My Brother and I

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My Brother and I

My brother and I did not have a great adult relationship. Due to his hurtful teasing of me when we were teenagers and some very hurtful things he said to me the day of our mother's funeral, we had not communicated well in the four years since her death.

In May, 2000, my father and I spent four days with my brother, sister-in-law and their two daughters. When I spoke with my brother on his birthday a month earlier, I asked if he and I could have some "alone time" when Daddy and I visited the following month. My brother said we could find time alone. That time came the evening before Daddy and I left to return home.

My brother and I settled on the screened-in porch. I was about to read a letter I had written him, outlining my reaction to what he had said to me in 1996 and giving him the necessary background information he needed to know BEFORE he spoke to me the way he did. He offered to read the letter himself. I gladly let him. I had no idea how he would respond to the letter. After many drafts, it stated exactly what I needed and wanted to say to him. I had no expectations at all about the route this conversation would take. I told myself I was capable of handling anything that came up for discussion.

My brother's first comment was, "Well, I will have to change some perceptions I have had about you." I was flattered and thanked him. He said he would always be my brother and would always say what he felt. He launched into some observations he had made about me in the four days we had been there...I acknowledged them and said my goals for the summer was to actively address those observations and make necessary changes. (I am proud to say I have achieved the major goal of weight loss and plan to keep it off.) I made some observations of my own and assured my brother that, contrary to his beliefs, I was not dependent on our father back home. (Our father lives about ten minutes away. He is 75, in fairly good health and does help me on occasion) I also made some observations of my own and expressed concerns I had about my brother.

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