My Family Genogram Examples

By taking an overall look of my family genogram that I have made to find the different patterns within my family and their recurrence, I have come to realize that I might be the transitional character. Since I am not married yet nor do I have children, I believe it is too soon to tell or predict my success in breaking this behaviour of marital conflict. I would have to wait until the next generation to see if I have succeeded. But, I have few things planned to break this negative pattern.
First off, it is important to me to date couple years (at least 2 or 3 years) before I get married or have kids. I believe it will help me build a better intimacy with my future spouse and also have a better knowledge of his character and expectations. Although

a person can never be entirely known. For example, I intend to discuss often with my potential future spouse about his view of family and what is or was the different pattern either negative or positive that run in his family. As a system, family is composed of member who are interdependent, what happen to one affects the whole (textbook). In the generations before me, the majority of people got married quick and sometimes out of economic needs. To me, it economic needs are not a good reason to get married with someone. I want to base my marriage on true friendship developed through trust and openness. Trust creates a better environment for openness and disclosure (230). Knowing myself, I cannot be in a relationship where I cannot disclose to my partner nor can he. Then, with intimacy comes a certain level of friendship in the couple, it is important to me to see my partner as a friend first. Becoming best friends is one component of healthy couple formation (Rose, 2017).

Also, by taking this course I have been stocking tools that will become handy in time of need. For example, knowing that conflict is inevitable. The only way to get through it without short or long-term damage for the relationship is to manage the conflict in a constructive way which takes communication skills (Rose, 2017). With the knowledge I have gained, I understand what destructive conflict management is and what it implies. I will use what I have learned to focus on managing conflict that could arise constructively. For example, when I would be wrong about something instead of getting back at my partner with something he did months or years ago, I will simply apologize and propose a practical solution (if needed) to make sure it will not occur again. Then comes expectations. Having been taught about marriage satisfaction through family lifetime, I believe my expectations became adjusted. Often time in my family, because of poor communication skills, several couple (I rather not directly name them) suffered for years because their expectations were not met or unknown by their spouse. They assumed the other’s expectations and it would only be after their divorce or separation that they would acknowledge the source of their marital conflict.
In addition, I will work on maintaining a social circle (family, friends, people from my community, etc.) for support and help in time of need, by maintaining and working on my relationship with others and by including them in my daily life. In my family, it seems normal for women (implicit norm) to become isolated after your marriage, to only focus on your husband and detach yourself from anyone who was an opposed opinion from your spouse. This had and continues to create ongoing tensions which has damaged siblings’ relationship. I intend to bring my family and my spouse’s family together and build a home where people will feel free to come by often having family over for dinners, holidays and including them in our children lives.
To my future self, I say: “You will break this pattern and you have the tools for it. Do not worry about conflict itself because conflict is natural but you have the skills to manage it constructively. Remember to keep a balance between your needs, your couple needs and your children needs.”