Lying In Romantic Relationships

Honesty and truthfulness are two values expected in romantic relationships, so why is lying which, has traditionally been viewed as bad, sinful, or undesirable, (Bok, 1978) such a commonality in relationships? However to lie can be defined as a false statement made with deliberate intent to deceive, an intentional untruth, (Dictionary.com, 2014) In the context of a romantic relationship which consists of intimacy, closeness and commitment the effects of lying can be significantly greater due to nature of this relationship. It may be expected that due to the intimate nature of a romantic relationship lying wouldn’t be common, however research has found that 92% of people admit to having lied to a romantic partner, (Cole, 2001). Comparatively

Lying has therefore been found in relationships to be used as a means of maintaining privacy, protection of the other and self, or to enhance expression (Kunkel & Guthrie, 2013). A lot of expectation can be placed on the other in a relationship and this can in turn create or motivate one to lie, for the reasoning of upholding or presenting an image which is knowingly untrue, but is desired. In the beginning of a relationship, self-serving lies that exaggerate the positive image of a person are common. Research has found that some partners may actually prefer to not know the truth and some people are happiest when they fail to see things are they really are, especially when relationally threatening information is involved, (Simpson, Ickes, & Blackstone, 1995). This supports the argument that lying is very much dependent on the people involved, as to how they interpret lying, if they see it as dishonest and intolerable or if they prefer to live in an illusion that lying can help to

Even though as Metts,(1989) found that the most commonly reported reason for lying to close others was to protect the person’s feelings. Despite that the emotional consequences are greater in close relationships. (McCornack & Levine, 1990). This is due to the high expectations that exist of honesty and truthfulness in relationships and the considerable emotional investment that relationships consist of. The effects of the consequences can dependent on the type of lie told as if a partner was to tell an altruistically motivated lie, for example, not telling a partner about a disagreement with a friend and instead pretending everything was fine. The partner could perceive that their partner lied out of their love and concern for them by protecting them from getting involved in the situation. As stated by DePaulo & Kashy (1998), the lie could be construed as evidence of your partners love. Compared to the situation of a partner being unfaithful, and choosing to have an affair the partner is motivated to lie out of self-interest, rather than of concern for the other and this can been seen as lying is often used as a way of conflict avoidance (Peterson, 1996). As the study by Metts’ (1989) reported that 11% of students lied to their partners in order to avoid a conflictual or unpleasant scene. Consequences can differ in the