Love is Never Enough

It is very common, in this era of self-help and pop-psychology, for authors to promise great and extravagant miracles from their books, books that turn out to be useless, filled with airy sentences and vacuous instructions. Dr. Aaron T. Beck is not one of those authors, and his book, Love is Never Enough, is not one of those books. Dr. Beck, considered to be the father of cognitive therapy, has applied his years of experience at the forefront of psychology into a well articulated book that, unlike many of it's contemporaries, can truly help people. Dr. Beck provides an expansive insight into couple's erroneous thought patterns that can lead to unnecessary, harmful and possibly devastating situations.

Love is Never Enough begins by addressing the primary issue head on, negative thinking. The book later goes on to discuss specific actions that couples may take to save or strengthen their relationship, but the core theme of how underlying thoughts influence the situation, never departs. Dr. Beck explains how these underlying thoughts do not merely nudge people one way or another, but that they have an impact on people so strong, that they frequently determine the outcome of a situation.

The essence of Beck's advice for couples is communication. Negative thinking can be most destructive when it comes in the form of negative assumptions. However, these can be promptly defeated through communication. Negative assumptions are typically incorrect, and if one voiced their assumptions to their partner, they could be immediately corrected. One of many examples that Dr. Beck offers, is an example from his own life.

While I am earnestly trying to explain my pet theory to my wife, she suddenly smiles. I wonder, 'Is she smiling because she ...

... middle of paper ...

... Beck's book to be a great aspect.

Surprisingly, the way that I found this book to be the most helpful, had nothing to do with my romantic relationships or my relationships with friends. Instead, I found this book very helpful with my relationship to myself. I suffer from depression, and I have always had a difficult time managing. I did not anticipate that a book concerned with solving relationship problems would be so helpful. I now recognize that a lot of problems in marriage can stem from the same types of negative thinking that influence depression. Chapter 13, “Changing You Own Distortions,” was a particularly helpful chapter in this area. In this chapter, Dr. Beck outlines nine steps for changing ones own thinking patterns. I have found these steps invaluable for aiding me in maintaining a positive outlook. I received more from this book than I ever expected.