Love and the Pattern of Relationships

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Love and the pattern of relationships will often be fashioned on a person’s upbringing and the family life they experienced. While a person may have come from a loving home with parents who respected each other, shared responsibilities and managed to stay married, this will perhaps be the kind of relationship they will want for themselves. On the other hand, while a person may have come from a hostile environment with parents who fought and ended in divorce, this may perhaps be the kind of relationship they may seek. Memories of a negative childhood will always be in the back of a person’s mind, and they will subliminally feel normal in a relationship that reminds them of their childhood. Many people mistake this pattern as love, and it often leads to a broken affair. Recognizing this and breaking the pattern of this type of relationship is the only way a person will be able to achieve happiness, and build a relationship that will last. If a person believes that everything about their parent’s relationship was perfect, they, too, may have an illusion that this is how life should be between partners. They may not realize that times change, or understand that their parents may have withheld some of their bad times from them. When a person enters into a relationship that does not live up to this perfection patterned from their childhood, it can leave them with a feeling of disillusion and a sense of disappointment. Love and the pattern of relationships should be of our own desires, hopes and dreams, and not someone else’s. We are the only ones who can decide how we want our next relationship to be. It may take some time in understanding what our definition of a perfect relationship is, or what we wish for our own lives. For every relationship that does not work out, this should be a clue as to what we desire in a long-term relationship. Learning from failed affairs should give insight to future ones, and help to understand ourselves better.

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