, the Lord opened doors that I can truly say would not have been opened if I didn’t respond to the word to ‘seek first the kingdom’. Out of this time, the Lord blessed me financially, led me to buy a home and healed my anxious heart. It was here that I began to find testimony before God through offering. This is something I am still finding to this day.
Many people have a stage in their life when they stop for a moment and think “what am I here to do?”. For me that stage in life had arrived a long time ago. I was about fourteen years old, I felt alone, I felt scared, but most of all I felt useless I didn't know in what direction my life was going. I kept asking the Lord to show me, to lead me to what he wants me do to and to shape me into who he wants me to be. When I say purpose most people think about the career I want to have, while having a career is important to me. I feel like that still doesn't complete my purpose. I want to do more for us, for humanity, for our future. I believe my ultimate purpose in life is to help people in need of attention and affection. I think that the Lord has put me through difficult obstacles in life so that I could help the people that went through or are going through the same things that I have left in my past. My motivation for doing this is first of all is knowing that this is what God wants me to do, and knowing that he is blessing me. And then of course is helping the people, seeing their smiles and telling them that they are not alone and that I understand them. And will help them with whatever I can. What I do to achieve my purpose is that I go to many centers, and meet people, mostly children that have been through any kind of abuse.