Personal Narrative: My Spiritual Journey

As I sat this morning reading this article, I thought of the many times, I, Personally have battled this "abyss". I know what it's like because I have been there. I don't and I may not fully understand or comprehend to understand what you have gone through in your life Halie, yet, I really want you to know that I am here for you, and that I love you no matter what. There is a personal story that I share and have shared many times in my course of missionary service. It's a story about a man. It goes something like this;

In life there are many roads we walked down. I have seen them all, been there done that. Yet, I continue to walk down the same road day after day, to find myself falling short and falling in hole I can barely, and scarcely crawl out of. Until one day I fell in a hole so dark and so deep that I, myself, could not get out. I sat in this hole for what seemed like years, alone, cold, and afraid. And that's

the way it continued to be so until one day that all started to change.

As to my surprise, I looked up and saw a man, standing over my hole. I could see that he was on this path but hadn't fallen in. I wondered and was amazed that he stopped to see someone as low as I. This man spoke to me, and I could tell that he was wise and well learned. He told me that if I but thought of a way out, and was positive. That through my own intellect I could obtain freedom and release from that abyss that held me captive. And just as soon as he had came, he was gone.

As that man had gone away and out of sight, I finding myself alone. Thought, there's no harm in trying, it's not like I have anything to lose. So with all my might, mind and strength. I thought real hard and for a moment I really thought I would make it out. But to my despair I was still stuck.

Sinking into an even deeper abyss, I downward spiraled and hit depths that I had never had gone before. I had, once again, given up hope. Now sitting there in silence, stuck with my own thoughts, I was faced with the fact that I wasn't alone in this abyss. I became scared and oh how I was hopeless. The evils that had once haunted my mind had come back and were tormenting me. I really didn't want to continue on. Just as I thought I could take no more, a small glimmer of hope appeared over my hole.

Another man appear just at the brim. This time calling down at me, friendly, warm and wanting to help. I listening intently and awaited his words as they couldn't come any faster. He told me that there is power in prayer, that God hasn't left me alone, and that he loves even the lowest of the low. I could hardly believe him, for I once was a believer. Yet, I had nothing else and in my pain and torment I called out. How is it that I am suppose to have such hope. He answered my reply and said to me, by faith, by faith my friend. I wasn't sure what to think or what to say. But just like the last, this man walked away just as soon as he had come.

Now sitting in the dark hole, I could tell that it was beginning to become dark. Now in fear for my soul, and knowing that if that darkness came, those demons and monsters that had been at bay with the light of day. They should surly over take me because there would be nothing left to defend me. I prayed, I cried with much supplication and pleaded on my knees for forgiveness, for help or a glimmer of light, hope. With every fiber of my being I prayed.

As the night came, I felt myself surrounded and could at any moment be over taken by the darkness.

As I prayed, I became weary, and tired and fell into a deep sleep. As I slept I had a dream that I was free'd from the prison that had held me captive and bound. And I couldn't believe it, but I was free! I jumped and shouted for joy and was walking again in the light of day, the warmth embrace of the sun on my skin. Yet, just as I had become so sure that I was free, I felt the cold bitterness come in and surround me. I was swept back into that abyss which held me bound.

I awoke! Cold and surrounded, as I stared my demons straight in the face. I knew I was a goner, there was nothing left. My prayers were in vain, there was no God that was going to save me, and even if there was, I presumed that this was my punishment for all the harm and hurt I had caused in my life. This became the lowest moment of my entire life, the point where I almost ended it. I couldn't take the pain, I didn't want to live another second in the place that held me

bound.

Just as things seemed out of hope, out of time and about to end. When I had given everything I had, and was sinking in despair. Literally, being overwhelmed and overcome by the demons and evils that haunted me, and on the way down as I hit the ground. I saw, and I felt a warm and light brighter than anything I had ever felt in my life. It hit me and then illuminated outward, those demons that had held me bound gone. The darkness lessened, but I wasn't sure of where it came. I fully couldn't understand it yet. Then just as times before a man appeared over my abyss. I saw him as clear as the noon day. He stood bright in the morning light, just as the sun broke the dawn.

Then he did the unthinkable. He, without hesitation jumped in the hole. I was in shock and amazement. I wondered why anyone would ever do such a thing. Before I could even stand to my feet, he lifted me up. He held me by my hand, calling me by my name. In my heart I felt it tell me that all is well. I spoke to him and said, What are you doing? We are both going to be stuck in the forsaken place! Why... And just as he had brought me to my feet to stand he spoke. He said, "Be not afraid, only believe." I have been here before, and I know the way out.

That man whom I speak of is Jesus Christ, my Savior, my Redeemer, my All. He personally pulled me out of the worse times in my life and put me back on solid ground. And here I stand on my own two feet. Firm and confident that I know my Savior lives. Halie, there is a reason why I willingly give two years of my life to tell others about the Gospel. It's because I probably would have ended my own life or even worse I would have gone deeper in to the abyss where I wouldn't fathom getting out. But it's because he rescued me literally, I stand as a witness that Christ lives, and because he lives I will continue to share that with everyone.

The reason why I share this with you, is that you can see where I've been, what has happened and for you to know that your never alone. That just as Christ was there for me, and helped me see that others where there as well. I am here for you. I will be here and will always love you.

Every single day is a gift, and I am going to live it and make Him proud. The day I met you my life changed. I have grown to love you more than anyone else who has come into my life. (Earthly) I hope that you know you can always turn to me, I wont judge or think any less of you. I know what it's like, but I also can't or wont fully understand what you have gone through. I don't always know what to say, or how to say it. But one thing wont change, that is, that I love you.