My Pursuit Of Perfection

Perfection.

While in reality unattainable, growing up I knew only one possible goal: perfection. I had the perfect life. I was the oldest child, privileged, and had every opportunity I could imagine. I also had the “perfect” friends and “perfect” family. From the outside looking in, my life was, well, “perfect”. Society places an unbearable weight on top of girls to be perfect, including attitude, weight, hair, makeup, clothes, grades, and relationships. Many girls, including myself, fight a constant battle of escaping this perfection mentality. Over time, I learned to put on my “perfect” face, and I built up walls that kept the real me safe inside. These walls hid the insecurities that have haunted me my entire life. They constantly knock

me down, saying “You weigh too much, you do not have the right friend group, you are nowhere near smart enough.” So I ignored them. I did my best to block these feelings out, and I took on every task, problem and opportunity that I could, to prove myself wrong.
The summer before junior year, I attended a leadership conference called RYLA, the Rotary Youth Leadership Awards.

I had an amazing time and made many new friends. I was inspired to apply, and become a Junior Counselor the next summer. I have never worked so hard on an application, but in my mind I knew what my goal was, and I was willing to work as hard as I could to achieve it. The work paid off, because in February I received a call and heard that I would be a Junior Counselor at RYLA 2015! My emotions soared. JC’s are supposed to be confident, strong leaders who are the best version of themselves at all times, yet there I was, terrified. Those imperfections and anxious thoughts raced back, and I didn’t believe in myself enough to know what I could do. But that changed starting July 25th, the first day of RYLA. In one short week, my confidence skyrocketed. The transition from childhood to adulthood within me was crystal clear. As a JC, I led a team of twelve teenagers, from all over Colorado. I grew close to each one of them, while learning about their stories and lives. I know that each one of them changed me in a way that I will never forget. Throughout the week we hiked, attempted all sorts of team building exercises, created cheers, and improved skits and dances. Through each moment I felt my leadership skills build, and I watched my team bond closer together. My favorite activity was called, “personal achievements”, where we all shared about adversities we had

overcome in our lives. We talked more, and encouraged each other to continue to be the best we could be, to always shine our light.
Obviously, the mountaintop experience cannot last forever in the same way it felt during my time at RYLA. I’m now back in my everyday life, struggling to retain my confidence. I am not going to say I no longer have insecurities. Everyday, I find something to not like about myself, but now I also have a new outlook. Instead of anxiously pondering over every thing that is wrong with my grades or looks or status, I simply choose contentment. I also choose to make myself feel better, by making others feel better. God placed me on this earth for one reason- to love people. And do you know what? I have found a feeling that is 1000 times better than the “perfection” I’ve desperately searched for throughout my life, and that feeling was the one I had on the last night of RYLA when Max, a sixteen year old boy from my team, came up to me with tears in his eyes, hugged me, and said, “Aleix, you have changed my life.”
And to me, THAT is perfection.